your mom is a baked potato your dad's dumb ass is asparagus and you are a god damn green bean

people foolishly dismiss desserts and treats as having no nutritional value when they actually are necessary for refilling your sanity stat. to prove my point please observe the emotional stability of the next person you meet who doesnt let themselves ever eat any form of dessert

a severe thursday warning is in effect. take shelter now.

Mice straight up go on missions and no body talks about it

Remember the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to treat them.

6 hour workday maximum i’m not kidding, if it can’t be done in that timeframe it doesn’t need doing.

this doesn't apply to jobs like childcare

If i worked in childcare and my 6 hours were up i would start putting babies in ziploc bags and shipping them to Turkmenistan listed as endangered fruits and vegetables

The person who tweeted “y’all can’t even boycott Chick-fil-A” was right then and continues to be proven right now