Baddies Please Interact!

You can lie when you name things

today at work i rung up a customer and the total was 12.30 and i said “12:30, reminds me of a clock :)” and they kind of smiled at me with confusion and i was like “like the time on a clock, just reminds me of it… 12:30” and they said “i have no idea what you’re talking about…” with an expression of supreme pity and gentleness. after that was finished i turned to my coworker next to me and said “i just bombed so hard with this clock comment” and then realized the customer hadn’t moved and was still standing right next to me. if my fate continues down this path, the customer will probably read this tumblr post as well

(no beers in) does anyone wanna keep me as their house pet forever

might be the headonism in me but what the fuck is a dopamine addiction. you mean liking feeling good?? in the one life you get????? what are you evangelical?????????

there is nothing quite like asking a cat in a doorway “in or out”