oncewerewarrior

Many who first come to view and explore the community of BDSM on Tumblr, enter with the incorrect assumption that they are entering a world with very informal relationships, as well as making certain assumptions about D/s types. What follows is a list of common misconceptions, and the truth behind them.

1. Submissive girls are up for grabs.

Submissive girls are either in a relationship, or they are not. If they are, they belong to no one but their own Dominant. No others have rights over them. If they are single, Submissives may choose to pursue relationships with their choice of Dominants. During this time, they belong to no one but themselves. No others have rights over them.

2. An existing relationship is no impediment for pursuing a submissive girl.

Most in the D/s community are monogamous. While some couples choose to find playmates, and some individuals are polyamorous, the law of the land is, if you see someone is already in a relationship, look for your next one elsewhere.

3. Submissive girls like to be called terms such as “princess”, “kitten”, “pet”, and “slave”.

These are terms of affection that are earned by a Dominant. Submissives do not want to be called these names by anyone they have not submitted to.

4. Submissive girls like to be referred to as “whore”, “slut”, and “cunt”.

Wrong again. Submissive girls who are into degradation like to be called these names by partners they choose, or by their Dominant. When a stranger uses one of these titles, it just feels like disrespect.

5. I can treat submissive girls any way I wish.

Just because they like to give up control, does not make them unworthy of your respect. In fact, they are due respect in spades for enabling Dominants the ability to explore their half of the power dynamic.

6. Dominant men expect others to hit on their submissive.

While some might enjoy being shown they have something that others want, the vast majority of Dominants prefer that their relationship be respected, and you keep your desires to yourself. Not sure is a submissive girl has a Dominant? Try asking.

7. There is nothing wrong with asking any submissive I meet to be my submissive.

D/s relationships require a high level of trust, which takes time to earn. Asking someone you just met to be your Submissive, is like asking that girl who you talked to a few times, that sits behind you in math class, to be your wife.

8. There is nothing wrong with asking any Dominant I meet to be my Dominant.

Again, it is entirely inappropriate to ask someone you just met to be your Dominant. Why would you give a near stranger such a high level of control over your day to day life?

9. Submissives are all alike.

Every submissive wants to do BDSM the way it works best for them. While many hold common traits, each is unique.

10. Dominants are all alike.

This is also incorrect. Not only do they each have their own appetites, but they adapt from relationship to relationship to provide the care and fill the needs of their current submissive.

This is the third time this week your been mouthing off..

This is the third time this week your been mouthing off..

Maintenance spankings can be a very helpful and can become an essential component of a well-structured Dom/sub or discipline dynamic. Despite surface similarities, the purpose of maintenance differs significantly from punishment or emotional relief spankings.

A maintenance spanking is a regularly scheduled physical discipline that occurs regardless of whether specific infractions have taken place. These are proactive rather than reactive - they're administered at predictable intervals (weekly, bi-weekly, or as established in your protocol) to reinforce behavioral patterns, maintain connection to your Dominant, and provide the psychological benefits of regular discipline.

The importance of maintenance spankings lies in several key areas:

Behavioral Reinforcement: Regular spankings create muscle memory for compliance. They remind you of expectations and boundaries without the emotional weight of punishment. This consistent reinforcement helps internalize desirable behaviors until they become second nature.

Psychological Security: Predictable discipline creates a sense of safety and containment. You know exactly when to expect correction, which reduces anxiety about when you might "slip up" and face consequences. This predictability allows your nervous system to settle, knowing that structure is reliably maintained.

Connection Maintenance: Physical discipline creates a unique form of intimacy between Dominant and submissive. Maintenance spankings provide regular physical touch and focused attention that strengthens your connection to me and reinforces our power dynamic in a tangible way.

Stress Regulation: While not specifically designed for emotional release, maintenance spankings often provide this benefit. The physical sensation helps regulate your nervous system, release accumulated stress, and create a clean slate emotionally. Many submissives report feeling calmer and more centered after a maintenance session.

It is true that maintenance spankings may appear similar to punishment spankings externally. The positioning (over my knee), implements (hand, paddle, strap), and even the intensity can be comparable. The difference lies entirely in the psychological framework:

- Punishment spankings: are reactive, focus on specific behaviors, include verbal reprimands about what went wrong, and carry the emotional weight of disappointment.

- Maintenance spankings are proactive, focus on overall compliance, include affirmations of what's going well, and carry the emotional weight of care and connection.

Similarly, emotional relief spankings might look identical physically but serve a different psychological function. Those are responsive to your emotional state rather than scheduled, focus on catharsis rather than reinforcement, and include more nurturing elements throughout.

The beauty of maintenance spankings is their efficiency - they accomplish multiple objectives simultaneously while requiring less emotional intensity than punishment spankings. They're the "preventive medicine" of domestic discipline, keeping you aligned with expectations before corrections become necessary.