Hello Tumblr! It’s been years since I last checked up on you. LOL. If you could just talk, you’d probably say - “I know why you’re here. You’re going to tell me ‘bout him again, huh.” Haahaa. Well, not really. But since I’m already here, might as well share it, right?
Anyway, truth is my online bank account got locked out. For some reasons, I thought I was giving the correct password, of course until the third wrong input. Haahaa. So going back, I had to reset the password and so I thought that it’d be a lot easy if I have my password set to only one.. And, voila! That lead me here.
So, him. Let me say something about him and what I can remember about how he was to me; how it ended.
I may not have said this to you before, but we never really started as friends, not the way he think we did. Truth is, we started as flings. We flirted with each other, thinking it’ll never really going to last long. Funny how my bestfriend and my cousin even betted on it - saying it’ll end as soon as 1 week or even just 3 days. However, a week has passed. From weeks to months, months turned to years.
And 7 years later, yeah! 7 long years.
After 7 years, I kept it all inside me. The pain, the jealousy - hmmm, well I wanted to say so much about how bad it felt, but I could no longer find the word to do so. Haahaa. Maybe it’s just how it is when you no longer have feelings for the person. I mean, looking back to those days where I had to cry in silence because what we had in between was never really something to be proud of, in the first place. If I go back to those days, I could probably right a thousand words to describe my agony - nah! That’s an exaggeration! Haahaa.
Well, again. I’m not sure if this has something to do with my forgotten feelings toward him, but I couldn’t really find the words to make this story a little bit more dramatic. Anyhow, to cut the story shorter - one time he just blurted out right in my face that he’d already propose to her long term girlfriend. And even if it hurt like dying, I went on showing off my best self - and I mean the usual “loud and perky self”. After that night I asked him to give me some time to heal and detach all the loads he has given me through out the 7 years. But he selfishly flipped the card, making me feel like I’m the one leaving and ending things in between. Yeah! Like, that was a “WTF” moment.
Oh, this is tiring. Haahaa. Trying to flashback the old flame in my heart.
But we’ve got this far, so I better continue and end it immediately.
So wedding day came. Of course, I came!
With my most genuine feelings, I felt good for him. I was maybe in the “If you love someone, you got to learn to let them go” stage. So, I was genuinely happy for him. With the thought of, “’ll be okay” I gave him my warm greetings and smiled all through out the celebration.
But then, just 2 days after his wedding day. He sent me a message, asking how I’m doing and that he miss me. I was vulnerable then, I was in distress. It was so hard to look forward without him, and needless I say - we went on like the old times.
Until, eventually I grew tired of defending myself from my own self. Tired of making myself believe that, “In love and war, all is fair.” Bullshit! I thought. Haahaa. It was never fair, or maybe - it was never really love to even start of. He may have uttered it, I may have felt it, but the fact still remains - he never cared about how I feel. Of course I knew about it, I knew how pathetic I have been for 7 years.
Now, lastly. How did it end; how did it stop hurting?
So, for the entire years we’ve been having this connection - well, okay! Affair.. She (his wife) never really confronted me about anything. I know it was not because she didn’t know about it, or she hasn’t found out - but I strongly believe that it was because he was in control of the relationship. Of course I know! I have been there, remember? And again - that lasted for 7 years.
There was never really anything like that. Until this pandemic time. COVID-19 and the effect of it. During locked down - I’ve been having this argument within myself, that I should at least leave something for myself; a little respect at least.
He still video calls me then, checked up on me. Send me messages as if he cares for me. But during those time, I no longer knew how to react or respond to his gesture and actions. And after the last call, I sent him a message saying “STOP” and making him understand that I wanted to be at peace. He actually responded “OKAY”. For a couple days, I was at peace. Until he send me message through Mobile Legends - you’d probably laugh at how petty things could be. Haahaa. I actually do.. Well, the funniest thing is yet to be spilled out.
So, he sent a message. Telling he that she (his wife) saw our conversation and that she found out.. And because he wasn’t really an active player of the said game, it took 2 days to get a response from on my question - “what convo? And how far does she know about me, about us?” And another 2 or 3 days to get an answer.. So, yada-- yada-- yada-- to cut it, he just ended it with her saying “YA HABLA YA LANG IO CAY QUIERE TU COMIGO.”
