J

I'm afraid of growing up. I'm afraid. Now that I'm only two and a half years away from college, something in me has woken up. What if I'm not good enough? What if I live badly? What if I end up in a house on this very street, going every day to a job I don't like and will never be able to leave? But of course I can't tell my father this. I just can't. You know what he'd say? "Yeah, I'm right", I don't want to lose to him. And what's wrong with wanting to pursue musical theater? It's what I love. But of course, unlike future doctors or businessmen, I need a second option. I'd like to have the little pressure they have now and not mine, which, if it were transformed into something material, would be the size of a whale, a big one (because I don't know the names of whale species). I don't devalue these people. I believe that everyone is dealing with something quite heavy. It's just not the same pressure. I mean, they don't have to train every day to achieve that perfect dance technique, or sing and sing and sing out of tune and drink water and always watch what you eat, or memorize and memorize and mark and interpret monologues. I'm not complaining of course, I love it. But I also have school, karate, lots of other things. They don't have to live with everyone asking you if you have a plan B or making a face when you say what you want to follow or auditioning to get into anything or the things people say in this environment. They don't cry and cry because they think they're going to have a complicated life. I just sometimes wish I could be that people.

And I think that's it, beautiful people,

Not that you care,

I hate men. No, I don't hate most of them but I hate my family's men. I have a father, I often think "unfortunately", and a brother who is in the most idiotic phase of his entire life (I hope). I'm literally at 00:11 in the morning in the living room of my grandfather's house. As expected, my parents have a room for them, my brother has a bed in that room and I sleep on the sofa in the living room. They were out all fucking afternoon watching my brother's football game and I was with my cousins ​​all afternoon, the oldest one being 6 years old and the little one aged 2 who I had to babysit (and that i love so much, I really do). As you can probably guess, it's not exactly easy, especially because my PERIOD liked to show up after lunch and with him the pain, but I'd rather spend another 3 hours just taking care of him and having pain AT THE SAME TIME as I want to spend one more second next to these two idiots. First, the baby is sleeping and as expected, let's keep quiet, right? Wrong. These fools just don't make any more noise because I'm always telling them to shut up. Oh, just to clarify, my mother is not an idiot, she is the only beautiful and wonderful one in this group. I don't understand how she fell in love with my father or how she's still with him or how she managed to last an entire afternoon with the two of them. Continuing, secondly, I'm telling my brother to shut down the annoying sound of his cell phone and he comes at me with a “Shut up” and I snap and punch him, there he goes screaming and my father getting upset with ME because my brother's stupidity lived up to what I'm describing him as and I freaked out. Of course I know that maybe it was a bit stupid to hit him but you know what? I really don't care. Oh, just to clarify, my brother is two years younger but has the intelligence and maturity of a 5 year old. Now they've decided to put on a film, shouting loudly and every time I say to turn it down, they tell me to shut up and I'M ALREADY FED UP. I HATE I HATE I HATE people like that. They really don't want to know. AND IT'S SO IRRITATING. OH AND REMEMBER, I HAVE A CRAP PERIOD, I'M SO BORED I JUST FEEL LIKE CRYING, I NEED THE PRIVACY OF MY ROOM WHICH OF COURSE I WON'T HAVE THE DAY MY PERIOD COMES, yey.

And I think that's it, beautiful people,

Not that you care,