* 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐄𝐒.

#𝐁𝐂𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐓       —      beauty is  terror.  whatever  we  call  beautiful,  we  quiver  before  it.  and  what  could  be  more  terrifying  and  beautiful,  to  souls  like  the  greeks  or  our  own,  than  to  lose  control  completely  ?  

a  dependant  multimuse  blog  for  exclusivenyc. cherished  and  loved  by  liz.  

      ​​camila didn’t like to admit it to most people   ―    but ever since she got suspended from the new york city ballet, she had grown closer to alcohol. unfortunately. 

      before, she didn’t touch alcohol a lot. not because she didn’t like it, but because she couldn’t risk being hungover and therefore not being in her best form. and as a dancer, you always had to be. but now, who cared if she was hungover the next day or not, right ? especially at the moment, where she wasn’t with the nycb at all, no one would give a crap how much she was actually drinking.

      and as much as she hated to admit it, it made her forget a little. and even if it was just for a little while, it was good enough. just for a few hours, she wanted to feel happy again. free of all the worry and negativity in her life currently.

      though the woman still struggled to get by every day since she got suspended from the ballet, camila at least still looked forward to sundays. if you asked her, she’d probably even tell you it was her favorite day of the week. it was the one day where she took a break from everything, no practice, no teaching   ―  just herself, for a few hours.

      and in those hours, it was a ritual by now to meet up with weston. every sunday for nearly eight years, the same coffee & bakery shop, the same order. did it get boring ? never. these two bonded over blueberry pancakes like others would bond over their favorite soccer team or a movie. for camila, it was something that, even if just for a bit, made her forget all the negativity around her.

      with weston, she always was happy.

      it had only been a matter of seconds for camila to order an uber to the hospital when she had read the text on her phone that rosa had sent. while she would have had ballet class in less than an hour, she didn't care. it'd have to be cancelled but the second one of her friends was in need of help or comfort, the woman would drop everything for them.

      she couldn't even possibly put the fear and worry she was feeling in this very second into words, all she could possibly think about was rhett as she anxiously was on her way, dreading every minute she wasn't with her friend. sure, he was in a hospital now, safe, in a sense, but that very likely didn't mean he was feeling miraculously better. if anything, that place probably felt like hell to him after what he went through.

      at the hospital itself, she thankfully didn't have to long and was lead towards his room. however, before the ballerina opened the door, she halted for a second, hand on the doorknob, and taking a breath. camila didnt know what to expect but she knew it wouldn't be a nice sight. she knew it'd break her heart into million little pieces.

      carefully, she now stepped inside, her hazel eyes immediately drawn towards the figure on the bed. she parted her lips for a second, wanting to say something, but she could imagine that he probably had to explain himself a lot already. people asking questions, wondering how he could possibly even think of such a way out. so, instead, camila just stepped over to the bed, sat down on the edge of it and reached for one of his hand.

      camila really didn’t have the right mind for an acting class today, but a) she didn’t want to bail on leo, since she also liked to spend time with him and b) she did need the coaching. especially now, where the ballerina didn’t know what her career would look like in a few months, she needed to take everything that she currently got. even an acting class   ―    because maybe she’d never dance on a stage again, but at least for a camera.

      ❝ fuck.  ❞ she cursed under her breath, one hand running through her already disheveled hair as she looked down at the script she was supposed to work with today.  ❝ sorry, leo  ―  can we try that again ?  ❞

      acting was definitely not her best talent, but she also didn't suck at it. today, however, it looked like she just made a fool out of herself. camila was surprised that he even had managed to keep up with her so far.

“A girl needs my company? Well, that ought to start some rumors,” he gave her a cheeky smile, leaning against the doorway. “Natasha will get your bag to your room,” Oliver motioned to his home personel, waiting a couple meters behind them. A robe covering his pajamas, he didn’t look nearly as fresh as he did on television, but for anyone who would not have been Camila, he would not have opened his door looking like this. She got to see the real him, and she knew there was nothing she had to hide here either. Reaching out to get a hold of her hand, he pulled her by his side.

“Let get ourselves something to drink,” shall we? Not how he planned to spend the night, but he only had to be at CNN by 3pm, and whatever happened, she would always come first. He picked up a bottle of vodka from the cupboards, and two glasses more suited for water. Same color, why should they care? “You wanna talk about it? Wanna talk about anything but it?” Sitting down by her side, he brought her hand to his lips, planting a kiss on it. “Come on, come here,” he offered, opening up his arms for his friend.

      it still felt a little like a dream to camila. as if this didn’t actually happen. or rather, as if she didn’t want it to have happened. 

      she had lost everything.

      all her life, the ballerina had always had the luck of getting what she wanted. and not because she simply could, but because she worked hard for it. sleepless nights, lots of practice, tears and moments where she nearly wanted to give up   ―   but she never did. up until a few months ago, camila had everything she truly needed. especially a job that wasn’t just a job, but her passion. but now ?

      immediately, she leaned into the embrace oliver offered her, her head gently placed onto his shoulder as she closed her eyes for a second, with a deep, frustrated sigh following. just such a simple touch of his managed to calm her down so quickly. like always.

Nate worked full time at the restaurant nowadays, well aware that he needed the money to pay the rent, the bill and buy some food, but even then, it just wasn’t the same. Over the many years in New York, he was used to running around, never having the time to do anything, and now…he had nothing. He had absolutely nothing, and Nate had no idea what he was supposed to be doing. He missed dancing like crazy, but at the same time, he couldn’t look at it without wanting to cry and scream.

It was almost natural for him to end up wandering around the city, desperate to pass some time. He could’ve stayed in his apartment, but Nate wasn’t the kind to do that, he was restless, and so he was out here, wandering around. He could’ve expected to come across many things, yet as he heard a familiar voice, Nate paused, unsure whether he was hearing things. However, as he turned, facing Camila, he didn’t even have to pinch himself to know that he wasn’t hearing or imagining anything; the digust on her face enough to prove that all of this was real. And he would have lied if he said that he didn’t attempt to match it.

“You can turn around and walk away.” He offered to her, not even a hint of his usual friendliness present in his voice. Ever since breaking down, Nate’s emotions were running on the surface, threatening to break through once more, and not having dancing as an outlet was making an impact on the young man. Then again, he had never gotten along with Camila, no matter what. “I didn’t do anything!” He was quick to snap, quick to defend himself once more even if it was completely useless. Would she believe him if he told her it was a lie? “Besides, it’s not like you’re the innocent one.”

      camila’s eyes narrowed at how nate got defensive so quickly. as if the ballerina could believe a single word that came out of his mouth. he had been lying, all the time. sure, he wasn’t a bad dancer and before all of this, the brunette had always admired his talent    —   even though she never really said it to his face. he did have talent. so why the hell would he waste it like this ? 

      ❝ oh come on, nate. you can drop that act now. ❞ she was close to snap. it was as if their dislike for each other over all these years finally swapped over to actual hate for each other. because now, they both couldn’t at least have the respect for their ballet skills anymore. both got suspended. both didn’t have to work together anymore. ❝ seriously, i never liked you much, but i didn’t think you’d think so low, jones. ❞

      camila crossed her arms over her chest, jaw tightened as hazel eyes watched him curiously. she couldn’t figure out why. why he would throw away his talent like that, when he would have actually had a chance. but instead, he was lazy. only slept with other people to reach the top. 

      ❝ you never even deserved to be at the company. ❞

𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐃𝐀      —      character parallels.

01. PAM BEESLY, 96% match.   

 —    in common: nurturing, reasonable, beta, sensible, humble. ❝ there’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. isn’t that kind of the point?  ❞

02. MARY MARGARET BLANCHARD/SNOW WHITE, 96% match.  

—    in common: kind, romantic, meek, devoted, diligent. ❝ believing in even the possibility of a happy ending is a powerful thing, but living with that kind of belief… that’s the most powerful thing of all. that’s hope.  ❞

03. JANE BENNET, 94% match.  

—    in common: soft-spoken, good-natured, shy, docile, naive. ❝ i am not so good to take the good of everybody’s character and make it still better, and say nothing of the bad – belongs to you alone.  ❞ (her sister, lizzy, about jane)

04 to 08 UNDER THE READ MORE.

      at the moment, camila agreed to every job opportunity she got. even if it meant more stress than usual, since especially model jobs took usually a big toll on the ballerina, she couldn’t say no. she needed the money, because who knew where she’d be in a few months ? the nycb wouldn’t have her as a principal dancer anymore and that’d mean a huge cut in her income.

      to her own luck, she had once more gotten the opportunity to work with adidas. she had worked with them a few times, since camila tends to prefer doing shoots for sportswear if she was modeling at all. 

      she was just done prepping, already in the outfit she’d have her first shoot with, as her hazel eyes fell onto a quite too familiar person that seemed to be working with her today. any other day, camila would have gone furious at the side of rylan. they had never gotten along well    ―    but camila was just too tired to fight. to even let the anger and hatred take over her. stupid anger that was all caused about a boy, in the end. for once, even if it was just for one shooting, she wanted to get along with the other woman.

      it still wasn’t easy for camila to go out and act like everything was fine. especially in front of the children in her dance class it was hard. keeping that smile up, encouraging them to follow their dreams, that they will be famous ballet dancers one day    ―    when that dream for herself was ruined.

      she was on her way back home now, exhausted from the pretense she currently kept up. and her mood grew only worse when it had suddenly started to rain. of course. and to no surprise, the ballerina didn’t have an umbrella with her, because according to the weather forecast, they wouldn’t have expected this. she should really start to trust them less. 

      but before she could even complain further, the rain had already stopped again. though when her hazel eyes scanned the area, it didn’t actually stop. only when she looked up to the sky, camila realized something was sheltering her from the raindrops.

      or rather someone.

      the second her attention drifted towards the man that was holding an umbrella over her head, it felt like all the air was sucked out of her lungs. instead, the still lingering, unforgivable pain caused by the man in front of her immediately took over her and all camila wanted to do was run away. but she couldn’t. it was like she was frozen in time and movement, her hazel eyes only widened in shock as she looked him. at the man who had cheated on her.

𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐀 𝐂𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐃𝐀     —    moodboard.

Who: Josefina & ____ [ @exclusivestarters​ ]

Where: On the subway to some kind of physically demanding class

“Remind me again why this is a good idea?” Josefina asked, shifting her weight uncomfortably from one foot to the other. The pair were one stop away from their destination, and the woman was starting to regret her decision to attend the class with the other. She had a perfectly good gym in her building, one that was often empty, leaving her to worry less about somebody seeing her working out. “Can’t we just work out back at my place?”

      with a deep sigh, camila knocked at the familiar door of oliver’s apartment late at night. however, she came rather unannounced. all the ballerina had asked her friend beforehand was if he was at home, as she just wanted to make sure she wouldn’t stand in front of a closed door when she desperately needed his company.

      in her arms, she was holding a bag filled with her favorite pillow, snacks and alcohol. it was obvious that she wanted to stay the night, as one more night in her own apartment would slowly but surely drive her crazy. and most importantly, it was also obvious she just needed a distraction. to forget what happened. for the past few days, camila barely had spoken to anyone. ever since the secret dropped and she got suspended from the ballet, it felt like her life was one big, miserable hole she didn’t manage to get out of anymore. and so far, besides the people at the nycb, no one knew what happened to her. no one knew what she had lost  ―  all because of a lie.

      but now, with disheveled hair and puffy, red eyes, which unfortunately were too much proof of her bad, late night crying sessions, she finally at least had the courage to talk to someone. to not be alone anymore. and who was better at cheering her up than oliver ?