Friendly reminder that abusers, cults, and other high-demand groups frequently use acts of kindness to lure in victims. The technical term for this is love bombing, which is defined as “an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection.” Humans have a natural instinct to reciprocate kindness, so if someone goes out of their way to do nice things for us we’re more likely to do what they ask of us. Manipulators take advantage of this by showering their target with attention, praise, affection, and/or gifts.
Gifts should not come with a request attached. Positive attention should not be conditional. If someone does something nice for you and then immediately follows it up with a request or demand, they are trying to manipulate you (whether they realize it or not). You are allowed to say no. You are allowed to say thank you, accept the gift, and politely decline the request/demand.
Just because someone is nice to you doesn’t mean you have an obligation to return the favor by doing what they want – and besides, someone who is only nice to you because they want something isn’t really being nice, are they?
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