im going to run away with the rain, my love

you're not making enough of stone fruit season. that's another thing you're fucking up. a few dozen stone fruit seasons you get your whole life. you need to take a hard look at your peach and mango consumption.

Dogs are machines that turn normal toys into wet yucky toys

Soda was an effervescent corn-based drink that was popular during the height of the American Empire. Regionally known as pop or coke in some provinces, it was prepared by extracting corn sugars into a thick syrup to be mixed with water

ⓘ Tip: while sewing, you can unlock scary sewing by losing your needle somewhere on your bed.

born to hank green forced to john green

you and me both, buddy.

Every summer I forget how much I fucking love spiders I’ve drunk one every day this week

Drinking spiders??!

I think that’s called a float in the states. Although we usually plop the icecream into the glass after the soda. Similar effect though.

We wouldn’t be able to call it that because the word is way too easy to confuse with a floater, which is a meat pie floating in a bowl of pea soup. It is every bit as delicious as a spider though. I should get some pies and pea soup.

I would like to announce that this is not a standard Australian food, it’s exclusively a South Australian one and the rest of Australia is just as appalled as the rest of the world.

It’s not our fault that the rest of Australia is incorrect about food.

“average person eats 3 spiders a year" factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in South Australia and BADLY misinterpreted our survey question,,

why is landlord white even a thing. why must apartments become Boring as Hell between occupants. i have never gotten the keys to a place and thought "oh thank goodness the walls are all a dingy off-white! I'm terribly allergic to colors." the big complex I was in a while back had a demonstration unit with beautiful blue walls ... and then your lease says "NO PAINTING, CHUMP" and of course you can paint it back at the end but you're also a little worried about the property manager who's so anal about appearances she emailed you to get rid of the dead houseplant on your third floor balcony because it was unsightly. What are you doing inspecting my plant health with binoculars, Ginger? Haven't you got better things to do? anyway I used to work at a hardware store and I would be mixing paint for people pretty often and yes, Benjamin Moore White Dove in Eggshell is the default, OC-17, start with the gallon base for whites and off-whites, mentally beam MAKE BETTER AND COOLER CHOICES into the customer's mind, three taps with the mallet to close the gallon, ring em up at the back register. I don't think they should let you buy White Dove in Eggshell. I think you should have to submit a 1200-word essay justifying your choices before they let you buy White Dove. Or duel the cashier in Magic the Gathering or maybe Pokemon. Or maybe you can't buy only White Dove alone. You need at least a quart of another color alongside it. Like how some places need to serve food to keep their liquor license. I've decided that White Dove prohibition will be the platform on which I run for mayor of [redacted]. I'm a single-issue candidate. We'll be adding "Walls have White Dove" to the list of tenant move-in inspections that the rent board does alongside "Heat doesn't work" or "Carbon monoxide detector missing". I refuse to believe that anyone could actually enjoy the look of every single wall being "white paint that the landlord half-assed the color match on and only painted half the room with in a sliiiightly different gloss finish than the rest of the room." Vote for me today to deal with this urgently pressing issue overshadowing our whole society. anonymusbosch for mayor: I'll Come To Your Apartment And Paint It Some Non-Dogshit Color. For You.

When the announcer has to explicitly say that they didn't speed up the video, that's actually how fast the critter was moving... you KNOW there's some serious nyoom going on.

I NEVER get tired of this sweet fast baby!!!