Damn, you're ugly

hair color says everything!

there’s someone in charge of every settlement, more or less. zelda’s kind of the new mayor here in hateno.

Ciri has white hair. She somehow looks young enough to be my daughter. White hair has nothing to with it. I win.

says the one with white hair? 

i’m pretty much the only one who does. most of the mercenaries in hyrule right now aren’t from here. taern used to be a carpenter!  i dunno. maybe people here are just nice? we’ve got enough problems with monsters and evil guys trying to destroy everything, why would people steal?

Mutation. Doesn’t count.

i do have the nerve to call you old because you ARE old. 

hyrule IS really fucking nice. the grass is green, the wildlife is returning, and travelers are safe…er. it’s still a good idea to get a mercenary, but it’s not as important to have, like, five of them.

so taern has no work recently.

You’re still older.

that is a bad reaction that you just picked. you’re too old for memes.

it has gotten together… kind of. enough that monsters aren’t the biggest threat anymore, now most people are concerned about whether or not we have enough food stored for the winter.

I am in my 90′s, I’m nearly twenty years younger and you still have the nerve to call me old. 

Those sound like problems that could be resolved with little to no bloodshed. No in-fighting and civil wars to get in the way of distributing resources. 

things are a mess where you live, huh?

biawevilk‌:

Because “Political Bullshit ™”. The North’s just been a huge mess. 

that sounds like a terrible excuse. who is in charge of the north. why aren’t they doing anything about this.

good thing i never touch those, wow. what order are you talking about?