I’m sure some of you remember our first baby was through IVF--I’m pretty familiar with things being painful and not easy...so when we recently conceived two and a half years after our IVF baby was born—naturally and ‘accidentally’ (without even trying) I was in disbelief. I couldn’t get past how easy it actually was/should be for couples to get pregnant. It was too good (and free!) to be true. But it happened to us, which was just so absolutely bizarre feeling, but like in a good way. After an appointment at the doctor to confirm it, we began to tell family and a few close friends and coworkers. It was around 8 weeks at that point. Seemed like a safe time to slowly let the cat out of the bag. Other than the whole IVF part, our first pregnancy was pretty flawless (until the end when my blood pressure was off the charts), so I wasn’t too worried about complications. This time around I was having nausea, but I never got sick which was a huge improvement over our first time. Before, I was constantly sick. This time it all just seemed so easy. I was so much less sick this time, there were mornings I briefly forgot I was pregnant. But then my new voracious appetite reminded me. I had to eat every hour and a half or two hours before it felt like my stomach was imploding. I’d get so hungry I’d start to have anxiety and panic. My snack drawer at work looked like the snack aisle in the grocery store. I was a few days shy of 11 weeks when I had to go in and do routine blood-work (since I was a geriatric pregnancy this also included a test to see what the sex was). It was last Friday and actually it was my birthday. Nothing was amiss. After work we went to a baseball game with my sister and her partner. I was still slightly nauseous and absolutely famished feeling all the time. After a bucket of nachos and ice cream I felt pretty good. When we got home that night, I noticed a slightly jarring amount of blood when I used the restroom. It somewhat freaked me out, but at the same time I spotted on and off during my first pregnancy and nothing had changed on that part for this new pregnancy. The next day, Saturday, the bleeding was less so, and I wasn’t too concerned. I still felt nauseous and had the appetite of a gremlin after midnight. Sunday morning came and I was still spotting more than usual but I just still was not that concerned. I did start googling miscarriage symptoms and people expressed cramping and severe pain and blood clots. I was having none of those things. Plus, my pregnancy app told me the baby was a size of a lime so if I passed it due to a miscarriage, I’d surely know it. Sunday early evening came, and I’ll admit here and now that my hackles were somewhat raised then that perhaps my body was rejecting this pregnancy. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t nauseous feeling. It was almost 630pm and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and I just wasn’t hungry whatsoever. That was not normal. The next day, I woke up around 330 in the morning to some cramping. I used the restroom and was alarmed at the amount of blood I saw. I burst into tears. This was it. I knew it. I tossed and turned and could not fall back asleep. I got up and got ready for work earlier than usual. I showered, dressed, put on a little makeup. All while cramping harder and harder. I called the after hours line for the obgyn group at the hospital and got a person right away. I explained I thought I was having a miscarriage and why I thought that and said I didn’t know what to do. The woman who answered was kind and told me to call and leave a message with the doctor on call and they would promptly call me back with advice. I hung up the phone and went into the living room to turn on the local news for background noise. As I was standing there listening to the day’s weather forecast I felt what I knew was the baby passing through me. I carefully walked back to the restroom and it horrifyingly was the the baby in some kind of sack. I was 11 weeks and 1 day along. I cried out “You stupid little thing, why did you come out!” And started shaking. I stripped down and was completely in shock at the amount of blood. Once I was able to slightly stabilize, I left a message for the on call doctor who did immediately call me back. She advised if the bleeding wasn’t under control to go to the emergency room but if I was comfortable with the amount to wait and come in during office hours. It was bad, but not unmanageable. With me wearing a depends. If I didn’t have any leftover from my first pregnancy (for after delivery purposes) I don’t know how I would have managed to leave the house. My husband came home from work right away and we left for the doctor. The office hours were technically 8am but I suspected the doors opened at 730 and I was right. I explained to the front desk worker what had happened and she began to figure out when they could see me. She was able to get me slated for a 930 ultrasound to confirm there was no heartbeat with an appointment immediately following with the doctor. What we feared was true: I had had a miscarriage. It seemed so unbelievable. I felt so good this round and we were so close to the 2nd trimester. I just could not believe it. The doctor was concerned with the amount of blood I’d lost and examined me and said he wanted me to have a procedure called a D and C (to clear out the remaining blood and tissue) right away. I didn’t even know what this procedure was. I had to be hooked up to an IV and put under on an operating table for it. The whole experience was so surreal and I’m honestly going to to be processing it for a very long time. The OR nurse was absolutely exceptional and compassionate. Before we left, she wrote down her personal cell phone number for me to call or text if anything came up. I was floored. I keep constantly forgetting there isn’t going to be a ‘new’ baby. They have the results of the sex, I so badly want to call and find out but then like, obviously what would the point be. I was a wreck emotionally earlier in the week and just when I feel stronger (I usually never cry) I just completely breakdown. I do blame this morning’s breakdown on an episode of ‘Queer Eye’ though. I hate being cynical, but I just knew this ‘easy’ pregnancy was too good to be true.
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