Bad RP Stories

I need more information before I can give a full opinion on whether or not it’s fair to ask it to be tagged so you will have however here are my takes based on the information I have:

Hero/villain ships are not grooming. Period full stop. 

Age gap ships where both parties are adults at onset of the relationship are not grooming no matter how great the age gap. 25 and 45 year olds in a relationship are just as healthy as a 23 and 25 year old.

Please keep in mind the above statements are only inherently and yes a 45 year old can groom a 25 year old, it’s just not inherently a relationship where grooming is occurring.

If they are asking for it tagged because of any of the lying stuff it is absolutely valid since either the perception of the hero that they are being or have been used is a reference to grooming OR if it’s because of the person who convinced the hero they’re being lied to it (assuming there is one) can serve as an example of grooming. (Remember, not all grooming has to be romantic in origin.) These are the only instances where it is potential case of grooming and can be perceived as such, even if it’s not, and I can understand where the person is coming from.

That being said if the person is asking for the tag grooming because they are made uncomfortable because grooming is a squick or being outright triggered it does not matter whether or not the tag is actually grooming, there needs to be some kind of tag on it. Whether it’s an “X don’t look” tag or a tag for the ship name so they can filter out the posts doesn’t matter, there has to be a way to filter it because nobody should be forced to view something that makes them uncomfortable, and you can negotiate what that tag is with them.

-Mod Anna

EDIT: So your local Mod Anna actually googled grooming to get more info on the term because I’d written a nice long post about the inherent nature of tagging and the best scenario and the more you know grooming isn’t just for any standard abusive situation. It is quite literally the act of a pedophile essentially working on getting close to a child and influencing them so they can be coerced into a sexual situation. (And I asked in a server to make sure this was still an active working definition of grooming as well. It is.)

Person requesting that specific tag is 100% in the wrong as so long as the initial encounters happened after both parties turned 18 you literally cannot have a grooming situation. Tagging it as tw: grooming would create the exact issue that happened to me in this situation where a term has been diluted and it would imply that an adult entering a relationship can be involved in a pedophilic situation which goes against the definition of the word as pedophilia is, quite literally, attraction of an adult to a child and thus makes it mean less when it actually matters. (For the sake of our arguments we’ll say pedophilia is the attraction of an adult to a minor four or more years younger but I know there’s a true working definition I’m too lazy to grab.)

There is literally one exception to this and it is as follows:

Adult sees a child several years younger and decides they are attracted to them.

Adult then proceeds to insert themself as close friend of child. They give them gifts and proceed to make the child feel special, fostering a perceived romantic bond for several years up until they turn eighteen.

Adult enters relationship with minor as soon as or very soon after they reach the legal age (18) and uses it to abuse fledgling adult.

Even then this is only grooming because it is likely done with pedophilic intent as the significantly older adult is taking advantage of the minor they are attracted to. 

In no other situation can a consenting relationship between two adults, no matter how wide the age gap, be considered grooming, as an adult cannot be groomed in any sense of the word. Manipulated, used, conditioned, and abused? Absolutely, but not groomed. 

I would ask why the person thinks it’s grooming first and foremost. Then I would offer them alternative tags based on what they actually need tagged. If the relationship is truly unhealthy or abusive, I would tag it as “abuse tw” just like you would any standard abusive relationship or “age gap” if it is an otherwise healthy ship since those can make people uncomfortable and that might be what’s happening. Otherwise, I would offer to tag it as either “person name don’t look” or “shipname” so they can still filter it out and (if they really are triggered by the rp in question) not be triggered by your ship if it truly is an instance of unrelated things causing a trigger to activate. You should still respect the person’s comfort levels, but in this instance asking them to compromise on the tag they’re asking you to use when the tag they’re requesting is flat out wrong I think would be perfectly fair.

tl;dr: Ask the member why it’s grooming and then offer alternatives to use so they can still filter accordingly and you don’t get labeled for writing pedophilia when you’re very clearly not. Because it’s not unfair for them to be asking you to tag something that makes them uncomfortable, but it is unfair for them to be asking you to tag something with an entirely incorrect label.

-Mod Anna

I mean to be quite honest if I told somebody I was done rping with them for any reason and their solution was to write one shots about my ocs (especially since in this case it’s to prove that they do care about your oc) I think I’d be uncomfortable since that comes off as very manipulative. So no, I don’t think you’re wrong in saying that.

If you did at least enjoy the story, I would thank them for the stories but explain that writing one shots about your oc doesn’t fix the problem and that you’d still prefer not to continue writing with them. If what they wrote wasn’t a well done take on your characters it just kinda proves the “This was done to ensure I get to keep writing with you” point and I would just say you already decided that you no longer wanted to write with them and that writing a story isn’t going to suddenly cause you to change your mind. 

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