olivia

Losing a best friend from childhood is like losing a part of yourself. When you grow up with someone, you shape each other. You experience all those challenging adolescent moments together. You answer the question “who am I?” And “what’s my place in this world?” together. You influence each other in ways you never notice. Until that person is gone.

And then you notice how your music taste is the result of your friend showing you certain artists and bands. You realize that the clothes and style you chose to wear is because of them. The sports you played. The people you dated. The movies you watched. The shows you binged. You realize the choices you make now as an adult are the result of your experiences as a kid/teenager you had with and because of them….

You realize that you are who you are because of the people you chose to surround yourself with. You are shaped by the ones you hold the closest. There’s a reason you chose them. There’s a reason you are the way you are. They shaped you, you shaped them.

So now that they’re gone, you start noticing all the qualities in yourself that are there because their influence. Your personality, your values, your morals… your identity. It was morphed from this beautiful experience you developed alongside them. You wouldn’t be the person you are now without them.

—

Iain Thomas

ANNE CARSON

in the preface to Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides (2006);