♔ شهبانو ♔

The end

Miluieljoon is the new handle

What’s the point of talking when my words aren’t even heard.

I woke up feeling refreshed at 1 PM, which is not too bad except that it was 1 PM. I appreciate my family for being so quiet, but then I realized I was alone at home. They’ve always let me sleep soundly. Why wake up a monster that’s dreaming blissfully? Ha. It takes one to know one. I've always had vampire-like sleep patterns. I enjoy staying up late, but it's not something I do frequently. Lately, though, it has become more common. It feels amazing to go to bed before 9PM and wake up at dawn. Amazing. Im ruminating though….I don't even want to think about him. Yet, he manages to creep into my thoughts whenever I try to focus on anything else. But then again, I strangely enjoy thinking about him. I always have. I need to find the willpower to change my sleep routine, so tonight I'll make an effort to sleep early. Thank you, melatonin. I can just close my eyes and intuitively understand everything. The problem is that my own complicated emotions often interfere and distort my perspective, making me react as if I'm a victim. I should just avoid looking if I know I'm being delusional. I'm not bipolar or have borderline personality disorder, but my mild narcissism contributes to a small ego that I desperately want to exile. I'm not sure if you can exile something just by wishing it away.