be.ill

Lately I haven’t had the energy to do the things I enjoy. It’s been an odd feeling cause I have large passion for the things I love. I also love encouraging people to do what you love more often and you’ll be happy. I haven’t taken heed of my own advice. My energy is else where and I can’t seem to grasp it. It’s strange. It’s like I want to but I’m distracted by something and I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe I need encouragement from friends and people that love me. I haven’t felt love in a while either. Maybe that’s what it is. Love is my energy. I can’t let that be it. I need to find my own energy and enough self love to create that energy to do what I love. What if it’s something I don’t actually love? That can’t be. I love music. It’s a passion. I enjoy it too much to not do it. Whatever it is I need to find my energy and embrace it. Hey energy! I need you now more than ever!

I don’t need you now

I moved back to Hawaii. I have no real expectations. I just wanted a change. Change of scenery and lifestyle. I got fat and lazy yet I was still happy but concerned. My lifestyle choices were on a very dark path to being in a unhealthy place. I know I'll miss home to the most extreme but I had to do what I had to to better myself. Better my health. Better my lifestyle choices. Better scenery. I love home no everything that comes with it. It doesn't mean that I won't be back, just not anytime soon. I already miss my nephews and nieces. It's heartbreaking for me to not be around their lives that often. I hurts so much. I already miss my mom. I'm just so concerned for her that I'm not around to keep her company. I'm getting sadder and sadder writing this. It's only been a week since I moved back and everything still hurts. I cried myself to sleep the first two night. I cried when I left the house. I cried when I was on the plane and I want to cry right now. This is not conflict. This is a part of growing. I have to do this. If I didn't do this then why. I have no idea. I miss her. I miss her a lot. I think about her all the time. I want to see her face. I want hear her voice. I know FaceTime exist but she doesn't know how I felt or feel. I think she does know how I feel but idk. It was nice to take a weekend off from DJ'ing but thinking about it I really wish I had DJ'ed last weekend. Damn it I'm fucking losing it here but not really. It's nice and calm and my life is with on a healthy path of stability but the chaos is to come. Goodnight and I love you all.

Made a drake mix of all the songs he's sung about women.

Majid Jordan by Majid Jordan