THE SCUMMY MAN

I used to have very lowkey suicidal thoughts in the sense of "I'm overwhelmed and just want this to stop" but they weren't really suicidal thoughts I guess, and when I was heartbroken a few years back and in so much pain that I wanted it to stop, but now I just realized that I don't know if I want to live because what if it never gets better? I feel like I'm getting older but I'm still so broken and insecure and anxious… why would I want to live like this? why would I want this pain and stress to just continue and continue and continue? like I want to live and I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to live like this either and I feel like no one can fix me.

kinda miss being a child and being appreciated for who I was instead of having all my worth rely on whether or not I am sexually desirable