love over duty

Adrian should’ve known that Benji’s wrath would be the outcome, initial good intentions or not. If Eli was left in someone’s care, and that someone fell short, Benji would be the one to instil the punishment. His amazing level of self restraint had but one exception: his younger brother. The only time Benji had allowed himself to bend his own rules was if Eli was involved, if he felt a need to protect. That was the case here, and although admirable, Adrian found himself infuriated at the accusations that were being fired at him regardless of their reasoning. He felt a need to defend himself, but only did so after Benji had released him, hoping his words weren’t entirely drowned out by the music. “Funny that you call me a child, when you still treat Elijah like one. Little dhampir bipolar can make his own decisions now, Benjamin. He’s drunk in the bathroom, not dead in a gutter. He’ll be fine tomorrow after some water and a Tylenol. He was having a good time. For once!”

The nickname had him stopping in his tracks, the sheer rage causing him to turn back to the Moroi, the pace at which he did so and the expression on his face arguably frightening. “You say one more word against my brother, and I swear by the Angel, I will drag you out into the spotlight and get you sent back home. And you will go alone. I don’t care what it does to this group, I don’t care if you don’t even make the trip,” he spat, pointer finger extended in accusation. “Your family will be privy to all of your behaviour. They will know that you are a complete fucking disgrace.” With the outburst done, Benji finally turned heel and stormed off, feeling the rage pulse in his chest. He was frustrated by Elijah’s behaviour, frustrated by Adrian’s, and even more so frustrated by his own, that he had allowed a member of a royal family to completely get under his skin. It would come back to bite him, no doubt, Adrian far above his station in life. But as he reached the bathroom door, Benji managed to put the dismay aside once more for the sake of his brother. He was all that mattered.

Benjamin was a considerably patient man, but found himself less so today than usual, incredibly eager to throw himself into training. Anything to stop him from thinking about her. He could see her in his peripheral vision, haunting him even now. That first moment he’d laid eyes on her when she’d arrived, the fleeting glances they'd shared in the two months since, all an unbearable ache. Again, he could feel his body betraying him, his head beginning to turn to look at her, wanting to see her. Stop. Benji listened to the pairings with growing impatience, jaw tight. Nothing was out of the ordinary, he and Jace could finally get to work. Only, without consultation, Alec had thrown a curveball. Narrowed eyes snapped up, meeting the Shadowhunter's. He'd be working with Juliet for today? Alone? The mere sound of her name caused the ache to return. Fuck.

It only took a moment for that professionally-tamed rage to spill over. Any semblance of care Benji might’ve still held for the Moroi before him was lost in the anger, swallowed by the panic, the love for his brother.

Annoyance flared within Juliet upon having her focus disconnected, as she already had to fight to keep herself composed. If someone cut themselves accidentally, it became a problem. If something triggered a nosebleed, it became a problem. Dhampir blood was only a short fall behind Moroi blood in terms of vampire preference, and considering how young she was in supernatural years, her impulses were still difficult to tackle. Not only had Adrian interrupted that, he'd done so drunk. The first words out of his mouth signified his lack of care regarding the matter, and she felt as though he were mocking their ethics. They'd made it clear the last few weeks that he wasn't being forced to attend, so why he'd shown up randomly now was beyond her. She didn't have the patience for it.

To her own surprise, Juliet spoke up on behalf of everyone, perhaps inspired by a need to protect Eddie from Adrian's drunken stupor. He'd tried everything to be present for his charge, to protect him, and this was the gratitude he received in return. Juliet interjected before Eddie even had the chance. "You cannot be serious, Adrian. You're drunk, you're late, and you have an attitude. You should go home. Whatever you need to say to Eddie, it can wait until after we're done. Some of us don't have the liberty of picking and choosing when we want to care about this."

Juliet's aura came into focus without intention, and Adrian took another sip of his vodka, trying to shake off the visual. It did nothing to sway the sea of colour that had began to swirl around his friends, though, as if he were suddenly glancing at a canvas. As was typical of the vampire, she was surrounded by a mixture of deep blues and vibrant purples, along with the black ring signifying her escape from death's permanence. After tracking the patterns in the weeks prior, Adrian had come to understand what feelings they represented. The blues only flared for her in Benji's presence. Sadness, heartbreak, longing. Benji's colours directly mirrored hers when they were together, overwhelming the hints of red that lingered around them both.

"There's no need to take your sour mood out on me, Jules. I know I'm not really the problem. It's not my fault you're so... hungry." Adrian smiled then, no longer able to prevent his verbal impulses. If they were going to ostracise him, he figured he had nothing left to lose anyway. "If you knew what I knew, you'd laugh. The hypocrisy under this roof is astounding. Isn't that right, Benjamin?" Not everyone present would understand why Adrian had redirected his target, but it didn't matter. Benji would. Juliet would. "Unlike you, I don't judge. I also happen to know exactly how it feels," he muttered, finally glancing across the room to where Eddie was standing. It brought him no comfort.

Ending things with Adrian had been far more painful than he'd ever imagined, nearly earning him another panic attack, but that was exactly why he'd had to do it. And so far, he'd done well to maintain that distance, so when Adrian suddenly showed up to training after a week of uncharacteristic silence, Eddie didn’t immediately relax like he would have done before. Instead, his body tensed up entirely, jaw clamped with the sheer effort made not to look back in the Moroi’s direction again. Eddie had clocked the bottle, seen the irritated expressions on everybody else’s faces, and had immediately been flooded with guilt. Adrian didn’t deserve this reception, he clearly wasn't sober or well-rested, and the guardian was itching to intervene, to stop whatever this was before it started. But he kept reminding himself that it wasn’t his place anymore to interrupt. Boundaries. Boundaries meant letting Adrian speak for himself and deal with his own fallout. He'd started it and they were in safe space. He could handle it. But then Adrian spoke to him.

Eddie immediately felt alert, the breath knocked out of him, like he'd just been caught hiding and was now being dragged out into the spotlight. Adrian's voice had been so unsteady, so desperate, Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, as if blocking out a nightmare, unable to face it. The words tested every wall he'd built up over the last week, threatened all the hard work he'd done to put some emotional distance between them. He'd almost failed in those first few days, had wanted to go and check on him, but Mason had led him back out of dangerous waters, reminded him of why he'd made the call in the first place. Yet the request now had been so vulnerable, in an instant, Eddie wanted to go back on his decision, wanted desperately to run over to him. Fists clenched tight, the dhampir refused to look his way, knowing he'd break if he did.

He let out a breath he didn't realise he'd been holding when Juliet spoke up, the guardian eternally grateful for her quick intervention, buying him the chance to breathe. He wouldn't have lasted much longer, couldn't have ignored a direct plea from his charge. He was meant to protect him, and ignoring him certainly wasn't doing that. They'd have to talk sooner or later, of course, but he'd needed that initial space to find a way to cope, to survive, or else they'd be right back to the start. To him, Juliet seemed pragmatic, firm but fair. Eddie could talk to him after training, that was a reasonable boundary. As he and Mason had agreed, he couldn't drop everything and run to Adrian at every slightest chance of upset, it just wasn't sustainable. And of course the Moroi would be upset after what was technically a break-up, Eddie too was struggling. But it was still instinctual to want to go to him, to help him, and fighting that urge was an exhausting, full-time battle.

Eddie managed to calm his breathing some now that his surprise had subsided, Juliet doing the work to hold Adrian's attention, but his charge didn't take long to snap back. I wasn't talking to you. The words twisted his gut, guilt consuming him. He lifted his head during the following tense silence, daring to glance in Adrian's direction, worry guiding him. But he should've known better. The man was only silent because he was drinking, and Eddie eyed the vodka bottle with a deep hatred before looking away again. Resentment would help him get through this, so he hung onto it, reminded of how much he hated Adrian's coping mechanisms, hated that he needed them.

Unfortunately, the Moroi wasn't done. Eddie's eyes widened when he continued on Juliet, not having expected it. He’d thought there was a chance of de-escalation now that Adrian had gotten some attention, made a deal with Juliet. But tensions had been flared once more, Adrian's tone now bordering on aggression. At mention of him, Eddie’s eyes flicked over to Benjamin, nervous, scoping out his reaction. Worryingly, he was right to be concerned. Benji’s expression had gone from one of annoyance to sheer rage, his fists curling dangerously, and with the final verbal hint that Adrian was harboring very real resentment toward Eddie himself, he realised silence was no longer an option. Not if he was to keep the peace, keep Adrian safe and the rest of the group placated.

Seeing Benji turn, Eddie shoved his own anguish aside and finally intervened, voice firm. “— That’s enough, Adrian. Leave them alone.” Thankfully, this stopped Benji in his tracks. The man was still obviously rigid with anger, but Eddie didn’t want to see him pushed any further. He was their mentor for a reason, he was known as a god for a reason. He didn’t want him anywhere near Adrian when he was like this. Continuing on, now desperate to defuse the situation, Eddie tried his best to ignore the deep sting his charge's words had caused and made his tone softer this time, keeping his gaze focused on Benji despite addressing Adrian directly. The more tension he noticed in his mentor’s body, the more his own muscles responded accordingly, protective. “You don’t have to do this, okay? We can talk. Just - meet me outside."

Hands clasped behind his back, posture stiff, Benji appeared to listen to Alec’s every word, seemingly attentive. But in truth, he was working on his breathing, attempting to get himself into a meditative state, or as close to one as he could manage, especially knowing Juliet was to play Strigoi today. He’d discovered a combination of faith and focus was the only way he could make it through his training sessions with her, but it took some time to completely surrender over to. He knew the briefing and expectations well, having worked with the Lightwoods to set the assignments in the first place, but Juliet's role in it had been a surprise, and he had to work on lowering his respiratory rate. After reciting a Russian prayer in his mind, feeling the growing slowness of his breath, Benji was ready, and the group set to work roleplaying various scenarios, particularly for defense. He couldn't show his hesitation, couldn't put his worry on display, had to lead by example. He was their mentor for a reason and he couldn't let his heart betray that dynamic.

Having successfully separated himself from his emotions, adrenaline running high, it took Benjamin a moment to actually notice the Moroi's arrival. But Adrian’s smug voice quickly put an end to his focus. Immediately, Benji’s jaw tightened, noticing the tension he’d worked so hard to send away return to his muscles. If the pureblood had just slipped in quietly, actually shown some respect for the process for once in his life, perhaps the dhampir could have just let things slide. But Adrian seemed intent on causing drama wherever he went, the memory of their altercation a few nights earlier fresh in his mind. Already, Benji wanted to chew him out, though he somehow managed to muster enough patience to at least think the wording through first. He hadn't had a chance to think back at Barcelo, too focused on Eli's wellbeing. Perhaps this incident was better left for the Lightwoods to deal with altogether — they were the dhampirs' superiors, after all. But to everybody’s surprise, Juliet piped up first.

As always, her voice sent electricity through him, the sound a reminder of her very real presence. He would’ve become consumed by the sensation had he not noticed the biting edge in her voice, an impatience that went beyond mere irritation. Although he felt the same upon hearing Adrian’s request to waste more of Eddie's time, he felt concern for her, worried the Strigoi roleplay had been too much after all. Benji himself had gotten stuck into the scenarios, hadn't pulled his punches. Had it ultimately not been the right thing to do? His frown grew, trying to read her. He knew her so well, had studied every mannerism, every look, for years — and yet, they were essentially strangers now, only a few words exchanged between them since they'd been reunited. He would've gotten lost in the thought spiral had Adrian not continued on, the man suddenly turning on Juliet. Hearing his own name, Benjamin turned to look at him.

He almost couldn’t believe it. The royal swayed in his spot, near-empty vodka bottle in hand, looking like he hadn't sleep for weeks, and he had the sudden audacity to call out his own relationship? To make fun of Juliet? Seeing the smile, Benji's eyes narrowed and anger shot through his limbs immediately, his fists following suit. Embarrassment and rage cycled his veins, heartache that the fracture between him and Juliet was so obvious to someone as absent as him, and fury that it had been dragged out into the limelight without either of their permissions. Suddenly, nothing seemed more important than wiping the grin off the Moroi’s face. He took a step in the man’s direction, only for Eddie to quickly intervene. Right then, respect for his fellow dhampir was the one sole thing stopping Benji from smashing Adrian’s face in. Eddie was his guardian, and he’d done the right thing by de-escalating. Benji continued to battle with reason, fingers aching with how tightly they were curled, but still, he attempted to breathe. He could come back from this, pull himself back from the knife’s edge, so long as the Moroi behaved. But Eddie had given him far too easy of an out.

“— Nyet,” Benji interrupted immediately, the edge in his voice dangerous. “He can stay right here.” If Adrian weren’t Moroi, he would’ve made it an order, but unfortunately, he had no real jurisdiction. Still, he wouldn’t be letting him off that easily, not after he’d just taken aim at Juliet, had made their issues so public. When he continued on, Benji's voice had lost its malice, replaced by condescension. Two could play at this game. “I mean, he's finally shown up. And no doubt he's come here to work, haven’t you, Adrian? To put in some actual effort? To show your guardian some basic respect?” His smirk was suppressed but barely, his eyes not leaving the Moroi’s. "But I know that's a foreign concept to you, so let me explain how this works — Eddie is a novice assigned to you. However, he is a part of this group and he reports directly to us. That means anything you wish to say to him, you say to all of us. So, Lord Ivashkov. What's on your mind?"

But he was struggling to muster that patience now. Unfortunately, he was running on only a few hours' sleep after spending the night mentoring the guardian of the man before him. The very same man who was currently smoking weed and skipping training. “Are you ever going to take this seriously?” He spat, arms crossed, looking down at him. “I was up all night with Eddie, training for you, learning for you, and you can’t even be bothered to show up for a few hours? Pozorish'sya. Do you truly have that little respect for him?”