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Andulka
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@belbelbells
it starts, as it will end, with a gardenπ³

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yall.
YALL.
Astronauts are so funny man. Here's just a couple of things I've found hilarious from this past week of space stuff:
It's probably already been spread around here enough already, but in case anyone's missed it; 7 hours after launch, commander Reid Wiseman, dealing with tech issues, uttered the generational quote "I have two Microsoft Outlooks and neither one of those are working."
After fixing the issues that were afflicting the onboard toilet, mission specialist Christina Koch (who has quickly become my favourite of the four) laughingly said βIβm the space plumber, Iβm proud to call myself the space plumber.β
On Easter Sunday, the Artemis II crew hosted a makeshift egg hunt, by hiding packets of dehydrated scrambled eggs around their Orion capsule.
The way the crew always makes sure to make it very clear they're in space when doing interviews. From stuff like Wiseman just hanging out floating sideways on screen or Koch letting her hair loose so it can freely span out flowing around her.
While in transit, the crew decided to record a parody of those bad 80s sitcom intros where everyone turns and smiles at the camera.
When the crew reached the furthest point from Earth in the mission, they jokingly clambored over each other in an effort to get to the far side of the capsule, so that they could individually claim to be the furthest person from earth.
At the same time, on the ISS which was at the time on the other side of earth, the 7 astronauts onboard had a light-hearted race to the far side of the station, making jokes about being the furthest humans from Artemis.
On the way back to earth, NASA actually managed to establish an audio call between the crews of the ISS and Artemis II (where they shared the above info), and Koch called one member of the ISS crew, Jessica Meir, her "astro-sister" as the two of them previously spacewalker together in 2019. Meir then responded I'm so happy that we are back in space together, even if we are a few miles apart" (a few here being 230,000).
While Jeremy Hansen was doing an interview, Wiseman and Koch were just in the background swatting the mission mascot (a little moon plush toy named Rise) back and forth between each other.
!!!

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Can't decide whether it's funnier to say "my hungry ass could never work at a" and then say something that implies you're eating something truly grotesque or something that just, makes no sense
"my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon" awful. 10/10
"my hungry ass could never be a truck driver" ????? 10/10
EATYIGNIN TIJOK;L'HE????
You're right, that would be shocking.
happy 420 and 3rd life anniversary remember to leave out weed and cookies for gtws tonight <3
anyway i looked up the post about seeing your grandma's boobs and tumblr has deleted the screenshot of the story where the finnish dude says that americans are "like that" because they haven't seen their grandma's tits
good job tumblr π
there it is!
my comments on that post were (sorry for shamelessly copy-pasting them):
american attitudes about nudity are fucking wild, and the worst part is that because they're american, they just assume that everyone everywhere thinks the same. i will never forget seeing people on a left-leaning, progressive site saying that families bathing together is creepy and gross and clearly a sign that something is wrong with the family, that they'd never seen their siblings or parents naked and would in fact rather die. meanwhile to this day i bathe and go to the sauna with my sister and mother and have been bathing and sauna'ing with various family members - and even strangers! - my whole life. but yes, can confirm, seeing your grandma's tits as a child does you good, and not just because it teaches you that "beauty is fake and temporary", but because it broadens your ideas about what beauty even is in the first place. my sister and i used to spend our summers at our grandma's house by the countryside and frequently bathed and went to sauna with her. we saw not just her breasts but also her flabby skin, her moles and liver spots, her body hair and varicose veins, and we didn't see any of that as weird or ugly because they were a part of our grandma who we loved very much. and when we see those things in other people - ourselves included! - we think "well it wasn't ugly on my grandma's body, so why would it be ugly on anyone else's body?". it makes you much more understanding and "forgiving", if you will, towards the completely normal bodies of strangers as well as your own body.
Forever fascinated by the spectrum of morality in VSMP cause itβs like:
Thereβs Owen βI killed 2,799 people who I personally knew since childhood and who personally and viciously wronged me and took away my reason for living, and I donβt feel bad about it at all, I would do it all over again, why would I ever feel bad about my sins, they all hurt me first, they all deserve it, why are you looking at me with pity and disappointment, there was nothing else I could have done, I refuse to let anyone get away with that level of cruelty, Iβll go to hell a thousand times if it means I can make them suffer a fraction or the pain that my loved one felt in his dying moments, Iβll never repent, Iβll never seek forgiveness or accept the very same light that would damn someone as kind as him, weβre all monsters in the end, and Iβll drag us all down together to suffer the same fateβ
And Legundo βI killed over 6,000 people in the most slow and horrific way, people who I did not personally know or have reason to care about, under orders I could have disobeyed but chose not to because it was the only way to end the war, and that decision haunts me every moment of my life and I reformed my whole existence around trying to do more good than the harm Iβve caused, even though I know nothing I do will ever fix it but thatβs no excuse to just lay down and die, I have a penance to pay and by god I will pay it before the end, itβs the only thing letting me keep a grip on my sanity, and Iβm terrified of how close I keep getting pulled to that edgeβ
And Cleo βI have killed well over 80,000 people, under duress and magical compulsion that I literally could not resist, at an age when I was too young to have any power over my circumstances, and I wish for death every day, this world would be better without me, and part of me also lowkey wishes that I never escaped because it was easier to be helpless, even though all I wanted was the freedom to make my own choices and not hurt anyone ever again, and now that I have that freedom Iβm so scared of losing it again, Iβm scared that Iβm broken and will become the thing I tried to leave behind, I need someone to guide me and keep me on the right path and at the same time I donβt want anyone to look at me with anything like kindness ever againβ
And Pearl βI only kill people who kill people, I make no distinction between humans and monsters, I give no allowance for being weak or cursed or taking vengeance or preventing more death or being unable to control yourself in the moment, itβs entirely your fault for raising your hand to another living being, no I donβt care if that vampire killed your family, I said what I said and I expect you to do what I did and be the better person, whatβs a moral quandary, why are you mad at me, why is it so hard for you to just stop, look itβs so easy to stop, why are you making this complicated, just be a good person, itβs literally not even hard, will you all just stop-β
And Avid βI killed exactly one person in my life, and it was entirely my fault and my choice and my circumstances that caused it, and Iβm so desperate to shift the blame that I will attack everyone but myself because itβs killing me to know I could have maybe prevented it, but I didnβt, and I accept all of the blame but also none of the blame because really it was Them who caused her to attack me, itβs Their fault, she wasnβt herself, I wasnβt killing her, I was only killing a Monster, thereβs nothing inherently wrong with that, shut up, itβs not my fault (or maybe it actually was, maybe Iβm just a murderer, maybe it should have been me all along, I wish someone would blame me and call me the monster that I am)β
And Drift βitβs my job to help people and imprison criminals, but the second that my life was personally threatened, I ran away and I feel so guilty for it because now thereβs no one to stop the killer I was hunting, now every death that happens at the killerβs hands is on my conscience, because I could have stopped it or at least tried, but I didnβt, I ran away and Iβm paralyzed at the thought of going back, I canβt face the reality of my own death, thereβs nothing in this world worth sacrificing my life for, and I hate that I learned this about myself, I wanted to think I was strong and I was putting my life on the line to help others, but I just found out Iβm the kind of coward who would let other people die to protect myself, and I am not okay, I look at the people around me and see them making hard choices and wonder where they found the strength, and then I wonder when I started equating strength with killing people, what is wrong with me, I wish I could be more like them, they make killing look so easyβ
And Pyro βI have killed one person in my life, in a moment of uncontrollable rage, after years of enduring physical and emotional and mental abuse, and being told to just swallow it and be civil to my tormentor, until it all finally coalesced and pushed me to fight back, and I donβt know to this day if I was aiming to kill him or not, if something in me just snapped or if it was purely an accident and now Iβm trying to take control and rationalize after the fact, Iβve never had control in my life, everythingβs always been decided for me, Iβve been told over and over that Iβm weak and stupid and impulsive, too emotional, not intellectual, I donβt belong in high society despite being born there, despite not having a choice, is it so wrong that I want to claw out a place for myself, why is it only wrong when I do violence, yet everyone else around me can commit violence against me without any consequence at all, Iβll show them what consequences look like, Iβll show them the beast they all claim to despiseβ
And Shelby βIβve been told all my life about these creatures that are not human, these bedtime stories about killers and monsters and demons that Iβm supposed to fear, yet they were told to me by the gentle voice of my dad, so of course I find comfort in tales of the dark, of course I want to find these monsters that are pushed to the fringes of society and make them all my friends, what do you mean theyβre evil, can you blame them, maybe theyβre just lonely, did you even think of that, maybe they just need someone to hold their hand and give them a hug and tell them that they donβt have to be alone anymore, maybe they just need to know that someone believes in them and cares about them, why else would they keep trying to steal away humans in the night, I would go with them if they asked, of course I would, I would kill people too if I was left all alone like that, why not, why does that shock you so much, do I really look that innocent to you, Iβll do anything if it means having a family again, I will tear apart anyone who tries to take my family awayβ
And Apo βof course I have morals, of course I have standards, Iβm a soldier (I never wanted to be one) and Iβm a good person (I try so hard to be one) and I want to help these stupid people and do the job Iβve been given to the best of my ability, except that the minute I take any action at all, I get told that it was the wrong choice, the immoral choice, why would you ever do that, you monster, youβre so selfish, were you even thinking before you did that (I agonize over every choice I make) but canβt they see that my intentions were good even if I messed up, doesnβt that count for something, why is forgiveness allowed for literal murderers and not me, fuck it, Iβm abandoning my morals, itβs not like they got me anywhere, I might as well serve myself like everyone else is doing, only one person has ever understood me and I fucking love her and Iβll do anything to get back to her, oh my god why are you yelling at me again, youβre making it so damn hard to be a good person right now, Iβm so tempted to just-β
And Scott βoh yeah, Iβve massacred civilizations, it was all the rage back in the day, itβs all Iβve ever known, I was born to power and I spent my life and unlife reaching for more power because why would I ever do anything else, moral quandary whatβs that, never heard of her, donβt know her, I make all of your kill counts combined look laughable, if I ever had feelings and emotions they were buried a long time ago, yeah I had friends, they were all just like me, I made them just like me, Iβm not out to enslave or torment anyone, Iβm literally just over here living my best life, you should try it sometime, you should try not giving a shit, itβs great, itβs amazing, I promise my mental state is perfectly stable and not at all on the verge of total collapse after the loss of one fledgling, Iβm not at all being overprotective of my remaining fledglings and considering altering my entire way of life and flipping my moral compass just because my new friends asked me nicely if we could please not massacre anyone, Iβm fine, Iβm fine, Iβm totally fine you guys, Iβm not looking back at my kill count and seeing the tsunami of repressed emotion about to sneak up and riptide me, Iβm fine-β
And Sausage βof course I think about killing people, Iβm a writer, itβs my job to think about these things, I spend all my days and nights hunched over a desk doing research and using fiction as a medium to explore all kinds of taboo topics, isnβt it kind of interesting to see what the human mind can come up with, isnβt it fun to think about how the only thing stopping most of us from being killers is a silly little thing like laws and morals, what do you mean thatβs just me, youβre lying, I know youβre lying, everyone fantasizes about what they would do if they had unlimited power and no one to stop them from killing everyone who mildly annoys them, itβs totally normal for me to run off into the wilderness and throw myself at a vampire and beg to be turned, we all secretly want it, Iβm just the only one not pretending anymore, come on, come play with me, I know itβs getting a little real now and Iβm actually kind of scared, but I donβt know how to turn back now, I donβt know if I can or if I want to, I canβt even do the cool metaphorical thing of looking in the mirror to see what Iβm becoming, please someone tell me that itβs not too late to turn backβ
And Martyn βyou see the thing about morals is, you assume I have them, I donβt or I try not to, it gets in the way of getting what I want, which right now is a safe place to lay my head, Iβll stay here for awhile, why not, these people look nice and gullible, I can tell them any sob story I want and theyβll accept it, theyβve actually been more kind of me than I expected, theyβve gone out of their way to look out for me and keep me fed and safe, and I keep looking for the underlying motive in their actions and coming up with nothing, and itβs hitting me now after realizing the danger weβre all in that a lot of them are genuinely good people stuck in bad circumstances and I donβt want them to die just for that, Iβve been there, I always wished someone had been there to help me, so Iβll gear up and do whatever it takes to get us all to safety, Iβve never been the hero in any story before and Iβm finding itβs actually nice to feel like Iβm strong and I have someone to protect, Iβll make the decisions that they wonβt, Iβll hold them up when they falter, Iβll be the light in the dark, and for just a brief moment Iβll get to see what itβs like to be on this side of things, the one that stays instead of the one that runs awayβ
And Abolish βyou see the thing about morals is, not everyone can afford them, and I get that, I really do get it, this world is not a kind one, Iβve experienced that for myself and you do what you have to for the sake of survival, it becomes purely a numbers game, there are people with power and people without it and the scales wonβt be balanced unless some of these people with power actually get up and start doing things for the benefit of the rest, I never expected to be one of those people with the power, it kind of snuck up on me, but Iβm here now so I might as well do the job, thereβs no point in making this world worse but there is a purpose in making it better, I donβt really know if Iβm making it better or not, Iβm definitely doing more killing than I care to, and Iβm so damn tired all the time, honestly just point me at the monsters and hand me a crossbow, Iβll deal with it as fast as I can and try not to think too much about the moral implications of it all, I just hope that if my soul ever becomes corrupted or if I go off the proverbial deep end, thereβll be someone else ready to stand in my way and do what has to be done, please donβt make me explain my reasoning to you, itβs both simple and complicated, and please for the love of god, donβt make me kill youβ
And Ren βthe most traumatic thing that ever happened to me was an act of absolute senseless cruelty with no purpose or reason behind it, and I canβt even speak of it without everyone mocking me and laughing because they assume my story is a joke, and now I struggle to trust anyone, human or monster alike, for fear of being tricked again, I withdraw and recoil from genuine acts of kindness, I cannot look into someoneβs face without trying to see the lie behind their smile, the poison in their honeyed words, I beg anyone to heed my warnings as I watch my friends fall to the same darkness that cursed me one by one, I can no longer trust any of them, I know that I must kill them before they escape and hurt anyone else, before they hurt me, and yet I struggle to raise my hand against them, I canβt understand what would drive a man to become the very same monster that left my life in ruins, I cling to my humanity and my hatred of the darkness as the last thing I have left of my mother, and if I canβt bring myself to kill these creatures, then at least I will die before I become like themβ
au where Cherri is one of the evil starting vampires in Oakhurst ^_^

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the ocean queen and... the ocean queen's husband :D
piece for @mcytbattleship, gift for @em-mermaid
some 2026 gamers outreach redraws! πΊ
some little guys! for the @hermitadaymay sticker sheet! Go check it out, and make sure to check out the event & the fundraiser in May :]
women are like diamonds: synthetically-produced women are not meaningfully different from naturally-formed women, and anyone trying to tell you otherwise is probably trying to justify keeping their women mines open
Hello sapphics
Here's a commission for shiningnovum, past life pearlie! <33 Thank you so much for commissioning me~
ALSO A HUGE SHOUTOUT TO MY BEST FRIEND @mizryk FOR HELPING ME OUT WITH THE ANATOMY HERE!! They're an absolutely amazing artist and everyone should check out their work <33

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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have you ever cried at work
yes, in front of other people (office job)
yes, in private (office job)
no (office job)
yes, in front of other people (retail, food service, or similar)
yes, in private (retail, food service, or other)
no (retail, food service, or other)
nuance/some case not covered/I have never had a job
If you have worked both office and retail jobs pick whichever one was most recent
you are allowed to be proud of the victories that no one else can see. like showering without completely hating your body, not breaking into tears at the thought of the future, talking yourself out of a dark mindset, calming yourself down in public, or like waking up every single day and choosing life. be proud of the progress no matter if it is visible for others or not. youβre doing great, keep up the good work!