falling;

"I want out of it, I’ve wanted to leave her for a long time now but…my mother likes her, so does my dad. She’s…she’s a nice girl. Sort of." The bulky bartender sighed and rubbed his face with one hand as he glanced over at Beau. He wanted, if only for a few moments for the first time, to say the truth - to hear it uttered into the air that he wanted to leave her because he didn’t love her, because he didn’t like or love women at all. But he couldn’t, he was frightened; and he had to look away in hopes that Beau couldn’t see his fear in his eyes at that moment. "I…how? How would I do it though? Do I just outright tell her? or do I call her? I don’t want to hurt her just because she’s not right for me…"

Oh, Beau caught the fear in the other man's gaze, but he didn't associate it with what Noah was feeling, and his life might be a lot different if he had. He took that fear as fear of Amanda, which quite honestly made his blood boil just a bit. Beau was a kind person. He was soft, he didn't fight much because he'd grown up with a mother who had taught him to never let that happen. But if need be... well, he would fight to the damn death with Amanda over Noah. He didn't deserve the shit that she put him through, not one tiny bit. She'd taken advantage of the best thing that any of them had in their lives and that just... hurt. "It's up to you, No," he said softly, looking down at his lap. "Most people would say to do it face to face, but if you can't... well, then I guess over the phone works. But keep in mind if she has any stuff here you're bound to see her eventually."

Why did he stay with her? He couldn’t outright tell Beau he did it because he was forcing himself to live the way he was meant to, so he didn’t go to hell like he was told he would. A part of him thought maybe the nice gay people went somewhere nicer but he knew better, he knew what he had been raised with and there was no way he was going to go to a good p[lace when he finally died if he gave in to who he was; who he wanted to be. “It’s complicated I guess. I’ve become so used to being with her it almost seems like it’s more effort to leave her.” No, that wasn’t what he was meant to say - he was meant to say he loved her, that he had feelings for her and that was why he stayed. But it wasn’t. It was nothing but convenience wrapped up in scandal. “I do it because I don’t know what else to do.”

Seeing Noah--strong, in control Noah--like this honestly struck Beau to the core in many ways that he couldn't even put a word to. He didn't even know how to feel about this... How was he supposed to feel? Happy, that he didn't want to be with her? Sad, that he felt trapped with her? Upset over how she had treated him? Concerned that she had some weird power over his big strong Noah that forced her to stay with hi--no, he wasn't his. What did he just say? Swallowing, he leaned forward and put his beer on the coffee table, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked over at the other man. "But you... Noah, you need to do what makes you happy. Think about yourself for once, not what everyone else wants." He knew that was Noah's downfall--hell, it was how they became friends in the first place. "You can't stay with her just because it's easy, No. Not when it makes you this unhappy. Not with how she treats you. And you..." He swallowed hard. "You have us now." God, how desperately had he wanted to change that 'us' to a 'me.'

There was a harsh reality to Beau’s words, a truth cradling inside them and slowly hatching the more and more Noah let them soak in. It was a truth he already knew, and deep down it made him angry that others knew it as well - that he had become so uncaring about it. He let Amanda walk all over him because he didn’t care - no that was wrong, he cared about her, in the way you’d care for flowers and mourn their sadness when they wilted; but he didn’t care. “I know I do.” It may have come as a shock to beau, he wasn’t sure, but it was a shock to himself as he admitted it to the other. Normally he’d play it off, he’d shrug it away - but he couldn’t, he let Beau see it and he knew the smaller man was smarter than that to be fooled by his attempts for feign that he was happy. “I’m miserable with her.”

The moment that the football player agreed with him, he furrowed his eyebrows and looked over at him sharply. He actually agreed? He was shocked that his little confession wouldn't turn out that well--he thought maybe Noah would end up getting defensive or just brush it off or something, but not this. He didn't think he would actually agree. "Then..." He needed to think about how to word this. He didn't want to rush anything. God, why was his heart beating so fast? It wasn't like this meant he had a chance with him. "Then why do you stay with her?" he asked softly. 

"It’s true, you’ll see. You’ll come along with high hopes to a game and you’ll be like ‘really? Is this loser the same guy I went to school with?" Noah chuckled and let his gaze linger that moment too long on Beau as he lifted his beer back to his lips and swallowed before looking away. He didn’t like Beau like that, he wasn’t allowed to and he told himself that - no he’d just let him leave soon enough and probably call Amanda around after he watched some porn, gotten off and cried to himself in the shower over it. That was routine anyhow, it was how Noah worked - how he kept this charade up. But there was something that Beau had done, where he’d gone to say something bujt stopped himself, that distracted Noah’s thoughts from his sad attempts to change his sexuality. "That’s….?" He encouraged, looking confused at the other. "What were you going to say?"

Beau shook his head at the other man, a soft laugh pulling up his lips at his ridiculous comment. "Yeah, sure, whatever you say. I'm sure you're just as amazing as you were in high school." Distant memories of Beau in his god awful school colors with Noah's jersey number painted on his face flooded his mind and he couldn't help but smile at the thought; good times indeed, that was for sure. He missed it. It was so much more simple than things were nowadays. He sighed when the last words fell from his mouth and found himself pursing his lips and shaking his head, taking another long sip of his own beer. He exhaled and cleared his throat. "You just shouldn't let her treat you like that, No. You deserve more. Better." 

"Noah I think is the one we have to think. At least, he’s the one I have to thank. Much like always, he swept right in and changed everything up for the better. All it took was one phone call." Maisie remembered the first phone call, the one where they’d reconnected and Noah changed everything without knowing it. It was easy to agree when the idea came up to go to New York. "Maybe it’s just me, but I kinda wish I’d stayed home or gone back home." She shifted on the couch at the little push, giggling as she leaned away and then moved to lean against Beau. "It would have been nice to have had you there. Especially when I was doing my designs, I missed having your help with my sketches if something just wasn’t looking right. I’ve said it a million times but I really did miss you so much."

Beau smiled thoughtfully and looked down. It was true, in a way... well, in a way, Noah saved them all, one by one. Not just now in the present, but in the past... What had they all been in high school without Noah? Practically nothing. People with no where to go, and then he swept in and well... the rest was history. "Yeah, you're right," he said softly with a small smile. He turned to look at her and shook his head. "Nah, you didn't want to stay home. It was just the same old boring Mystic it always was," he said with a shrug. He grinned at her, though, and nudged her a little bit. "I don't think it'll ever get old; I missed you too, Mais." 

"I’m adjusting, I’m adjusting." Noah chuckled as he leaned back on one arm to support himself so he could stretch his legs out a bit. He liked this, the comfort he had developed with Beau - it was different to the relationship he had with Adam, it was more relaxed in a different way. Sure Adam and Noah were close, they had grown up together and were best friends, but he felt like his friendship with Beau had changed to something he had never had before - like a confident. Maybe it was because he knew Beau was gay, he knew that he knew he was straight (or at least that he’d managed to fool him) or maybe it was just the fact that Beau gave him something in this new friendship that he hadn’t had before. He didn’t need to puff his chest out or assert some sort of brutish masculinity - he could say things vaguely emotional and not fear judgement. 

The moment the other man even mentioned his girlfriend's name Beau found himself gritting his teeth, and then when he spoke further he found himself having to bite his tongue to keep from spouting something awful off about the woman. It was just ridiculous how she treated him... Did she even realize what she had? What was he, a fucking trophy to her? It drove him absolutely nuts. He furrowed his eybrows and sighed heavily, bringing the beer up to his lips to take a long swig to keep himself from saying anything. Noah could probably tell he wasn't exactly pleased, but he couldn't hold back his body language. "That's..." he inhaled sharply, shaking his head. No, he wouldn't go into it. Instead he gave him a tight smile and a sarcastic eye roll. "Alright, No, whatever you say, Mr. Modest." 

Welcome back to the land of the living.

"I didn’t mean it like that." Noah chuckled and rolled his eyes, lifting his beer to his lips again for another sip. As much as there was a part of him that wanted to point out how much of a shining example he was about Beau’s statement, it was minuscule in comparison to his denial. Though, since his old friends had restored themselves in his adult life, Noah had found himself avoiding time with his girlfriend and lacking on his whole front to seem straighter than an arrow. The bartender had, shamefully, used them all as excuses for why he wasn’t seeing her and although he wasn’t proud of it, he certainly had no intentions to stop. It kept him happy, happier than he was with her hanging off his arm as some sort of human key through the pearly gates at the end of it all.

"I know, I'm just giving you shit," he teased the other man. "What are friends for if we don't tease you a little bit, No? You better get used to it," he said with a light laugh. Man, just watching the other man reach the bottle to his lips and take a drink--watching the way he swallowed, the way the muscles of his throat rippled ever so slowly--drove him a little crazy. The fact that Noah was completely off limits in every single way was another thing that drove him crazy. Even if he was single, well, the man was straighter than a board and Beau constantly had to remind himself that.

let it out → beau & noah

Beau was getting comfortable--too comfortable. And he knew he shouldn't. He knew he shouldn't enjoy the time he spent with the other man as much as he did... he knew he shouldn't look at him the way he did, and he knew he shouldn't still have a crush on someone for over ten years. Seriously, it was a little bit ridiculous. But the time he'd spent with Noah... well, it'd just let all of those old feelings he'd felt flood back in and he could barely contain himself. Every time Noah asked him to hang out he found his heart jumping a million miles a second and when he finally did well.. it was so calming. It felt like that was how he was supposed to be. With Noah. As stupid as that sounded, really. His mother used to tell him about auras and how some people's auras were meant to be with each other's and he never really believed that until he met Noah. It was a silly thought anyway.

You can’t forget dancing in the rain! It might come with a cold a few days after but it’s fun.

Psh, getting sick from being out in the rain is an old wives tale! I've been doing it for years and never got a cold. 

Boring was far from what Maisie would call her life after high school. Lately she did her best not to really think about it, but she still found herself tracing back the days and trying to figure out where she went wrong. “Isn’t that what always happens? You look forward to being out of high school and starting on this grand life but it isn’t really what you think it’ll be in the end. That’s okay though, I have you guys now so maybe my life will be more interesting.” She happily curled herself into Beau’s side, wondering to herself why she’d gone so long with being so uncomfortable by the presence of someone. Maisie knew she should have left earlier, gone home. “Yeah, worked hard to get it. My set won first place at the end of the year fashion show too. I had some of my best designs put out there and people loved them. I wish you guys had been there, you would have loved it…. Or maybe not.” Maisie laughed, knowing a fashion show wasn’t something most people would be interested in. Plus, she would have tried to make all of them model for her.

Beau laughed and nodded shortly. It was true, after high school he was supposed to go on to bigger and better things, do so much and have this elaborate life... And then it was all ruined. Ruined by drugs and mental illness. He sounded like a fucking Dr. Phil regular. But that was just life, he supposed. He grinned, though, at her comment about her having them again. "It will be; I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it, you know?" he said thoughtfully, looking forward. How had they all found each other again? It was some sort of miracle or something. "That's amazing, look at you," he said excitedly, shoving her a little bit. "I would have loved it and you know it, even if fashion isn't exactly my forte," he said with a short chuckle. 

I’m sorry to tell you but I think that might put some people to sleep. But you know what my favorite thing is about rain? Sitting by the window and just listening to it hitting the window and watching the watch fall down.

True... Oh well. But yes! That's one of the best parts. Just laying there or reading or something... Man, I love it.

Well rain isn’t horrible, I can say that. People might need to learn from you how to love the rain so much.

Rain is life... We wouldn't be here without rain. Well I would be more than happy to teach any dumb rain haters a lesson. Literally. With books and sources and everything.

Rainy weather is the perfect weather, if I’m completely honest. Who doesn’t like the rain?

Crazy people, that's who.

As fun as it was watching Beau do his dishes, she’d much rather be able to talk to him and just have fun. Maisie never had that before she moved to New York and after college. She was alone in a big house nearly every day and it drove her crazy sometimes. Now all she wanted was companionship. Maisie wanted her friends. “No more dishes means cleaning is done and we get to finally talk!” Getting overly excited as usual, she clapped her hands together with a big smile on her lips. A small laugh left her when she felt the kiss on her cheek, happy to have the carefree environment she had with Beau. He just had that way of making her calm and feel like she didn’t have to worry. “I can’t promise that it’ll be that great of a story.” Her reply came a little late, Maisie trying to figure out just what she could say. The truth wasn’t the answer, not this time around. When she joined Beau on the couch, she sat next to him, curling up into his side. She missed Beau. “I don’t know what you want me to tell you. I went to college for fashion design and business, graduated honors, got myself an apartment, got a job to pay the bills, and then came here. Nothing special!”

Beau gave her a contemplative look and shook his head. "Any story is an adventure, Mais, no matter how tiny it may be," he said softly, giving her a warm smile. Something his mom taught him, he supposed. When he'd come home from school and go off on tiny things that had happened... she was always excited for him. She always was, no matter how insignificant the event seemed. He turned and pecked her on the top of the head when she sat down next to him, curling his arm around her and folding one of his legs up underneath him. "Well hey, you graduated honors, that must have been hard, huh?" He graduated with honors too, but he didn't find it that big of a point to make. He didn't really work for it. "Seems like all of our lives have been pretty boring since high school," he said nonchalantly with a shrug.