Merlin Will Always Have A Place In My Cold Heart

it’s none of that, it’s ‘I would know.’

Canon-divergent AU; Merlin has revealed his magic, Arthur is upset, and Merlin conjures a little dragon as a peace offering

And so he spends sleepless nights hunched over, murmuring desperate spells over the silver plates. The squires tell him of the best ways to hammer out each dent. The perfect oil to brush over the grey steel. All he must do to prepare for the eve of battle. 

What they don’t tell him is the Sisyphean amount of mental effort it takes. Now, as Merlin tightens the well-oiled straps, his fingers tremble at the reminder of Arthur’s fragile mortality. He fumbles when he secures the couter to the breastplate, as he feels how his heartbeat hammers in time with Arthur’s just a few inches below. He prays that today will not be the last time it does. 

The serf fights a lonely war in his mind before his sovereign steps into battle, and it is just as intense. Merlin must brace himself to let go. To come to terms with the fact that there are still battles Arthur must fight alone, despite all that Merlin has done for him. But it is hard to remember that, when the curve of his palm slides into place so snugly, at where Arthur has it pressed into the swell of the breastplate. 

“Don’t be such a fish wife,” Arthur flashes Merlin a glint of a smile, then runs a thumb comfortingly over his knuckles. Merlin never wants it to end. “I’ll be fine. God, I’ll never go into battle again if it means I’ll have to deal with this much of your worrying.”

Merlin stays silent. That is a vow that can never be kept, as Arthur is not his to keep. The moment Arthur steps out of the tent, into the vast terrain, Merlin knows he will lose him. He will have to give him back to the kingdom they have both sworn their lives to, hand him over to the roar of the thousands of soldiers and watch him disappear behind hardened eyes, swallowed up by the mantle of kingship.

But for now, Camelot holds its breath, the lull before the storm. Merlin steals a few more moments; he drinks in the curve of Arthur’s paldron, the way it curls tight over the shoulder blades and palms the smooth slope of the vambraces. 

It’s not enough, it’s never enough, but it’s what he’ll have to hold on to for now. 

Drawing over pictures from Pinterest but as Merthur (with Gwaine third wheeling obviously)

Where I’m Meant To Be, in which Arthur must deal with technology, Merlin calling himself Martin, nosy friends at the pub, and the way Camelot is incorrectly remembered: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12911394/chapters/29498163

Lights Go Out, Here I Go Again, a short but utterly delightful story in which Arthur discovers a strange whirring object in Merlin’s drawer and cannot figure it out, and therefore confronts Merlin about it, which ultimately leads to a pleasant outcome for them both ahem: https://archiveofourown.org/works/632562

Rebirth, in which Immortal Leon makes a guest appearance: https://archiveofourown.org/works/755647/chapters/1412263

And Time and the World Are Ever in Flight, in which Arthur Returns and almost gets himself arrested and walks quite a way for his Merlin and eventually learns about google and women trying to get off with his former manservant and raising sheep on that farm he’d always dreamed about in Camelot: https://archiveofourown.org/works/37357777