Been 4 months since we started talking and met him in person only for 3 days, now I know what it feels like to instantly click with someone, itās when the conversation is natural, when you donāt have to hide parts of yourself, itās such a warm and safe feeling of comfort.
I have started liking him a lot, in the beginning I kept saying that I can only be sure once we met in person, but honestly in my head I was already sure of that this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and meeting him in person didnāt change that instead the longing grew intense and now when Iām aware of what being together in person is like, I keep yearning for it.
When I saw him the first time I was so glad instantly cause he looked so much like the sweet little boy; his childhood picture that he had sent me . For a few minutes we kept stealing away the gazes, and I couldnāt stop myself smiling, which isnāt like me at all. The only thing I expected was flowers but he got me birthday gifts, my favourite was pashmina shawl (which means he thought of me when he was in Turkey), secondly the Hey Jude music juke, the rest were pretty too but these two meant being remembered. Time didnāt sit heavy when we were together instead it passed by swiftly. I realised I could hear him talk about anything.
By the second day I realised Iām doomed cause I fell and thereās no getting out of this swamp, when I called him at night cause I couldnāt sleep and he said that he was unsure it broke me, he said he was anxious if this was going to fast or was the decision we made was in a haste, but for me it was simple I know this connection is not something one would encounter multiple times in a lifetime, itās once in a lifetime. As much as I wanted him to be sure, the last thing Iād want to be is an option or a secondary thought, I want to be chosen with intention and nothing less.
The last day had a shaky start due to the last nights conversation, but by the evening I handed him the note of how unsettling I had felt the whole night thinking that he wasnāt sure of us. I had asked him to read it when the day was over but he asked to read it at that moment itself, so excused myself away on a walk while he read. He rested me to come back when he was done reading, the sun had set and it got dark, but I saw his silhouette and walked towards him and did he towards me. Then handed me the envelope in which there was no note, I opened it and there was a ring. My stomach fell into a pit and I had never felt this vulnerable before, he asked me to marry him and I said yes. After this we sat together on a bench until it was contentedly dark, I couldnāt look into his eyes without shying away the whole time. God I was so happy so so happy. He played āsomethin stupidā by frank sinatra on the phone. We went to Dali for dinner and when he dropped me back at my place he called my name and said love you in a low voice. I couldnāt help but giggle like little girl, this is what surety feels like and I am so grateful to have been in that app or whatever circumstances keep me to him, I am so happy it have met him.
