❝ ❞

2021 is like less than three hours away, and I wanted to make this post to be able to thank all of you.

This year hasn’t been the easiest. I’ve seen most of my important projects getting pushed back so many times, until I wasn’t even sure I was gonna be able to make it work anymore. Uncertainty is one of the worst things to me, I love to plan stuff in advance because otherwise I don’t feel comfortable at all. This year, I could barely plan anything. Every day was a constant reminder of how even more uncertain life had became, and how I had to go against the need to make everything work at my own pace. I feel like there are so many things I can’t save of this year, but it would be unfair to focus on the negative when I can focus on the positive. 2020 has been a harsh challenge, but I was once again presented with what friendship actually is, and with the beauty of what kindness and good words can do to people.

First of all, I want to thank @angelharry , because without you this year wouldn’t have been a year at all. You were with me on the darkest days and on the brightest ones, when I lost all the hope for a better tomorrow and when I couldn’t see clear, you were there to hear about my struggles and to hear about the good things, to help me through my blocks and to always put out a good word to cheer me up. And you always succeeded in that, because I made it to the last day. I want to thank you for the amazing person you are, for being one of the biggest inspirations in my life and for showing me what friendship means, despite what I had been taught by others. I owe you so much and I hope I can make you even half as happy as you make me. I love you so much, thank you for being you and being here, here’s to many more years to live together, hopefully hugging each other and eating Mexican and Italian food soon.

I also want to thank @oblouviated , we started talking this year but bounded quite quickly. You’re such a wonderful person and I am so happy that this 2020 also gave me the chance to meet such a pure and beautiful soul as you are. I love talking with you about anything, and your talent is always beyond words for everything you create. Always keep in mind that you’re an amazing person, I am so glad we found each other and I have nothing but good wishes for our future. I love you so much! You taught me a lot of different ways to be positive, and I honestly can’t wait to be done with this whole messy uni thing so I can talk to you even more about music/films/art and whatever we will want to talk about. Thank you for being so kind to me, I don’t make friends easily because I am always scared to bother people, but it all came out so naturally with you and I am endlessly thankful for that.

I also want to thank some people that I was supposed to see but couldn’t, I wanna thank @dryourtearsaway , @lovestheantidote and @phoenixvinyl because despite the hard times, you managed to show me the beauty of friendship, which is not an easy task, mostly considering the hard times we went through. I can’t wait to see you, hug you and sing along together, hopefully soon.

Last but not least, I want to thank the entire team of @dailytomlinson , because since day one I always felt like I was part of something bigger than a team for an Update Account, I feel part of a bigger family. So thank you @lovestheantidote @dryourtearsaway @phoenixvinyl @angelharry @amsterdamwithoutlarry @vilounelle and @tomlinsun . Thank you for being you, for supporting what I create and for always hyping me up. I know this year has been harsh with all of us for different reasons, but I hope none of you ever loses their light. Despite the ugly sides and people not always being the nicest, I am extremely glad to be part of this big family. It helped me grow through my art, through my insecurities and through loads of things. I still need to fall and get up once again to get ready properly for what’s to come, but it’s always a big party.

Special thanks to some other amazing mutuals that made this year special, because to me this has become a safe space to share my art and seeing so many beautiful comments warms my heart in such a wonderful way. I just started getting inspired by something different than what I always used to do, and seeing such a positive feedback from you people means so much to me and my mind, trying to stick to what I like. If you’re reading this on your TL and you’re not in this post but you somehow know me or we have ever interacted, please keep in mind that you are an important part of what is shaping me as a better person. And even if we never interacted, please keep in mind that you still matter and are so loved. @betterlatethanhouie @iwalkthestreetsallday @louitomlinson @canyonemoon @coileoniamoremi @wallsbylouis @faenies @tattooedlovers @nauticallyrics @goldenlouie @thesuncomesbackupdarling @twoweekrule @amsterdamlouie @finewalls @sweetcreaturehome @curlyhairedprince @ilouistomlinson @amantisegreti @stylex @matchingbees @rosesau @behisoneandonly @louisupremacy @twokissy @alloutshirt @supportiveboyfriendshl @watermelonsugarthighs @loumadeit @sunlightbi @haarryy @burntbromances @la-luna-sa @elysianlarryxx @becauseiwasinlove

thank you so much for the tag @allwaswell16 !!! these are always so much fun to read other people’s and to look back on my own! :) I did one similar to this but not quite, so I’m going to go ahead and do this tag as well! happy new year!

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1. number of stories posted this year: 22

2. total word count for this year: 517,711 

3. list of works published this year: 

look after you series 

like it’s a game 

make this feel like home 

let me carry your weight 

give me love 

baby blue 

somewhere in between 

you know what they say 

until this blood runs cold 

sunflowers, sunshine, and you 

your biggest fan 

tall stories on the page 

smoke between your teeth 

eyes off you 

the way this river runs 

golden slumbers fill your eyes 

living for your every move 

makeup drawer 

sugary sweet 

can you keep me close, can you love me most? 

make my wish come true 

4. work you are most proud of (and why): 

oh gosh, I think my first fic will always be my baby, but from this year alone probably my most recent one, smoke between your teeth ! maybe because it’s just fresh on my mind still, but I loved writing these specific characterizations and the prompt was just the right amount of angst x fluff x smut and a bit of humor! 

5. work you are least proud of (and why): 

xx 

6. a favorite excerpt of your writing from this year: 

from the way this river runs – 

“ It’d be so easy to just open his mouth and plead with Harry, to scream I’m sorry until his voice disappears, but he can’t. Be it his pride or his ego or his insecurities, he just can’t do it. The worst part is that he knows Harry would probably forgive him.

But Louis doesn’t want phony forgiveness. He doesn’t want Harry’s soothing words and pity embrace, thinks he might just break altogether if he was offered them. He feels like he’s made of glass recently and it’s to the point where he kind of wants to tip over the edge, just to see if he’d shatter. Just to see who’d be there to pick up the pieces if he did.

Maybe shattering isn’t negative, he muses. Maybe it’s a new beginning instead of the heavy weight of mourning. Maybe it’s something that needs to happen before he can move on.

He hugs Harry tighter but keeps his eyes wide open. Maybe, if Louis plays his cards right, he can pull this off. “

7. share or describe a favorite comment you received: 

honestly receiving any comment or feedback on my work absolutely makes my day!!!! I don’t think I can pick just one because it’s such a personal thing, and everyone expresses their gratitude in different ways – I can’t thank anyone who’s ever commented on my writing enough for their kind words. 

8. a time when writing was really, really hard: 

probably recently! I struggle a lot with my mood during the holidays and general motivation, so it’s just a matter of pushing through or deciding to take a break! there were several documents or scenes that I wrote that were all deleted and eventually I just had to force myself to take a step back and wait until I was inspired again. I’m still struggling with this to be honest, but some of the ideas I have for the new year are keeping me very excited!!!!! I’m hoping for many good things to come :)))) 

9. a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: 

hmm maybe H’s character in you know what they say ! I’m not usually a super big fan of the trope in that fic but I gave it a shot and I ended up really liking it!!! the idea was random and I wrote it all in one day when I was off work/college and I was really surprised with myself!! I loved writing a more nerdy!H and I think I’ll definitely try to write more of it in the future! 

10. how you grew as a writer this year: 

oh gosh, a lot of ways! when I first started writing at the end of last year I was very private. I didn’t have my work beta’ed and I stayed off of social media except for making fic posts and answering the occasional comment! I met some lovely people this year and they really helped me come out of my shell and feel welcome in this little community <3 I feel like I’m more confident, and I came out of it with so many more lovely friends as well! 

11. how do you hope to grow next year?: 

I really want to keep my rule of writing for myself first. I feel like I pushed myself a little too hard to get fics out before I was ready this year, and I’d like to go back to spending months on a fic and making it longer and making sure it’s perfectly up to my standards before I publish, and that I’m writing things that I, myself would read, and not just catering to what I think people want. 

12. who was your greatest positive influence as a writer this year?: 

oh gosh, I can’t name everyone here but to name a few – @falsegoodnight @cheershalo @behisoneandonly @yvesaintlourent @cowboyharrystan @tomlinvelvetfics and lovely chelsea too, among so many others. if we’ve interacted at all this year, consider yourself tagged! 

13. did anything from real life show up in your writing this year? 

I think in some ways it always does, even if subconsciously! writing tends to be my outlet so if I’m stressed or anxious or anything really, I channel it into whatever I’m working on at the time. not direct events, but the emotions always end up in there! 

14. any new wisdom you can share with other writers?: 

ahh just to go for it I think! there will always be people that will criticize or belittle, but if you’re creating things that you like and you’re happy, work on being strong enough to only care about that. it’s definitely a process, but it’s so much more gratifying that way!!!!! 

15. projects you’re looking forward to next year: 

everything on my wip page, and some other secret projects as well ;) 

16. tag three other writers: