What if I just said the silent part out loud?

I saw the exchange between Carol Burnett and Amy Poehler where they share a moment about being an 11 year old kid. And how “there is something about being 11.” And I was happy for them, but when I noticed that a lot of people seemed to understand about “being 11” I realized what I had lost. I knew I had had struggles, but so many people could relate to this special thing about “being 11” and I couldn’t, because by the time I was 11 I was just focused on surviving until I could get out. Sometimes I think I almost had it, too, that special part of “being 11.” Maybe for a minute.

I think we should normalize feeling sad during holidays or celebrations. Everyone’s experience is subjective, but most adults will have layers of experiences associated with certain times of celebration which do include loss, fear, and trauma along with the fun, excitement and feelings of love and connectedness. Some people respond to this by banishing the joy from these times, and others attempt to banish the sorrow associated with them. It’s possible to integrate these feelings. We are complex and can feel many things at once. I can celebrate now and take joy with my current friends and family and delight in the experiences we create, and I can be wistful and nostalgic and mourn or miss the lives I didn’t live, the relationships that ended, the loved ones who aren’t with me, the places I’ll never see again. Your inner and outer experiences don’t always have to match, but it’s okay if they blend.