Young and Bold !!

Some wishes aren’t possible to work towards, but most wishes can become realities with enough commitment and effort.

Kindness is so underrated! I feel like we emphasize the importance of being smart, working hard, or being strong… but in my experience, kindness can have the most impact. I won’t forget the times that people were exceptionally kind to me. 💕

I check the want ads repeatedly  Read through the numerous internet sites of job postings and local companies.  I do this daily. Like a zealot, this, the pursuit of employment, has become my religion.

I pray for a new listing. Something different from yesterday… And the day before… And the day before that.  Something that fits me. Something that I fit. Something  To give me back the dignity that has slowly been leaking out of my soul these past several months. A life line. 

Cover letters & resumes, Being printed & mailed, Being emailed Being dropped off in person to a self-righteous office assistant who looks at me with pity & doesn’t know how lucky she is to have a job.  My resume being added to the pile of applications already received. To eventually be scanned by someone who doesn’t know me, Know my work ethic, My personality, My name. And that fancy, ridiculous resume paper that I can barely afford  Ends up in the garbage, Or the shredder, Or the incinerator…

And I wait.

Wait for the day that the listing closes. Wait for the phone call requesting an interview. Wait for someone to toss me that rope and give me a chance to climb up and prove myself.

But the calls rarely come. There’s just too many of us competing for the same job. Too many of us needing that chance. Too many who have that extra in- Knows a friend of a friend. Is the managers niece, Went to school with someone’s brother. It’s often not about what you know, but WHO you know. And here, in this town, I’m a stranger, A no one  An outsider who has been trying to get in. An unknown.

If the call comes, the excitement  the nerves  the sense of hope  are all mixed up inside me.

I choose an outfit. I do my hair & make up I walk with confidence and smile and laugh and try to sell myself without looking desperate. And I hear interest in their voices, the group of people interviewing me.

Yes group. It’s always 3-6 people.  If this is news to you, you haven’t been on a job interview in awhile have you? 

So I hear interest And I feel hope. And I wait to get that next phone call… And I wait. And I wait. And wait.

But it doesn’t come.

At last the company might send a letter- Informing me how grateful they are for my interest in the position… However- How. ever. How. Ever… I am  overqualified… under qualified… I would be unhappy working for hourly pay… I need to set my sights higher. Or lower. Or “we’ve chosen another candidate”

Excuses made up ways to nicely say YOU AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH  to work here. Not good enough to break your back for us.

Not Good Enough.

And with that letter, and the waiting, And the hope And the possibility that I might finally be able to regain some self respect… All being crushed…

I climb in my bed and cry.