opening a wound

Three of hearts reversed. Lovers reversed

I don’t even know where I am anymore. I have a desire they all blow up in my face. Is that self fulfilled prophecy. I’m losing my mind. Nothing makes sense. I’m just carrying my body through each day. No one is coming to save me or help me. One thing I am learning. I am very powerful so at least I have myself. I want to retract all lines of IV drips Ive been giving to others all this time and keep it all for myself now. I want my life to get better. I have to keep my own power to do it. I can’t share like this anymore. If I ever want my life to get better. Never proud never have money. I gotta be alone, go inside. To find that creative spark again and hopefully. It will help me make money I guess. Again though. There is a desire again. Remember. I don’t get to have those. Piece of cake on a string. One step closer is an equal step away. Is that the lesson of my life

Wazzup my heart is Empty all da time and I yearn for a day maybe someday where I get to go on a tiny vacation with a romantic partner and if it never happens don’t tell me it never happens because if it doesn’t ever happen I will fucking shoot my brains out w a gun today okay so don’t tell me anything because Ill do it I swear to god I’m not being funny at all :)

I’m supposed to be slowing down now to hear my inner voice talk to me now that’s what I’m gonna do now and I’m gonna be nice to myself now and we are gonna sleep well now