gone

“I asked him, “when do we end this? It can’t go on forever.” He stopped in his tracks midway and looked over at me. He shrugged and continued walking in silence for the next couple of minutes. “Whenever it gets complicated I guess,” he replied, shoving his hands into his pockets. Letting his words sink in, I realize that he means that I’m not worth the complications. That he only likes this because we’re carefree and happy in this moment. When the disagreements kicks in and issues arise, he’ll leave. I nodded, putting my walls up, “And how can it get complicated?” We reached his car in the parking and he opened the driver’s seat, while I got into the passenger side. Turning the keys in the ignition, he glanced over at me and kissed me, attempting to distract my words. I pushed him away and raised an eyebrow, “well?” “When we want different things.” He sighed. I thought about that for a second. What does it mean? When the sight of me doesn’t do it for him anymore? When he meets someone more beautiful? Or is it when I meet someone who actually treats me right? When the light finally goes off in me that I deserve something, someone better. When I demand to be treated like a lover and not a toy? “Don’t we already do?” I asked. He wants my heart and all of me, but not in a loving way. In a territorial, bad intentions type of way. He grabbed my hands and opened his mouth to speak but I stopped his thoughts. “Why don’t we end this now? On a high note? Why should we wait for things to get complicated down the road? Maybe this way, we’ll still be friends.” He tore his gaze away from my eyes, looking straight ahead at the dark and gloomy weather. We sat there quiet for a couple of minutes before I couldn’t take it anymore. “I always want us to be friends. Can you promise me that?” He turns towards me and instead of reassuring me. He kisses me. Hard. And I was too weak to push him away again. And then I realized. I realized it in that moment. The cold hard truth. We can never be friends. Even after this ends… We have too much attraction and passion between us. We can never lock eyes without wanting to rip each other’s clothes off. We can never sit calmly in front of each other without the thought of how amazing our lips would feel against each other. I’ll never stop craving the taste of his mouth and his hands will never be off me for too long. But all I ask for is this… when the fire burns out, please don’t forget me. Don’t forget how we met. Don’t forget our first kiss. Don’t forget all of our playful times, all of the laughs we shared. And most of all, don’t forget about all of the times we stayed up all night even when we know that the alarm will ring in an hour.”

“when the flame i had for you stops burning, it’s hard to reignite me again. it’s hard to refuel my passion, it’s hard to rekindle my enthusiasm. it’s hard for me to exist in spaces that no longer have oxygen.”