Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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YOU ARE THE REASON
izzy's playlists!
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we're not kids anymore.
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@benzo-ashv
I know. I doubt I'll be able to make those shows with filming but they want to try and take it on the road. Do a full loop. I love playing Peter.
If you do, please let me know. I'll totally be there. Been listening to the soundtrack for like two years now.
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okay but like seriously thanks?! I love that play so much and if they bring back a full tour I would love to do it if my schedule allows. Which at this this rate it might. @benzo-ashv
I saw they announced it on the list of west end productions for the upcoming season.
Completely obsessed with this. The London show recording has been playing on repeat @antoniociprianorp
Love snuggles with my princess.
sabrinafriedman: thank you! she's absolutely precious. let us know when you end up in new york again and you can come meet her! get some baby snuggles in.
ashbenzo: I'd love that. I'll definitely let you know next time I'm heading to New York.
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I don't think she'll ever be ready. It's painful to see her like this even if she gets angry about us caring about her. I did too but after he left, I felt she would need us. Boy, was I wrong. We used to be real close but all that ended when she cheated on Carlos with Tyler. She's been in a downward spiral for a long time and I hoped maybe the kids, something would make her want to get better but nothing does. No, I don't want to drag Carlos back into all that. He did all he could to help her and finally had enough. A person can only take so much before they have to cut their losses, much like you did. I know I tried and that will have to be good enough.
I have to believe that one day she'll be ready, but there's nothing we can do until it is. I understand you want to be there for her. You care about her. But all that's going to do is break your heart. She has to find her own way. Sooner or later she'll realize she's pushed everyone away and will work to figure out why. Until then, you have to let her go.
sabrinafriedman: thank you! and trust me he did. lots of presents the past few days!
ashbenzo: Good. And congratulations on the baby. I can't wait to meet her.
sabrinafriedman: this birthday was so different than my past ones, but i wouldn't change it for the world. heart is full.
ashbenzo: Happy Birthday sweetie. Max better have spoiled you or I'm gonna kick his ass.
There's just no talking to Lucy, she wants her way or death which is not how to fix things. She talks so toxic that I can see why Los couldn't deal with all of that. It was probably affecting his own mental health. I tried to talk to her, I feel bad for her but she doesn't want to even try to get better and move on. Not sure if you talking to her would help or make things worse. I just feel bad for her and hoped I could help her at least find herself back to who she is and be there for her kids but nothing got through to her. You think Tyler could get through to her? Not the ideal thing since her cheating on Los with him didn't help matters, I would say maybe Jared could get through to her but not sure that's a good idea either. What do you think, babe? @benzo-ashv
Lucy isn't going to listen or get help until she's ready. Until then, all we can do is watch as she hits rock bottom. She doesn't want our help. I had to walk away from that friendship a long time ago. I'm here for the kids, but Lucy knows where I stand with everything else. Bi-polar or not, I won't be in a friendship with her. Watching her destroy herself was killing me. Do not pull Jared into it. He deals enough with her because of Sam. I don't know if having Tyler talk to her is a good idea. He's in a good place with Michael. The only person who could possibly get through to her is Carlos, but he finally walked away and I don't want him to get dragged back into her chaos.
[Text-Chris] Happy Mothers Day!
[text] Thanks babe @chvisevans
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[Text-Jensen] Happy mothers day
[text] Thanks Jensen. @jacklesrpg
It was like he didn't even know her in this moment. She was twisting everything he said and couldn't see that people's concerns including his were because they loved or cared about her. Her arms stayed folded across her chest as she sought to close herself off.
"Why don't you want us to care about you? If it was us then you would be the first person to ask me about and it one of the first to ask him about it." Because Chris knew Michael would ask Tyler what was wrong if he was losing weight like she was.
All she saw their concern as was them meddling and not accepting her saying she was fine when that wasn't it at all. "I don't expect you to react a certain way. You're your own person and I wouldn't never try to change you. I think you're perfect just the way you are. I have always thought that but yes, the suddenly weight loss does concern me and so I asked you about it. Not because it's my place to control if you lose weight or not but because I want to be sure you're okay and you're healthy." He had known people that didn't catch what illness they had in time and so he needed to be sure she was okay for her sake, the kids sake and his sake.
"So we can't worry about you or talk about our concerns? You can't say you don't do the same when it concerns people you care about. You're one of the first ones to reach out to those you love and make sure they're okay. We're sharing our lives together and I'm allowed to care and worry just like I'm allowed to love and be proud of you. Relationship are taking the bad and the good. "If somethings wrong then I want to help you get better."
Ashley went still as he finished, the weight of everything he said settling over her in a way she couldn’t just brush off this time. For a second, she didn’t move at all, her arms still crossed like before, but her grip loosened slightly, fingers pressing into her sleeves instead of holding tight.
Her eyes dropped, blinking a little too slowly as the sting hit before she could stop it. She turned her head just enough to the side, lifting a hand to quickly wipe at the tear that slipped free, like if she moved fast enough it wouldn’t count, wouldn’t mean anything. By the time she looked back at him, her expression was steadier, even if her eyes gave her away for a second longer than she wanted.
“I’m fine, Chris,” she said again, quieter now, more fragile but still firm in the way she needed it to be. She shook her head once, like that alone could settle everything back into place. “I just… I need you to stop making it into something it’s not.”
He had tried talking to her but she had shut him down and so he asked Tyler if he had noticed it and he had. It was hard not to notice. He wore an expression of frustration, confusion and yet love as he looked at her and tried to piece it all together in his head.
"It is out of love and I didn't go to Tyler until you blew me off and didn't want to talk about it. You made it out like I was seeing things that weren't there so I asked someone else that knows you and would want the best for you and we agreed." A brief shake of his head gave away his frustration. " I have never been scared for your welfare enough to ask someone else their opinion."
He wanted to wrap his arm around her yet now wasn't the time for that. "Yes, it's frustrating just like it's frustrating to me. I don't want something to be seriously wrong and you ignore it till it's too late. It's a big deal because I love you. The fact that two people that want nothing but the best for you are worried, should matter but instead you're angry."
Ashley’s eyes flickered at that, something sharper cutting through as he said Tyler’s name again. Her arms tightened across her chest, like she was holding herself together more than just standing there.
“So you and Tyler agreed,” she repeated, her voice quieter but edged in a way that carried more weight than if she had raised it. She let out a small, disbelieving breath, looking away for a second before dragging her gaze back to him. “That’s great, Chris. Really.”
She shook her head, pacing a step away before stopping, her hands dropping to her sides. “Do you hear how that sounds? Like you needed a second opinion on me because I didn’t react the way you wanted.” Her jaw tightened again, but there was something underneath it now—something more hurt than angry.
“I’m not ignoring anything,” she added, her voice unsteady for just a second before she steadied it again. “I just don’t think every little change means something is wrong with me.” Her eyes held his now, searching but defensive all at once. “And yeah, I’m angry, Chris. Because instead of trusting me when I say I’m fine, you went and made it a conversation with someone else.”
His eyebrow arched upwards as her voice seemed to change. "Ash, that is not what I said. I am a health nut, always have been and you know that. I asked you weeks ago if everything was okay because you have lost a lot of weight. My concern is for your health because I love you." A sigh left his lips and he briefly ran his hand through his hair almost in frustration.
He heard her cheerfully yell as she found the box she had been looking for it. Her tone changing again and he pressed his lips together tight. He could overlook it, not say anything but why was she flipping back and forth with these mood swings? "No problem, just wanted them to have them."
Nodding he reached for the plates and went to take them to the kids. They needed to discuss her weight loss, she needed to see a doctor in his opinion but he knew this was going to be an argument. He walked back in and gave her a half smile. "I've known you a long time, a very long time. All I have ever wanted is you to be happy, healthy and the best version of you. I don't like it when we fight and I'm sorry if I upset you at times but I do it out of love."
Ashley’s expression shifted the longer he spoke, whatever softness had started to creep in fading just enough to let something else take its place. She straightened slightly, turning to face him more fully now, her arms crossing over her chest like a quiet line being drawn.
“You say it’s out of love,” she started, her voice steady but tighter now, “but then you go to Tyler about it?” Her brows pulled together, not confused—hurt, frustrated. “Like I’m not right here to talk to. Like I’m some problem you need to figure out with someone else.”
She let out a breath through her nose, shaking her head once as she looked away for a second, then back at him. “Do you have any idea how that feels?” she asked, quieter now but heavier. “I don’t even understand why this is such a big deal to you in the first place, Chris. I feel fine.”
Chris had been scrolling through his phone and texting a few friends when he heard Ashley's voice ring out. The tone told him that something was wrong and she was annoyed, frustrated or perhaps both. Walking into the kitchen he shook his head. "No, I'm a health food nut and cookies aren't on the menu." Not like he would eat the kids snacks up anyway.
"Are you sure the kids didn't eat them already or maybe you put them somewhere else? There was a curious look on his face and he quickly scanned the counters for them with no luck. "You want me to door dash some?" They would be here within the hour."
“So it’s fine for you to be a full-on health nut,” she said, her tone edged but controlled, “but me losing a little weight is suddenly a problem.” Her brows lifted slightly, like she was trying to make sense of it, even if the frustration was already there. “Got it.”
"Ah hah!" she exclaimed as she found the box tucked toward the back, pulling it out with a little more force than necessary. She set it down on the counter, her fingers lingering on it for a second before she finally looked over at him. "I knew they were in there. No need to order more, but thanks for the offer."
She pulled 4 cookies out and put 2 on each small plate she had sitting on the counter. "Can you take this out to the kids while I clean up in here?"
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Ashley stood half inside the pantry, shifting things around with more force than necessary as boxes scraped softly against the shelves. She knew exactly what she was looking for, she had bought them herself, but suddenly they were nowhere to be found and it felt like the last thing she had control over slipping through her fingers. Her jaw tightened as she pushed aside another bag, exhaling through her nose.
“Did you eat the cookies I got for the kids, or am I just blind?” she called out, her tone casual on the surface but laced with something sharper underneath. She didn’t look back at him, just kept rummaging, though her movements slowed slightly, like she was waiting to hear how he would answer.
@chvisevans
