I’m gonna be honest, I’ve grown to hate this blog. I just don’t like it. I don’t know the main reason anymore. I just feel like I’ve grown past it. Like it’s from a stage in my life that I’m no longer in. I’ve changed a lot since I first started using the user “BeppiBepsi” online many years ago, and I kind of just wanna move past it. It’s not who I am anymore. My brain keeps making me think that it’s a childish identity where I made very naïve things and stupid art pieces, despite the fact that I always make silly “cringe” and whimsy things all the time in my mind and that’s not something I’ll ever really let go, but it doesn’t change the fact the feelings I have towards this online username. That, and again, I just don’t identify with the name anymore.
But I don’t want to be a “boring adult” either. I think the main issue I have is that I see everything I’ve made as something in poor execution under this online identity. Maybe I had some great ideas, but when putting them online, they just seemed… cringe. Stupid. Nonsensical. Childish. Just another autistic post that never made any sense. And I think a lot of that is because I’ve become much more frustrated and unhappy with my art in recent years. My hope is that, by making a new identity, I will start anew. But that won’t change the frustration I get when I just can’t get a shape the way I want it to look, or why I can’t seem to pick out the right colors, or why I have an image so perfect and detailed in my mind, but when I try to put it to paper, it’s like my hands refuse to act in cooperation with my true imagination. It’s why I didn’t post much art on here for over a year— because I refuse to show any artwork I’ve made until I’ve decided it’s done well enough to be shown.
But I also made a few pieces that I *am* proud of, small pieces of silver among the rubble. Things that might be worth saving after all.
I’m sorry for people that followed me for specific fandoms and fanart. I really did want to post that one small comic I had in mind a few years(?) back, and while it is… somewhat conceivable, I just cannot finish it. I want to move on. I’m tired.
I’ll post a couple of old art pieces on here I’m still proud of that I didn’t post before, but after that, I’ll start making new things under a different username. Technically, I’ve already done that, but that’s more so for a specific character and genre of mine than anything. I want to make a new user identity that’s more of a “general” creative account.
maybe i’ll repost some stuff there, but.. probably not. i don’t know. we’ll see.
thank you to the few followers that liked my art enough to follow me! i wish i could have offered more to you.
