cleaned out the garage and found my old thinking cap from when i would think

getting pussy and/or cock is not possible or feasible

I need a blowjob but I don’t have a penis or a strap on and I’m not taking off my pants so you’re just gonna have to figure it out

they called him jack the ripper because he would take fat rips off the bong and then jack offf

the little booklets in cd cases with pictures of the artists are there so you can caress them gently with your fingers btw they teach you this in compact disc school

the ideal media diet for a child is books and music from at least fifty years ago so they are always out of touch with the references and allusions of their peer group

the grocery store should be open 24/7 but they should let the employees go home and just trust us

*trying to pitch public transportation to Americans* it’s like a legal form of texting while driving