autumn leaves

“I’m… Terrible at making friends. But I suppose it’s worth a try, if I plan on sticking around this area. Hey, crazy friends can be the best friends. They’ll go to bat for you when things are tough. It’s… Not bad. Just a big thing that I wanted to come out on my own time, you know?”

“me too, my friends now are like - my first real friends. so if i can do it, i’m sure you can too. you seem likable, i’d be your friend. they kind of are the best friends, yeah, but the crazy is - a lot sometimes, but you’re not wrong about the - going to bat thing, if that means what i think it means. - that makes sense, yeah. is there a way you can make it better? more - positive or something?”

“Anyone have any helpful tips on trying to integrate yourself into a town when you probably shouldn’t even really exist? I’m finding myself having trouble, and that was without my information being outed without my consent. I feel naked, and not in like.. A sexy way. More like a naked mole rat without a hidey hole way.”

“i mean, i made friends. that kind of helped. that way it doesn’t feel as overwhelming and lonely. they’re crazy, though, so maybe making less crazy friends would help more. i don’t have much to say about the other topic, though, but that must have been hard. was it bad information?”

“But isn’t riffing off one of the fun parts of being in a band? The organic moments where you’re goofing and it ends up being awesome?”

“oh - the band i was talking about wasn’t my uh - out of school band? i take band in school, that’s the one i was talking about. so our teacher gives us sheet music and that’s what i need to follow.”

“Maybe, maybe not. World may never know.”

“i would - like to know, though.”

“I will gladly unplug it; don’t have to ask me twice Beck.”

“i’m sensing you didn’t mean that in a nice way, huh?”

“Nah dude, if anything, it should give you a reason to do it more often! Who cares what other people say? Riff as much as you want, it’s what makes being a bass player amazing. Or at least that’s what my bass player likes to say.”

“well - i usually can when i’m with my band that i have with my friends. when it’s the school band, i need to kind of stick more to what i’m given.”

“Oh! I’m sure you’re not annoying. I’m sure you’re, like, super totally fun!” Margot enthused, clapping her hands together. “Do you often feel like your are? Because like I get how hard it is to be confident. I mean, try partying with a Hilton for a night and you’ll literally hate yourself after, but the first step is like taking yourself away from that negative mindset and like reflecting on all the positive things about yourself.”

beckett nodded again, not being able to find the right words to reply. her enthusiasm was rather overwhelming for him, though he knew it was no one’s problem but his own. trying to keep up with her words, beckett let his eyes wander, knowing that forcing himself to try to make eye contact would only result in more anxious feelings, “that - sounds like it would be quite a night. but - yeah. that sounds - logical.”

“Why unplug it when it sounds so amazing? Honestly- let them just riff off you and you can all have fun.”

“i think they’re getting a little sick of me not sticking to what i’m meant to. my - the band teacher keeps having to remind me to stick to what i’m meant to. it’s fun, sure, but i can assume it’s not fun for them, or him, since he has to keep up with me. you know? i’ll keep the riffing to the other band practices.” 

“Right,” Margot nodded. She always did make a habit out of going off topic or ignoring the comment at hand. She needed to work harder on that. “I think hate is like kind of a strong word though, like I don’t see why they’d really hate you for something like that.”

“yeah - hate is a strong word, i agree,” beckett nodded a few, slow times, “it’s more just - me being kind of annoying, i - i guess.”

“You know what?” Margot started, holding a finger up. “I think that is, like, super cute that you’re just like so passionate about your craft. That’s really important and if the people in band can’t recognize that then it’s absolutely their loss because I’m sure you’ve just got like so much little talent in your little bones!”

“oh - well it’s not so much me being passionate about my craft as it is me getting distracted by everything other people are playing. my - band teacher has to remind me a lot to stick to my own notes, but not many people seem to notice, i was kinda just making a joke about them hating me.”

“you just do you dude, forget all responsibilities.”

“i wish i could.”

It’s not always easy but just think of it as much as you can do what you have too, before what you want too, that you can do after. 

“yeah - that’s true.”

Now that would be a little harder to help with. I think it be you telling yourself the plan. That right now I need to play this and only this, and if this is done you get to do whatever you want. 

“yeah - you’re probably right. i just need to keep telling myself i need to do that, but sometimes it’s a little hard.”

When you’re playing music or when you are like supposed to be studying or working? That means a lot but I dont think just unplugging will help you need someone to take it I think. 

“like - when we’re trying to practice or something, i’ll get distracted by all of the other parts that the other people in band are playing and i’ll just - kinda start playing their own instead of mine.”