bound to serve

“What a PLEASANT surprise! Another anonymous gift. I believe I have a secret admirer.”

“Another?” Beth could hardly say it surprised her - the Duchess was beautiful and charming, almost more than any woman at court, so it would hardly be a shock to find she had plenty of suitors. “What is the gift, my lady?”

Alya had, of course, centered herself as much as possible, among the ladies of the court, eager to catch anything that might spill from their lips. As one of the queen’s ladies, of course there were those that wished to keep their own secrets silent, but wine was always a slippery slope. Her own glass in hand, she was laughing along with whatever story one of the ladies was telling when she heard her name. Her head tipped up and she smiled at the woman kindly. 

“Lady Beth, call me Alya, please,” She said, giving a polite curtsy to her. While she knew very little about the woman before her or Lady Cecily, she nevertheless tried to be kind. That doesn’t mean it was easy. She knew that Lady Beth did not agree with her actions, but Alya didn’t let that bother her. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

She held the wine glass as if it didn’t suit her, always feeling in moments like this as if she stuck out like a sore thumb - the clothes she wore were borrowed from Cecily. She had never been trained in etiquette and she clearly stood out with her mother’s coloring among all the other faces, a fact that was never lost on her. But Alyanna - Alya, apparently - was kind if nothing else, at least to her face.

She put on a smile, taking a sip from her glass and nodding at her question. “Yes, Lady Alya, I’m enjoying the evening very much. It’s all quite lovely. I am always happy to toast to the Queen’s fortune.” She smiled a bit more widely, sincerely. “And you? You always seem in your element at these sorts of things, it’s remarkable.”

 When her hair was finally free, Cecily gave it a good shake so it fell down her shoulders in a raven cascade. It was like the great weight had fallen down, and she felt as light as a bird. If only she could be as free as one, she thought to herself, but she was not, the palace with all its beauty was a golden cage. There wasn’t happiness here. ‘‘Of course, I mean it. It’s like you don’t know my husband or a life I had to endure all these years.’‘  She sighed again, tilting her head back so she could look up into her friend’s eyes. Beth was only one, who knew all, who has witnessed the cutlery of her husband, who was there with  Cecily through all unfortunate events. There wasn’t pretending here, fake smiles, and lies. Here she could speak openly, knowing no word would ever leave this room. ‘‘Today I just got reminded what kind of life I lead, and what kind of life I could have. Today I finally felt something more than sorrow. It was just a moment, but it was enough to see a light in the darkness,’’ She explained, still trying to shake off the strange feeling she was having.

“Of course I know you, what you’ve been through. But surely not all hope is lost.” She slowly brushed out the woman’s raven waves, meeting her gaze with an attempt at an encouraging smile, though even she knew her own words were a stretch. Cecily had been through much already, and there was unfortunately very little that Beth could do to comfort her friend, other than be there to try and support her through the worst of it. The next words were a surprise and Beth blinked, gently pulling a few of Cecily’s locks over her shoulder to keep combing through them. “What do you mean?” She asked, gentle.

There always seemed to be something new going on at court, some sort of intrigue that Beth was only distantly aware of - and she was more than happy to keep it that way. She had never understood any of it, the way people seemed to go out of their way in the court to have drama and scandal around them.

From all that she could tell, in their limited encounters, Lady Alyanna was one of those people. She didn’t know her all that well - just that she was one of the Queen’s ladies, engaged to an advisor, and that she thrived on gossip, much to Beth’s annoyance. So she was mildly frustrated to encounter the woman herself at one of the court feasts (Cecily had insisted she come along and wouldn’t hear no for an answer). Still, with her drink in hand Beth forced a smile onto her lips, a curtsy given in polite greeting. “Lady Alyanna. A pleasure.”

Louis almost frowned, but changed his mind and nodded instead. “Well then, if I could have your name, miss,” the informal appellation made him uncomfortable. The woman didn’t dress as a servant, perhaps she was a handmaiden to the Duchess of Kent. Louis would have thought that referring to one such as her as ‘lady’ was to be expected. “Wouldn’t you prefer silence with your prayers?” the discovery surprised him. Most people liked the quiet in chapels, himself included. He had just been under a lot of stress lately, and getting out of his head by playing the organ was a spur of the moment decision. “Perhaps…you can play as well?” Louis had met many who believed that their skills with an instrument were just another way to praise God. In a way, he understood it, as well.

He seemed to be a bit thrown by her correction and she made a note to keep mind of her tongue, clearing her throat. “Beth,” she offered after a moment, meeting his gaze. “Beth Durham. I’m simply one of the duchess’s maids.” Was she even allowed to be here? She wasn’t entirely sure, though she was distracted from the thought by the fact that the man didn’t quite speak like an Englishman. Maybe he was some sort of ambassador? She really didn’t know a thing about it. He offered to let her play and she blinked up at him. “...Ah - no, sir. I only mean - I’ve never even tried it. I can’t imagine I’d be very good.”

Cecily went through the evening and doing the fake smile all night. Finally, she was able to escape to the safety of her rooms. Welcomed by her friend’s smile she could relax and sink onto one of the sturdy handmade chairs, conscious of how tired she was. Yes, she thought, I am tired, tired of pretending, tired of pretending to be Duchess of Kent, tired of pretending to be just someone who I was not.  Here there is no need to pretend. I can be who I am. ‘’Oh, Beth, I can’t stand this, ’’ she said, her thin frame matching her weak voice. ‘’ I can’t stand living like this anymore!’’  Cecily groaned, covering her face. ‘’I feel like I’m suffocating.’’

Immediately Beth’s face softened in quiet understanding. It was clear to see that Cecily was struggling - had been struggling, Beth one of the only people in the world who got to see beyond the woman’s facade. “You don’t mean that,” she tried to urge gently, coming behind her and laying a hand on her shoulder to give it a light squeeze before she started helping her prepare for bed - slowly undoing her hair. “You’re going to be alright. What happened today?” She was calm, patient as she helped her friend.

“You didn’t,” Louis raised from his spot as he caught sight of the woman, answering her bow with one of his own. “I finished playing. I apologize for having not noticed you sooner, my lady. I’m afraid I haven’t practiced in a while, and lost all sense of my surroundings,” he straightened his shoulders, and took a step away from the organ. “Please, forgive my oversight,” a small smile curved his lips upwards at her compliment. “You are too kind. If you would like to be alone, I can leave.” 

His words made an unexpected flush rise into Beth’s cheeks, the woman lowering her eyes as she fiddled with her rosary. “You have no need to apologize, sir, or to call me lady neither. I’m just - I’m in the employ of the Duke and Duchess of Kent.” She glanced up at him again. “Oh - no, my lord. I don’t want to trouble you. I’ll only be a few moments. You can continue playing, even. If you fancy it.” Beth took a few more steps into the room, clearly hesitant.

Louis had wandered into the empty chapel seeking solitude, but as soon as his eyes fell on the organ, he reconsidered his purpose. It had been a while since he’d practiced, but his memory refreshed quickly as he studied the music sheets left behind from the last service. He recognized the notes from Kyrie Eleison, his fingers easily finding the keys, the music reverberating in the church, and more importantly, inside his skull, leaving him no room for troubled thoughts. Louis had always found serenity in music, and it absorbed all his attention as he coaxed the instrument through the familiar melody, oblivious to the world around him. He only realized someone had entered his sanctuary when the song ended, and he straightened with a jolt, looking up in surprise.

Beth paused where she was when the music stopped, looking up at the man shyly. She had no idea who he was - just that he had a handsome face and he was well dressed, obviously a nobleman of some kind. “I’m sorry to have interrupted you.” She bowed her head in deference, only glancing up briefly. “I’ve just come to do my prayers.” She cleared her throat softly, moving forward a few steps. “That was quite lovely.”

So far as Beth could tell, it was a quiet evening. She had helped with dinner and then gone about her usual duties - a bit of mending and the like. But the evening had ended soon enough and the duchess was coming to bed. It was one of her favorite times, purely because it was just the two of them, and they could speak in private about whatever they wished, no need for formalities. When Cecily came to her chamber, Beth curtsied as was expected, offering her old friend a small smile. “Good evening.”