Barbomatic

Once the Fab Four arrive, everyone decides to swoop in. The FF are the vanguard/cool kids/tastemakers (or they're just hungrier).

I've been so entranced by ParrotMania that I haven't mentioned any other birds. The ecosystem in the tree outside our living-room used to have a diverse ecosystem. We had scrub jays, wrens, doves, little bullet birds, hawks, etc. Then the dominating Age of the Pigeons began. It was a Dark Age that lasted for at least 3 years. They have basically been the Orcs of our backyard.

An aside: I have to say that I have always been a fervent defender of pigeons. I don't think they are "rats with wings;" I don't think they should be eradicated; I applaud the advances they have made in various war efforts (there aren't any carrier robins, are there?); and, in general, I think they've gotten a bad rap for exploiting the environment that us sloppy people have provided. 

That said, a welcome side effect of the parrots has been the discovery that the parrots are much more effective in gang warfare and intimidation than the pigeons. They have broken the iron fist of parrots and now the other species are feeling more comfortable to hang out, have some munchies, and drive the cats crazy.

OK, not really. But it did amuse the heck out of me. My sister (who is actually a reasonable human being) sent me the following email (formatting for readability done courtesy of Barbomatic). How could I not respond?

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.. 

'Don't forget your sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.' 

'Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.' 

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grown-up! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!' 

But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life. 

After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned: 

THIS SAYS IT ALL: 

Time passes. 

Life happens. 

Distance separates. 

Children grow up. 

Jobs come and go. 

Love waxes and wanes. 

Men don't do what they're supposed to do. 

Hearts break. 

Parents die. 

Colleagues forget favors. 

Careers end. 

BUT......... 

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach. 

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. 

Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you....Or come in and carry you out. 

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family: all bless our life! 

The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. 

Every day, we need each other still. Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful. I just did. Short and very sweet: 

There are more than twenty angels in this world. Ten are peacefully sleeping on clouds. Nine are playing. And one is reading her email at this  moment. 

Send this message to ten of your friends including me. If you get 5 replies, someone you love will surprise you. 

Happy days! Don't break this; it's working 

My response:

Laura, I appreciate the sentiment but can't believe you sent me a chain letter. This one, however, was so bad it was excellent. My favorite parts:

"As the years tumbled by, one after another..." (as opposed to going backwards)

"Distance separates." But "A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach". So distance doesn't matter or it does? Did she just shatter the space-time continuum? 

What was the methodology of the angel census? She says 10 are sleeping peacefully on clouds, 9 are playing, and I'm reading the email, so I'm the 20th! Yay! But there are "more than 20 angels in this world"; are the rest of them doing something more fun? I want to be one of those angels (unless they are the "worker angels" and doing something horrible like cloud maintenance). What if I was reading the email at the same time as Anne? Would we need to have some kind of angel cage match to determine who gets to be the 20th angel even though there's more than 20? Would Anne have to don a uniform and become a cloud-maintenance worker for eternity? Sorry, Anne. I hope your uniform is blue, not gray.

The fact that it took the author more than 50 years to figure out that "life happens" and people grow up then die just freaks me out.

"Sometimes, [women] will even break the rules and walk besides you..." I was unaware of this rule. If I broke it, would I just pay a fine or actually serve time? Is this how they get all the cloud maintenance workers? Is it one of those things in which the institution imprisoning the workers has a deal with private companies to provide labor for pennies on the dollar? If so, aren't the ruling powers then subsidizing private enterprises, subverting the market,  and having a vested interest in having prisoners? What color are the cloud maintenance uniforms?

You actually sent this to 10 people like the instructions said. What would happen if you sent it to 9 or 11? I, however, did not follow the instructions: I replied to all and didn't include 10 new people. Is this another rule I didn't know about? Am I going to get in trouble? I just want the powers that be know that I know absolutely nothing about clouds, or maintenance, or cloud maintenance. I don't even clean my own flat. I majored in Creative Writing and Literary Criticism, for Pete's sake! I know basically nothing about anything! I barely know anything about my own majors! I look terrible in gray!

I am embracing the Bill Watterson quote and doing something of utter insignificance: spewing more inconsequential garbage into the Internet. You're welcome, world!