Magnus Bane

my muse… 

“You don’t remember?” 

“What do you remember? Anything?”

“Well, you know your name, so that’s a start.”

“Here, maybe this will bring something back.”

“If you blocked it all out… it must have been bad.”

“Don’t worry, your memory should come back soon.”

How could you forget about me? We were so close!”

“Can you actually not remember, or are you just saying that?”

“You hit your head so hard. I’m not surprised you can’t remember.”

your muse… 

“I don’t remember…”

“I don’t even know my own name.”

“Where am I? Who are you, I don’t — !”

“I’m not faking it, I can’t remember anything!”

“I know I got hurt. I don’t know anything else.”

“I feel like I should recognize this, I just… don’t.”

“I’m sorry. I feel terrible, I don’t know who you are.”

“Whoa, when did you get this?”

“Who did this to you?”

“Hold still— I need to clean it.”

“I’m supposed to believe this was an accident?”

“Damn— I’d hate to see the other guy.”

“Does this hurt when I touch it?”

“What the hell, ___? Another fight?”

“What the hell happened to your face?”

“Why are you so calm about this? You’re really hurt.”

“I think your arm is broken. It’s not supposed to bend like that.”

“Here, let me help you with that.”

“You’re bleeding a lot. Too much. Apply more pressure. I’m calling an ambulance.”

“Did you think I was gonna leave you like this?”

“Instead of helping you, they ran off? What an asshole.”

“You need to be more careful. You keep getting hurt like this and you’ll put yourself out of commission.”

“Let me grab the first-aid kit. Don’t move.”

“So, do you wanna explain to me what the hell happened?”

“You look really pale. Sit down. I don’t need you fainting before I get this stitched-up.”

“I’m not blaming you, I’m just saying this looks awfully suspicious.”

“How many of them were there? This doesn’t look like one man’s doing.”

“Sit still. I need to clean this before it gets infected.”

“Wiggle your fingers. I need to make sure it’s not broken.”

“This is gonna hurt. A lot. But it’ll be quick. I need to pop it back into place.”

“I told you not to act recklessly like that. You might think you’re protecting me, but you’re gonna get yourself killed if you keep jumping in like that.”

Because most of them aren’t mine, credits are at the end.

SHORT

“Marry me.” “Do you want me to leave?” “You are not going without me.” “I can’t believe you!” “I swear it won’t happen again.” “What did you say?” “I’m not jealous.” “You’re jealous, aren’t you?” “We can’t keep doing this.” “Are you sure this is legal?” “Isn’t this amazing?” “I’m going to take care of you, okay?” “Stay the night. Please.” “You can’t die. Please don’t die.” “Run away with me.” “You did WHAT?”  “Quit whining.” “Get outta my sight!” “Why are you so annoying?” “Were you ever going to tell me?” “Never in a million years.” “Don’t ask me that…” “I might have had a few shots.” “What’s with the box?” “W- What are you doing?” “Say it!” “I could kiss you right now!” “Are you done with that?” “What’s going on here?” “Stop pinning this on me! You started it!” “It’s your fault we’re in this mess.”  “Did you do this on purpose?!”  “Kiss me.” “Are you still awake..?”  “Excuse you?”  “This is all your fault!” “I can’t believe you dragged me into this.” “Don’t give me that look! It wasn’t my fault!”  “I shouldn’t be in love with you!” “It’s not fair!” “I could kill you right now!” “Knock it off!” “Screw you!” “You’re a complete moron!” “I love this song!” “I can’t be in love with you!” “Make me.” “Don’t tempt me.” “I hate you.” “You are infuriating!” “Just shut up already.” “That doesn’t even make sense.” “Bite me.” “Eat me.” “Kiss my ass.” “Just admit I’m right.” “Just admit you’re wrong.” “You are being ridiculous!” “That’s irrational.” “Listen to me!” “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” “Don’t yell at me.” “That’s it. End of discussion.” “I don’t believe you.” “You shouldn’t have said that.” “Fuck you!” “Shut your mouth before I shut it for you.” “How dare you?” “I dare you!”  “It’s you, it’s always been you.”  “Well this is awkward…” “Just pretend to be my date”.  

MISCELLANEOUS

“Are you really gonna leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?” “The planet is fine. The people are fucked.” “I just did some calculations, and I’ve been able to determine that you’re full of shit.” “You know what I like most about people? Pets.” “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?” “What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.” “I don’t hate you.. I just don’t like that you exist.” “Love is the jelly to sunshine’s peanut butter. And if I tell you that I’m in sandwich with you, I’m not just saying it to get in your Ziploc bag.” “Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.” “Did you really just insult Captain America in front of me?” “Can I touch your boob?” “It’s not that you’re wrong, exactly, you’re just extremely not right.” “You shouldn’t be trusted with small children, should you?” “Give me cake or give me death.” “On a scale from, ’I can sometimes make important phone calls without crying’ to ’I have a stable job with a steady income, a spouse who loves me, a dog, and two kids who are screwed up minimally at worst’, how much of an adult are you?” “You think I’m dumb enough to fall for that stupid move?” “Despite the cliche, it’s not me, it’s you.” “Obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t.” “No, it was my fault for thinking that you might care.” “When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Specially then!” “If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?” “I think I’ve been holding myself back from falling in love with you all over again.” “What have I told you about the toilet seat?” “I tried to change the duvet and I got stuck inside.” “I vote today to be a pajama day.” “You have to tell me why were committing a felony before we do it. Not that that’s going to stop us, but at least I’ll have all the facts.” “I don’t leave messages. If I wanted to talk to a machine, I’d talk to my VCR.” “I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.” “You know we’re suppose to be together. I knew it the first time I saw you, and you know it, too. I know you do.” “Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?” “I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.” “What I hear when I’m being yelled at is people caring loudly at me.” “I am NOT crying, okay?! I’m allergic to jerks!” “This would not happen if I had a penis!” “That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.” “All nighter, you and me. First one to fall sleep buys the other dinner.” “I don’t think I’ve ever played spin the bottle.”  “Sorry! I didn’t mean to touch your butt.”  “I’m ok, thank you. Just please, stop talking to me.”  “To the night you’ll never remember!” “Excuse me, did the 12:15 bus come by already?” “Could I sit here? All the other tables are full.” “Are you meeting someone here? Because.. I think I’m that person.”  “You weren’t supposed to laugh! I’m so embarrassed!”  “It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.” “Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his/her cake hole.” “I’m not gonna die in a hospital where the nurses aren’t even hot.” “You better take care of that car or I swear I’ll haunt your ass!” “This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.“ “It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.” “I could do that, but could doesn’t mean would.” “You cannot fathom the immensity of the fucks I don’t give.” “You’re like, five feet tall. How you gonna reach me, shortie?” “I recognize that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”  “Do you need me to kill someone for you?”  “Look out where you’re going, asshole!”  “Fuck the sandwich guy!”  “I did not mean for stripping to come out of this.”  “The whole street is blocked off. The police won’t tell us anything, but I think there’s been some kind of attack… Maybe a bomb?”  “Oh my god, are you okay? I’m calling the police. I think I saw who did this to you.”  “I’m weird, you’re weird, we could have weird little babies and live weirdly ever after if it wasn’t for the fact I find you repulsive.” “There is nothing wrong with planning a wedding with a video game character.” “I’m gonna lay down and die for like half hour okay?”    “There’s been some real friction in our friend group lately. I suggest an orgy to save our friendships.” “It’s midnight, what do you want?”  “I think I know how to use a bed.” “If I wake up in the morning and I’m dead… Wait.” “You are completely unfit to handle a child.” “We have to get out of this place. It is EVIL.” “Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”  “When in doubt curl into the fetal position and give up on life.” “It’s not a double date, we’re just third and forth wheeling.”

PREGNANCY

“I have something to tell you…” “I think I’m pregnant.” “I’m pregnant!” “When were you going to tell me that you’re pregnant?”  “You’re smart and successful with an adorable belly.”  “$50 bucks says it’s a girl/boy.”  “Pregnancy suits you…” “Hello little one. We can’t wait to meet you…” “I’ll just be in the bathroom throwing my fucking guts up because our unborn kid wants to be a dick!” “There’s someone I’d like you to meet…” “Shh… He/she’s sleeping..” “I have a special surprise for you. Close your eyes and follow me.” “No, no, no, no, no, we aren’t ready… We aren’t ready for kids yet!” “Oh, gosh, I felt it! I felt a kick!”

FLUFF

“Your hair is so soft…” “You’re so cute when you pout like that!” “Just relax, I’ll wash your hair for you.” “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.” “What, does that feel good?” “HA! I found a weak-spot on you, didn’t I?” “Are you wearing my shirt?”  “You are ridiculously comfortable…” “I’ve had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with…” “You’re so cute when you’re half asleep like this…” “You’re beautiful, you know that?” “We should get a puppy!”

STARGAZING

“Aren’t they beautiful?” “These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.” “Shooting star, make a wish.” “It’s actually a comet, but I’ll still make one.” “Imagine if it could always be this way, even in the city.” “Never thought something so beautiful could exist in nature…” “Wouldn’t it be cool to name a star after yourself?” “Y'know, your roof may not be the safest place for us to stargaze.” “This is why you made me drive three hours out into the middle of nowhere?” “Is that a– Wait, no, just an airplane.” “I wouldn’t mind falling asleep out here.

FLIRTY/SUGGESTIVE/SEXUAL

“Did you just… finish?” “They always make shower sex sound so appealing, but honestly, this is getting dangerous.” “I’m not actually feeling anything.” “Are you getting any closer?” “Why do they make this look so easy in all those porn movies?! This hurts like fuck!” “Did something just happen? You’re not turned on anymore.” “Shit sorry, am I going too fast?” “Wow, you’re hot.” “Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” “Hey, I’m open minded.” “Keep sweet-talking and this could go a whole new direction.” “I think it’s about time we stop avoiding the obvious.” “I’m gonna be honest with you. I’m really horny, and you’re really hot. Can we fuck? Like, now?” “I see someone’s happy to see me.” “I saw that. You just checked me out.” “You know, when this is over, we should really have angry sex.” “Take off your clothes.”  “Tell all those other guys/girls you don’t need them ‘cause you got me.” “Don’t give me that face, it’s so cute I might not be able to hold back.” “Boobs are really just squishy pillows.”  “If you don’t get turned on by having your neck kissed somethings wrong with you.”  “Blasphemy! Sex solves everything.” “I platonically want to have sex with you. No big deal.”

TEXTS

[text]: What do you want now? [text]: Do you want to bet on that? [text]: Guess who just got back in town. [text]: So I might be in a hospital right now… [text]: We can’t keep doing this anymore! [text]: Come on, come to the party! [text]: Can you pick me up from the bar? Too drunk to drive. [text]: You have no clue how I feel so shut up. [text]: I call bullshit. [text]: You thought you could get away with that, didn’t you? [text] I gave up great shower sex to be here so don’t say I never did anything for our friendship. [text] Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness. [text] Also, my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall. [text] Who says no to sex and donuts?! [text] I know what you did last summer…

“You’re enough, you’ve always been enough.”

“Please say you’ll be mine –  forever maybe?”

“If this is another one of your NYSNC dance off’s it’s not gonna be me.”

“…– all my love is for you.”

“What’s a girl/guy gotta do to get some chili cheese nachos over here?”

“Hands off. The boy is /mine/.”

“If you love her/him so much why don’t you marry her/him?”

“That’s my girl/boy!”

“Am I really good enough for you?”

“Oh! Look at that hottie over there, they’re totally checking you out!”

“Drinks on me tonight.”

“We’ll always be friends…no matter what.”

“Please don’t leave me.”

“Don’t you dare run away from this! Everything was just starting to get good for us and now you wanna turn your back?!”

“I’ll eat you up.”

“I think I’m in love.”

“So fess up, who’s the girl/guy you’ve been crushing on, and don’t even try and tell me you’re not.”

“Can’t get enough.”

“Sharing equals caring.”

“If this ringtone of a drunk squirrel laughing doesn’t make you either smile or start laughing you have no sense of humor and we’re not friends anymore.”

“I guess this is goodbye then…”

“You’re not even going to try and make this work?”

“Hey it’s morning already? I couldn’t sleep at all.”

“You’re blushing – how adorable.”

“You look so cute when you’re sleeping.”

“I have no intention of giving you to others.”

“Hey I’m getting hungry, feed me.”

“Hmph, don’t fool around, it’s early in the morning – I’m not awake yet.”

“Promise me okay?”

“No – I’ve just got more things on my mind.”

“Hey, not ‘there’, I told you not to touch /it/.”

“No, it has nothing to do with you.”

“Hmm…what’s this? It feels nice, don’t stop.”

“Okay I’ll get up. Just don’t shake me anymore.”

“Do you really want to touch me?”

“You know I won’t be responsible for anything that happens.”

“W-woah, don’t just touch me out of nowhere!”

“My you’re a bold one aren’t you?”

“Are you lonely perhaps?”

“You want to sleep some more? Come here.”

“Ah that expression of yours, don’t show it to others.”

“My my, you’re the one who told me we can’t do it in the morning.”

“I wanna break your heart.”

“When I’m done with you you’ll be begging for mercy.”

“If only someone loved you.”

“You’ll never be good enough.”

“Fuck you.”

“Oh yeah well you can just kiss my ass then.”

“On a scale of one to ten how cool would it be to do a flash mob?”

“Where’s my goodnight kiss.”

“I love you.”

“You shouldn’t love me.”

“I’m worthless.”

“I’m not worth it.”

“I’ll rip your heart out – don’t even think about it.”

“Such a rare beauty, I’d love to have you for the night.”

“What’s your name? Wanna hear me moan it?”

“What do you mean I can’t be a pretty pretty Princess!?”

“Rawr in dinosaur means I love you.”

“Oh wow you really are a girl/boy – coulda fooled me.”

“Ew. Couples.”

“I’m gonna marry you one day.”

“Sing for me please?”

“You have such a prety voice.”

“That boy/girl has danger written all over him/her.”

“Fear is healthy in relationships…and sexually enticing.”

“ – and then he bent me over his knee and smacked my ass. I’d say it was an ideal night.”

“If you call me your super hella gay bff ever again I’m going to kill you.”

“The correct term is fabulous.”

“So you’re my future bride/groom? You’re not what I expected at all.”

“I know it doesn’t seem so, but I will take care of you.”

“Let’s get this straight, I’m only agreeing with this arrangement so my parents would shut up.”

“I…think I’m in love?”

“You don’t have to worry, I’m never going to touch you.”

“I look forward to getting to know you better.”

“Are you scared? Don’t be. ‘ll protect you from today onwards.”

“You are the reason why I can’t be happy.”

“I don’t want to marry you at all, the person I love is someone else.”

“We’ll make this work out.”

“Don’t run away from this, from me!”

“I can’t believe they’re making us get together.”

“It’s crazy, isn’t it? Two complete strangers who know nothing about each other being brought together like this.”

“The moment I saw you, I knew we were meant to be.”

“I know it’s already been arranged, but let me do this properly…Will you marry me?”

“All right, all right! If you’re so against it, then we can work together to sabotage our own wedding!”

“If I don’t win your heart in a month we can call off the wedding.”

“You are mine now. Don’t look at anyone else.”

“Don’t cry. I promise I will love you and protect you to the best of my ability, til death do we part.”

“I have loved the idea of you since before you were even born.”

“ have been eagerly awaiting the day I could finally meet you…and I am not disappointed. You are beautiful.”