Spilling The Vince

Whenever I try to learn a song, especially when the language used in the song is foreign for both my ears and mouth, like for example Rasa Sayang, or La Vie en Rose, or Hana Wa Saku; I often try to understand what the lyrics says first. After that, I appreciate the way that the song was made and who it is for specifically. Like Rasa Sayang, in which as I remembered when I was in grade 8, was a Malaysian children song where the title literally translates to “feeling love” (Fan, 2014), or where La Vie en Rose is about love that turns your frown upside down because you see life in pink, or in other words, it is about love that makes you have a positive outlook in life; or where Hana Wa Saku is about the hope that people see in Japan after a disaster as the song says that flowers will bloom . Understanding the essence of the song makes us appreciate the not only the song but also the writers of the song, and not only that, but we also would be able to reflect it on our own experiences.

What am I trying to say here? I am trying to say that there is something more to what we see, and it implies to almost every aspect o our life. Things we often see as it is something ordinary for us. But when we know why it is there and what it’s worth, we don’t see it as ordinary anymore. We realize that it is special and that it is not to e taken for granted. Like for example, the copy and paste function of our computer devices. Us generation Zs take it for granted that we don’t have to type everything that we need to type in transferring information to where we will write the information we took from another source. But if you will imagine how things were before, you will understand that you are lucky.

As of the moment, I know that I am lucky because I got everything I need. The things that I often take for granted are becoming more important to me every day. Sleep, food, hygiene supplies, my tuition grant, everything else that I currently enjoy. A great example of it is having Jesus. I seldom pray and talk to God. Most of the time, I pray because I’m supposed to. I don’t really see myself as having that great bond to Jesus as of the moment. I feel like He is losing me. I am being taken into an abyss of uncertainty and anxiety and nothingness. I feel unsafe and unsure of whether I will be able to make it through the day, through the week, through the month, or through this semester. I know that I am weak, and it seems my faith for Him and for His plans are weak. I feel lazy, stagnant and I see myself as good for nothing. I really feel down and I know that life will bring me down more.

So, what keeps me going? It’s not just my dreams. It’s not just my loved ones. It’s Jesus. I know that no matter what I think about myself, he still sees my worth. I say this because of the way I know Him. I know that I would not be able to fully grasp everything about Him, but I am trying. And in doing so, I was able to see that I was deep in his love. How did I say so? As I watched the video about Jesus’ historic life, I learned more about Him; how he lived, how other people see Him, and how the church was formed through Him.

The video that I have watched made me see Jesus as a human. I have always seen Him as divine, but this time, I saw His human side, which justified the fact that Jesus is both a God and a Human.

God has revealed Himself to me a lot of times. With the definition of Revelation in Theology given by sir Carlo, which he simply says is God’s initiative of revealing himself to humanity, along with the discussion we’ve had earlier this day, I can safely say that indeed I have felt his presence and that I believe in Him. It has happened a lot of times that it is impossible for someone very human like me to remember it all. But I do remember that God has revealed Himself to me a lot of times every time I’m close to nature where I can see the beauty of his creations more clearly. I remember Him every time I go to bed, thanking Him that I made it through the day, and asking for His guidance for tomorrow. I remember Him every time I eat my meals, knowing that it is His blessings. In those things and more, God has revealed Himself to me. But if I would pick just one way that God has revealed Himself to me, I would gladly say that He revealed Himself to me the day I set my foot on Tuloy sa Don Bosco Village.

I might seem like the bubbly person in my group of friends, but believe me when I say that I’m the introverted one, especially when I was in grade school. I was not fond of going out with my friends as I feel like there has been a barrier between me and them since I was always that one friend that wasn’t always in the very special bonding moments since his parents doesn’t let him go. I became used to it that there are even times that I would even be the one to ask my mother not to let me come to where my friends asked me to go to with them. And it seemed like that until the month of March, 2015. Early Saturday morning, I was asked by my mother to buy one and a half kilos of rice which I did so. I went to the store and bought what I needed to buy. Going back home, I saw my friends assembled on a tricycle inside the basketball court. Curiosity got the best of me and so I went to the crowd to ask what’s going on. I found out that they were planning to go to Tuloy sa Don Bosco to play football. It is something that is not new to me since I already heard their stories a lot of times that they went there and that they won’t come back since the experience that they have there left their bodies aching and exhausted. I knew that it would be my chance to see and feel in my own eyes and body the stories that I envied so much. So, after bringing the rice grains back to our house, I asked my mother if I could go and play with my friends, but I did not tell her where we would go. It’s Saturday and I’m a kid so my mother let me, and so I went to Tuloy with my friends.

Going Inside the gate of Tuloy, I fell in love immediately with the ambiance it gives: very noisy with the other kids waiting for the coaches to fetch them from the gate, an opposite of the silence that deafens my ear when I’m alone inside the house; there were plants everywhere, very different from the wall-filled eskinitas in Sitio Masagana; the buildings were cemented, unlike the wooden homes in the squatter area I live in. It seems like haven in my eyes, and so I automatically fell in love with the place. As we went to the gym, we had been oriented by a coach, coach Rey, which taught us basic touches in football. We did ball-topping, side-to-side, did pumping, and such. A lot has happened and it wasn’t even lunch time.

Whenever a teacher asks for volunteers for anything, whether it be for the prayers, for the recitation of our school’s Vision, Mission, and Core Values, whether it be for the selection of topics to report and to whether who will be the one to report or recite first, I don’t usually have the confidence to put my name to the table. There is just something about it that makes my stomach turn. It’s like if I would raise my hand or say I would volunteer, the abyss of uncertainty would consume me. Doubts would often fill my head with thoughts like, “Would I be able to pull it through?”, “Maybe I would be a total mess if I did”, or “I can’t, so I just won’t”. It happens on other things as well. Whenever I see things that I know something should be done about it, like for example, when there is a trash on the sidewalk, or when the stairs need some sweeping, when the washstand area is muddy, when I see someone that needs someone to talk to, or when someone does something to someone else just to make them down. I often ignore it because I don’t want to be seen as a showoff or a goodie two shoes when I did something about it because sometimes people treat you funny when you’re like that. It is very human for me to think of that. That is why I see Jesus as someone extraordinary.

My concept of brother before wasn’t very pleasing because I used to hate my brothers when I was younger. With that being said, I had considered Jesus more as a friend because I am most comfortable with my friends besides my parents. I had seen him as a companion that listens to my worries, pains, doubts, and even witnesses my joys, my triumphs, and my eureka moments when I was a kid. With Him, I was calm, at peace, and my mind is clear. I know that he keeps on reminding me that I am perfect the way I am and that I am enough. How I thought before that it was the limelight of having Christ in my life. But I was proven wrong, and I say this because of what I have gotten to become conscious of last Sunday.

Last Sunday, we once again welcomed outsiders to celebrate the Holy Mass in the Chapel of the Forgiving Lord in Tuloy sa Don Bosco. For health and safety protocols, the residents of Tuloy would celebrate the Mass first and after them, another Mass will be celebrated with the non-residents along with the choir members and other mass servers assigned that day. It was the first time that I was late for the mass of the residents, but I calmed myself down with the thought that I would still be able to attend the second mass since I am a choir member. I went inside the chapel and Fr. Vester was already saying his homily. I was not able to comprehend the first topic that I was able to hear from Fr. Vester because I wasn’t able to hear half of that part of the sermon. My mind came clear when he started talking about the volunteers. He said that volunteers have a good heart because they help the ones that are marginalized. Because the Lord knows that we would die with just our own, He brought Jesus to save us. Now that we’re saved, there is one thing that Jesus asks from us. He asks us to be an instrument for His plans. The Lord is looking for volunteers that would lead the other sheep to paradise. We can lead other people to His greatness by simply being there for them, doing what is right, and everything else that makes you a good friend. When Fr. Vester said, “Who would like to volunteer for God’s plan?” The sight in the chapel after that gave me hope to our community, which is a village of youth with interesting backgrounds. Knowing their stories and their quirks and all, it was just wholesome that all of us raised our hands simultaneously, with different levels of enthusiasm on the way they raised their hands. If I was Fr. Vester, I would be optimistic for the future that the moment promises to be. We all want to go to heaven and we want others to go to heaven with us as well.

so... I once again tried to find some of my jargons. Luckilly, I found one, and I find it amazing.

Ano kayang mangyayari sa atin Kung nawalang bigla ang wika natin? Atin bang mapapansin, Kung ano ang magiging epekto nito satin? Ang mga bata ba'y magkakaroon Ng pagkakataong makipaglaro maghapon, Kung ang bawat isa'y di magkaunawaan At di alam kung paano makikipagtalastasan sa Kaibigan? Magiging masaya ba ang mga magtotropa Kung sila ay di na magkaintindihan? At dahil Nga sa wika pa lamang ay Wala nang pagkakaisa, Ang mga ayaw at gusto ng bawat isa ay di nila malalaman Di lang pagkakaibigan ang maaapektuhan Isipin mo kung anong magiging dulot nito sa ating kabuhayan. Isang halimbawa ay ang mga guro Kung Wala ang wika ay Pano sila makakapagturo? Ating tanggapin na ang wika ay mahalaga Kung Wala nito ay magmumukha tayong unga Ito ang pundasyon ng bawat larangan At ang kaluluwa ng isang bansa o bayan

So, I have reviewed my messages and found a document while on the process. It is a position paper that I made last school year for our class in a subject with a name that I can’t recall. This is what it says:

Footpath enhancement as a solution for traffic in the Philippines Traffic has been a problem that has been a burden for us who live in the area of Metropolitan Manila. With that, those who are able to walk would rather walk with all circumstances of walking than staying inside a vehicle for transportation that can be both stressful and a waste of time. But there are also dangers in walking along the road as the pedestrians are involved to approximately half of the road accidents that happen each year. Lack of discipline is not the only one to blame on this situation as the condition of the footpath can also be considered as a major cause of why this happens. 

 The footpath here in the Philippines is often not prioritized by the local government or the country as a whole. There are times when the footpaths are too narrow for a large volume of pedestrians to walk through. There are times when the footpaths are occupied by vendors and establishments that encroach the space. On worst cases, there are some roads that does not have footpaths at all. In this cases, some pedestrians will be forced to walk on the road carriers that is supposed to be a way for the vehicles and not for pedestrians. With this, the road that is occupied by the vehicles would be narrowed and this would later lead to traffic. 

Another concern is that the footpaths present here in the Philippines is highly vulnerable to accidents and the condition is not constant due to climates and human activities. People who chose to walk to save money and time is exposed to the scorching heat, rain, and smoke that is bad for their health. And instead of saving, people would more likely end up spending more than what they usually do.

Enhancing the footpath would be the most feasible action to solve the problems given.  Enhancing, meaning adding footpaths, widening the narrow ones, enclosing the footpaths with roof and walls, making space for some stalls that sells replenishments, guarded with security, and if possible, installing air-conditioners and Wi-Fi, to reach the highest convenience felt by the pedestrians. 

This footpath would make the pedestrians more encouraged to walk than to drive or ride in public utility vehicles, safe from the undisciplined driving of some drivers, untouched by the varying weather conditions, pampered further with Wi-Fi, and safer from pickpocketing crooks and other gangs. But there are some questions about the enhancement of the footpaths. 

Where would we put the footpaths, especially in the commercial areas where the side of the roads are occupied by private sectors? This is a problem to be solved by our architects and engineers. What we would suggest is that we will put the footpath on the higher part of the road; we can create footbridges. And if the stairs would be inconvenient for some like the elderly and persons with disabilities, we can install escalators and elevators for them. 

How about the expense? Surely this project would demand huge amounts of money from the budget of the government. Though it is given that the price tag for the pedestrians' convenience is golden, we cannot deny the fact that there are things in the budget that is not necessary for the development of our country. Some example are the roads that have been unnecessarily redone, given the fact that the roads redone are still in good condition. If we will use the money in better projects like this, it would contribute more to the improvement and aesthetics of our nation. 

Wouldn’t the construction of the footpath contribute more to traffic jam? Yes, it will also be a cause of traffic as we will use a part of the road for the workers to do their task. The good thing about it is that it is temporary. The product of the hardships and burdens is a bigger picture to see than the side effects that it will generate for a short period of time. 

With all the given information, we can say that the enhancement of the footpath would bring us a step closer in becoming a more developed and civilized country in line with the world's most powerful countries...

It’s kind of funny how it feels like I’m not the one who have written this text. Time flies and so are our not-honed skills. This realization brings me back to the last sermon I’ve heard from a mass. The priest talked about the gospel that is about the parable of the three slaves, which were given talents according to their skills, After time, they came back to their master who gave them the talents. The one who received the most talents has prospered the most, in which was rewarded by his master for his hard work. The one who received not too many but also not too few talents also prospered from his hard work was also rewarded by his master. The third one, who received the fewest talents, however, have gained not even a single unit from the talent he was given by which his excuse was,” I buried it underground. I was afraid to use the talent because I know that you are fond of collecting to where you have not sowed, of gathering to where you have not scattered.” Because of this, the third slave was banished from his master’s land and his talent was revoked by his master.

The lesson of the story, in my humble understanding, is that if we will not enhance the talents or intelligence given to us by an omnipotent being or so, we might lose it. So if you feel like you are good at something, try to master it. Because you might be able to use that talent that you have for your betterment.

Someone told me that I am too nice as a person and that I was trying too hard to be a good person. That someone asked me if I’m trying to be a saint or if I’d be a priest in the future. I just had burst of giggles as a response, but what I really want to say was:

I am not being good so that I can be a saint. You can say that I do good so that I can go to heaven, but the opportunity in going to heaven is already given. But the real reason, I am trying to be a good person because why not? 

This was written last month, October 27. 

We live in an era where money is paramount. It serves as tickets for us to consume our necessities like clean water, electricity, food, clothes, transport, proper education, hygiene and other miscellaneous things to pamper yourself like that trending product you ordered online just to be in . It may sound absurd, but it’s true -- except if you live in a Utopia where everything is free --. Where do people get those money to buy stuff? It could be a hereditary wealth, it might be found on the streets if you’re lucky, it might come from dirty work (illegal businesses; if you’re one of those people, please stop), and it might be from a honorable work; a product of our hardship from the work we have, our career.

We have a lot of options in choosing our career. We can be professionals like doctors and lawyers. We can have blue-collar jobs like electricians  and plumbers. We can be businessmen like those opportunistic entrepreneurs. There is a myriad of occupation to choose from. To get a job isn’t really an issue, if we’re only talking about jobs meaning any job available. But to get a job that you’d want to have isn’t really easy. But the real question, especially for students like yours truly, is what career will we put our best foot forward to? 

It really isn’t an easy choice in deciding what career we will have. If you’re already sure with yours, kudos to you, keep moving forward towards your goal. If you’re a bit hesitant and you feel like you need to take a step back to look a the bigger picture, don’t you worry because you’re not the only one having that issue. Choosing a career can be a long process where one experiences lots of synthesis and realizations to finally be sure about it. It can also be caused by a simple reason such as careers that runs in the family. the career that you wanted when you were a kid might not be the one you wanted now, and it’s okay.

When I was four, I wanted to be a carpenter because my father was a carpenter. When I was in 2nd grade, I have written in my worksheet that I wanted to be a janitor because I was excellent in being a cleaner in our classroom. When I was in 3rd grade, I’ve wanted to be a librarian because I grew in love with the atmosphere of our school’s library and how the books smelt when I’m lost between its pages. When I was in 4th grade, I wanted to be an engineer because I was told that I am good at Math and that engineers become rich because of their profession. When I was in 5th grade, I dreamt of either becoming an astronaut or a scientist because of the books that I was reading that is all about the fun stuff in science. When I was in 6th grade, I wanted to become a journalist because of a club that I joined in. When I was in 7th grade, I told myself that I could be the best professional football player that I could be and if not, I would be a chef. When I was in 9th grade, I said that I would embrace nature and be an environmentalist. When I was in grade 10, I thought that having teaching as my profession wouldn’t be so bad. When I was in 11th grade, I said, “Hey, what if I become an agricultural engineer?” An engineering course that concerns with planting. You see? I’m the type of person that does not stick with only one dream. Maybe tomorrow, I would want to be the president of my country, you’ll never know.