fox or Dee, they/her, late 20βs, queer & rocking an audhd brain - occasional fanfic + imagines writer creating stories about my favourite characters
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f / o who gently fixes your posture when you are slouching , their cold hands sliding up your back to guide your shoulders back.
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Summary: You and Pope have loved each other since you were teenagers. And then he went to prison, and cut you off. No apology, no explanation, nothing. Just a sledgehammer to your heart and utter radio silence.
Three years later, he's out, and he wants you back.
Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI: Swearing, Mentions of drugs, Mentions of violence, Alcohol use, Gun use, It's Animal Kingdom there's a little bit of everything, Character death (not a main/canon character), Vague descriptions of mental illness (it's Pope), Smut!! Unprotected pinv (wrap it up guys!), Loss of virginity in a flashback, Brief Craig/Reader (they're besties though), Age gaps/timelines might be a little wonky but oh well, Mentions of abuse (readerβs dad is a bad man), Please let me know if I forgot anything!
Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoy this one! I wanted to experiment with flashbacks, and then this exploded out of my brain. Special thanks to @flowersforbucky for proofreading and dealing with my indecisiveness on the pictures and layout because she is the best!! Please let me know what you think!!
Word Count: 21k
-
The bar is dimly lit. Sticky. Loud.
The guy sitting across from you has nice eyes. Pretty, even. Theyβre a light blue, crinkled a little in the corners and looking at you with something like adoration. You try to appreciate it, you really do, but all you can see is naivety. Maybe youβre too cynical. More likely too damaged. Whatever.
You prefer brown eyes, anyway.
Warm brown eyes looking into your own. Large fingers tucking your hair behind your ear. The ghost of warm breath against your lips and a small curve of a shy smile as he leans closer and closes the distance between you-
You blink, and force a smile.
The guy across from you, Ethan or something, clears his throat. βSo, do you wanna maybe-β
A beer hits the table, loud enough to make the man - though you should really call him a boy, with that collared shirt and combed hair and those innocent eyes - jump nearly a foot in the air.
βMove it, pal.β
Craig Fucking Cody stands above you, and you bite back a groan.
The boy stammers, pales at the sight of the gigantic, tattooed man beside you, and takes maybe a full twenty seconds to stammer out his next words.
βI-Iβ¦are you herβ¦β
βOh yeah, Iβm her husband. Fresh outta the psych ward and everything. Now beat it, before I smash your head against the table.β
The boy bolts like Craig set the booth on fire, and you glare up at him.
βI was on a date.β
Craig laughs, like you were genuinely joking. βNot exactly your type.β
βYou donβt know what my type is.β
βPretty sure I do. I shared a wall with your type for most of my life.β
You clench your jaw. βWhat do you want, Craig?β
He sits across from you, all friendly familiarity, and smiles. βI need your help.β
βI donβt do jobs anymore.β
He raises his eyebrow, and glances pointedly towards Ethan in the corner of the bar, trying to save face by ordering himself another drink.
βI told you, that was a date.β
βCβmon, donβt lie to me. You think I donβt know when youβre working an angle?β
You narrow your eyes a little. βOkay, fine. I donβt do jobs with the Codys anymore.β
Craigβs smile falls a little.
Burning rubber in your nose. Panic in your throat. The shriek of the tires drowned out by your own voice as you grab frantically at the wheel.
βBaz what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? Turn around!β
Bazβs hand darts out, and he slams you back against the seat so hard your teeth knock together. βItβs too late.β
βWhat the fuck are you talking about? We canβt just leave him-β
βWe have to. He was too late. You know the rules. Itβs him or all of us.β
Youβre frantic. Panicked. You even start to yank at your own car door, like you might jump out and run back to the bank on your own two feet, and Baz slams you backwards again.
When he makes it to the house, you punch him in the face before you even get out of the car. He takes it, head whipping to the side like he expected this reaction from you. When you get out, you punch him again. It takes both Craig and Deran to pull you away.
βHeβs out of prison, you know.β
You take a sip of your drink. βGood for him.β
βHe keeps asking about you.β
Yeah, bullshit. βIβll bet he does.β
Craig sucks his teeth, and seems to decide to pick a different battle.
βSo, itβs a good job. You barely have to do anything. We just need your help with-β
βI donβt do jobs with the Codys anymore, Craig. Also, I donβt know if you realize this, but using my ex as an incentive to help you isnβt really boosting my interest.β Ex. Your ex. It still feels so weird to think of him like that.
Because heβs justβ¦Pope. Andrew Cody. The love of your life since you were a teenager. Even when you were together, βboyfriendβ felt like too simple of a word to describe what he was to you. It was too intense for such a lame title. Too full of a love so deep it bordered on obsession.
And then it was all over. Just like that.
Craig is making a face. You frown back at him. βWhat?β
βItβs my job, okay?β He runs a hand through his hair, flexes his fingers on his beer. βAnd itβs good. Iβve worked my ass off at planning it, and Baz is out, so I justβ¦I need it to go well. And it will go well if you help.β
You grip your drink a little tighter. Fucking Craig. Fucking asshole with the terrible decision making skills and good heart. Fuck him for being your friend. For making you care about him. For giving you that look thatβs making you feel like-
βFuck. Fine.β God help you. βFine. Fine. Okay. Fine.β He grins at you, and you glare back at him. βBut I donβt want to see Pope.β
Now itβs Craigβs turn to give you a look. βAbout thatβ¦β
-
Your outfit is so fucking uncomfortable you want to die.
Okay, maybe itβs not the outfit. Maybe itβs the anxiety twisting in your stomach so intensely you think you might vomit in the driveway of the Cody house.
Youβve been here since he went to prison. Since you broke up. Not for long - you havenβt exactly been in the habit of hanging out by the pool or anything - but whether youβre here for a minute or an hour this damn driveway always whips the memory of that horrible day back into your mind more violently than a slap.
-
βPut me down. Put me the fuck down Iβm gonna-β
βJesus, relax!β Baz throws his hands up, angry and defensive and so very punchable right now. Deranβs got you locked against him, feet kicking in the air like you might be able to land a blow if you just try hard enough. βI had to go! He got held up or some shit, and if the cops caught us the whole family would have gone down.β
βYou just fucking left him there! We could have-β
βWe didnβt have a choice. I made a decision. I saved our asses. We knew this was a risk. It always is.β
βFuck you.β
βYeah, yeah. Fuck me.β Baz runs a hand through his hair, and you know heβs heartbroken too but you couldnβt give less of a shit right now. His nose is still bleeding from where you clocked him a minute ago. βFuck me for making the hard decisions for this family.β
Rage rises up in your throat again, threatening to choke you as you kick harder. βBoo fucking hoo. You left him! You fucking left him and-β
βCalm down.β Itβs Deranβs voice now. Deran, who sounds choked up and is still holding you locked in a vice grip. The sound of it makes you look up at Craig, whose eyes are shining with tears, andβ¦
Your feet drop back to the pavement, the sound and sight of the boysβ pain deflating you almost alarmingly quickly, and you pat the arm around you in both comfort and reassurance.
βOkay.β You breathe, shaky, and Bazβs shoulders drop.
βOkay.β He repeats, and the sound of his voice makes you grit your teeth. βNow that weβre all calm, we need to figure out what to do.β
-
Heβs in the yard.
Three years later, and heβs justβ¦ in the yard. Standing there. Staring at you. And what did you expect? That he would drag himself out of a grave? Appear before you in an explosion of fire and blood?
He looks at you. You look at him. He doesnβt move an inch.
He looks good. Just as beautiful as the day you lost him. You hate him for it.
βHi.β His voice sounds even lower than it used to. He looks bigger. Like he worked out a lot in prison.
You raise your eyebrows. Something curls deep in your core at the sight of him. Three years later, and you still canβt look at this man without feeling a physical reaction. βHi.β
-
βYouβre bleeding.β
You reach up, swiping the back of your hand over your lip and frowning at the smear of red across your skin, illuminated by the moonlight reflecting off the pool.
βYouβre not the only one who can get into fights.β
Andrew Cody looks at you, with those dark eyes that always seems to see through whatever lie you try toΒ tell him or even yourself, but you meet his gaze with the defiance of a teenage girl who really doesnβt want to talk about it.
βAre youβ¦staying here again?β He asks, standing still from his spot beside the pool. Youβre on a chair. Your face hurts. Your body aches. You nod.
βSmurf says I can crash for a few days.β In exchange for help, of course. Help with jobs. Connections. Money. You donβt mind. Itβs better than being home, or hiding out on the beach again.
He still hasnβt moved. βAre youβ¦gonna stay in Craigβs room? With him?β
You almost laugh out loud. Craig, big and rowdy and often immature even for a teenager, is closest to you in age. He might be your best friend. He definitely has a crush on you, and youβre almost positive that Smurf is angling for the two of you to get together.
βWhy? Would that bother you?β
βYes.β
You look up at him. He looks down at you. Slowly, almost unaware that youβre doing it, scoot over on your chair to make room, and he takes the invitation. Your heart hammers in your chest.
His hand comes up. Fingers brushing over a bruise on your cheek and eyebrows twitching withβ¦
βStop looking at me like that.β
He doesnβt. βLike what?β
βLike you want to kill someone for me.β
βI do.β
βI know.β
Heβs close. His thumb is still brushing over your cheek, and his eyes fall to your lips. You think he might kiss you. You donβt think youβve ever wanted anything more.
But thisβ¦this house, as chaotic and dangerous as it may be, is the only somewhat stable thing you have right now. The only safe place to go when things get too fucked up at home. When your petty criminal of a father takes things too far, or debt collectors come banging on the door. Smurf lets you stay here, and Smurf is always working an angle. Youβve told yourself a thousand times that, in exchange for this, youβll go along with whatever plan she has for you.
This is not that plan.
And yet, as his face ducks closer to yours, fingers curling in your hair, you wonder what it would be like. To feel Popeβs lips against your own. To feel his body against yours as he lies you down right here on this pool chair. You think, despite his violent tendencies and episodes of something your uneducated mind can only call insanity, that he would be gentle with you. Like he always is. You donβt have much experience with boys, but you think he would make sure that you felt comfortable. Heβd probably kiss you through any nervousness, whisper reassurances into your skin as he peels off your clothing, make you feel safe the whole time and-
His lips brush over your own, and you pull back.
βIβve gottaβ¦go inside.β
He searches your face, and you know that his observant eyes see the want there. Still, he nods, and stays where he is as you pull yourself to your feet.
-
βWe should talk.β
You laugh, humorless, and push past him into the house. You donβt get far before you feel his hand on your arm, turning you towards him.
βLet go of me.β
He does, but he tilts his head and furrows his brow in that intense way he has. The familiar sight makes you ache. βWe should talk.β
βI think the time for talking passed somewhere around three years ago, Andrew.β You grumble, and he fixes you with an expression so filled with helplessness and pain that you almost crumble right then and there.
You ignore him, and push your way into the house. Craig whistles at the sight of your too-tight dress and heels, and Deran greets you with a familiar smile.
As you start to plan, to prepare for the day ahead, you donβt turn around. You donβt look at Pope. His eyes donβt leave you the entire time, and itβs almost physically impossible to keep yourself from leaning back against him like you have a million times, over the course of a million similar meetings.
But you donβt look at him, and when itβs time to leave, you storm out of the house before he has a chance to catch your arm again.
The job. Focus on the job.
You can do this.
-
You lost your virginity to Craig Cody two weeks after you and Pope nearly kissed by the pool.
You donβt know why you did it. Well, you do. Itβs what Smurf wants. Itβs what Craig wants. Itβs what you should want. You and Craig are well matched. You love him in whatever way you do. Heβs your best friend. You know how to keep him in check when he acts like an idiot, and he knows how to make you laugh when the weight of everything feels like itβs going to fucking crush you.
So you had a couple of beers at a party. You grabbed his hand before he could get too wasted. Even for a teenager, heβs already fucking huge. Handsome, too. You know the other girls stare at him. You should feel proud that he follows you like a lost puppy the moment you start tugging him towards his room.
It was awkward. And messy. And nothing like the movies say itβs supposed to be like. You know he tried to make itβ¦special, or whatever. He was gentle. He asked if you were okay between kisses as he laid you back on his unmade bed and helped you out of your clothes. When he pushed in, youβd gasped and clawed at his back, and heβd mumbled apologies into your neck and waited until you nodded that you were okay, but he still moved just a little too fast. A little too clumsily. It didnβt hurt too badly, and it wasnβt exactly unpleasant the whole time, but you didnβt feel fireworks or any of the overwhelming pleasure you thought you were supposed to.
When it was over, heβd kissed you, and youβd smiled up at him, and then heβd rolled over and pulled you into his chest and laughed.
βThat was awesome.β He breathed, and you nodded. βYouβre awesome. Was itβ¦did you?β
βYeah.β You think you did. There was a minute, somewhere towards the end, when it had felt pretty good. Not the explosion of pleasure youβve always heard about, but thatβs fine.
βAwesome.β He kissed your forehead, and sat up a little. βWanna beer?β
Youβd smiled, heart swelling with affection that should definitely feel moreβ¦romantic than it does. But itβs still affection. You still care about him a lot. Maybe this is supposed to be right. βYeah.β
~
Pope Cody hasnβt looked at you in a week.
Smurf seems more than happy with you sleeping in Craigβs room. With him wrapping an arm around you when you all sit on the couch together. Heβs even developed a habit of ducking down and pressing a kiss to your cheek when youβre standing in the kitchen, or before he does a backflip into the pool. Itβs fun. You think you can get used to it.
You havenβt had sex again. Heβs asked, almost every night, but youβve always come up with some kind of excuse and heβs always responded with nothing harsher than a disappointed smile. And yet, you both stay up almost all night every night, talking and laughing and playing video games like you always have since the day he first brought you to this house. This family.
But Pope wonβt look at you, and you canβt ignore it anymore.
Because he came home from a job with a black eye and bruised knuckles, and now heβs standing in the yard and Smurfβs chastising him for being reckless is still ringing in the air. He didnβt talk. He didnβt argue. He just stared at the pool and refused to look at her. At you.
And now youβre alone with him, and everyone has left to go regroup or party or whatever, and he still. Wonβt. Look. At. You.
βAndrew.β You rarely use his real name. He tenses, but he doesnβt turn around.
βLook at me.β
He doesnβt. You snap.
βWhy wonβt you look at me?β You grab his arm, and turn him toward you, and he pulls it away.
βStop it.β
βNo.β You grab him again, and this time he catches your arm, fingers around your wrist in a vice grip that is firm but nowhere close to painful. His eyes remain on the pavement.
βYou havenβt talked to me since I got with Craig.β You say, and his jaw clenches at your words. You can see his cold expression, now, if not his eyes. Heβs older than you, but his face still holds the smooth roundness of youth. Heβs just as handsome as always. Your heart stutters a little, like itβs supposed to with Craig.
When he still doesnβt answer, you shove at his chest. The sudden movement makes him release your wrist, but he doesnβt budge. βFucking look at me! Why wonβt you at least look at me? Are you seriously this pissed off because I hooked up with him? Stop being an asshole and tell me why youβre acting like this!β
βBecause it should have been me!β He finally snaps, finally looks at you, and the sharpness of his voice paired with the intensity behind his dark eyes is enough to nearly make you stumble backwards. βIt should have been me. You know it should have.β
He looks almost crazed, now, shoulders hunched and fists clenched and feet moving towards you until you take an instinctive step backwards. The movement doesnβt stop him. He still comes closer.
βYouβ¦you let him touch you. And kiss you. And do all of the things Iβveβ¦β he trails off, and your breath freezes in your lungs, βthe things Iβve wanted to do since I met you.β His eyes drop to your mouth, back up to your eyes, and heβs close. So close. βIt should have been me.β
You donβt move back again. You can feel the warmth of his proximity in the chilly night air. Your voice is too quiet to your own ears. βThatβsβ¦not the plan.β
Heβs not breathing regularly. His hands are still clenched at his sides. He looks you over, like heβs trying to fight it, before something finally breaks.
βFuck the plan.β His voice is almost a growl, and you donβt have time to respond before his hand is on the back of your head and his mouth is against yours.
The world explodes.
His lips are warm and rough, demanding and desperate and sending fire through every vein and pore in your body. You choke on a whimper, surprising yourself with the sound, and Pope groans in response as his tongue sweeps its way into your mouth. Your hands fly up, curling in the fabric of his shirt before moving up to his hair like you donβt know how to touch all of him at once. His own hands move down, lips only leaving yours long enough for him to grab the backs of your thighs to lift you against him before heβs kissing you again.
You donβt even register that youβre moving, too caught up in the desperation and the feeling of something hot burning in your core. He presses you against a wall, trails his lips down your throat until youβre gasping for air, before he kisses you again and moves deeper into the empty house.
And then heβs lowering you back onto his bed, crisp sheets smooth against your back, and you barely let him pull away enough to crawl over you before youβre kissing him again with so much need that itβs almost embarrassing.
His rough palms are sliding up beneath your shirt, breath turning shaky at the feeling of your skin against his, and it feels so good you think you might die.
βIs this okay?β He whispers, lips against your cheek, and you nod.
βPlease.β You donβt know what youβre begging for, but the sound of it makes him moan as he pulls your t-shirt over your head and trails his mouth down over your collarbone.
His own shirt comes next. You roll on top of him, and kiss and bite down his chest until heβs tangling his fingers in your hair and pulling your mouth back up to his, rolling you both once more until youβre on your back and your hands are fumbling with his belt, unpracticed and clumsy, until he shushes you gently and reaches down to help you with a lingering kiss to your cheek.
βTell me if itβs too much.β He rasps after a while, and you can barely breathe enough to tell him that you will. You settle for a nod, and his rough palm slides over your stomach, up over your body until heβs cradling your cheek.
βIβve got you.β He whispers, and the soft words are almost comical with how hard heβs trembling with restraint. With how dark his eyes are, how intense his touch feels. βBreathe. Iβve got you.β
You nod, and when you smile he smiles back, shy and nervous behind that starved expression, and that one look alone makes you feel like youβre floating.
Itβs nothing like Craig. It isnβt like Pope is a whole lot more practiced, or some kind of sex god or anything, but every movement feels so much moreβ¦right. He slides his hand beneath your thigh, guiding it around his waist and watching your face as your bodies join together for the first time, and the noise that pulls its way out of your throat barely sounds human.
His breath comes on a shaky exhale, eyes never leaving yours as he searches your face for signs of pain or discomfort, and when he finally starts to move you feel something coiling so tightly in your stomach it almost hurts.
Every slow thrust, every reverent touch, tightens that coil. Every kiss. Every whispered word against your skin as his fingers catch your own and he presses your joined hands into the pillow above your head.
You reach the edge so quickly it shocks you, free hand clawing at his back as you bite down on his shoulder and fireworks explode behind your vision.
The feeling is so intense that, for a moment, you forget where you even are. You forget your own name. All you know, all you feel, is Pope moving with you. Whispering praise and promises of adoration against your lips and throat. When he follows you into oblivion, itβs with a breathless moan of your name.
After, he holds you like youβre the most precious thing heβs ever touched. He traces his hands over your skin. He follows the caresses with his lips. And, when you finally remember how to breathe again, you giggle.
He pulls back from your throat with a raised eyebrow, a smile curling on his own lips, and nuzzles his nose into your cheek. βWhat?β
βI didnβtβ¦β you didnβt know it could feel that good. You didnβt know anything could feel that good. βIβ¦wow.β
He really does smile, now. He tucks you closer to him, barely letting you go as he pulls you beneath the blankets with him and curls his body around yours. Protective. Possessive, even. βYeah.β He murmurs, pressing his lips to the side of your head. βWow.β
-
The future Mr. and Mrs. Franklin need to be convincing. Happy. Overwhelmingly in love.
Your heels click against the dock. It takes years of practice and training from Smurf to keep yourself from fidgeting in your expensive dress. Popeβs eyes are on you, burning holes into your head from behind his sunglasses.
βStop looking at me like that.β
βLike what?β
βYou know like what.β
βYou look nice.β
βShut up.β
The door to the yacht opens, and you donβt have time to keep the argument going. Pope slides his arm around you, you grin wide, and he tugs you almost too-tightly into his side.
βWelcome!β The woman on the other side of the door is smiling in that fake and familiar way that people do when theyβre trying to get a whole lotta money from rich people. βMr. and Mrs. Franklin, right?β
βSoon to be.β Pope says, all confidence and practiced casualness. He catches your hand in his, the expensive ring glittering obnoxiously on your finger, and raises the back of your hand to his lips. You giggle like an airhead, tilt your head onto his shoulder, and grin up at him.
βAdorable.β The woman says, too emphatically, and you donβt miss the way her eyes rake over your βfianceβ. You shouldnβt care. This isnβt real. Heβs notβ¦ yours anymore. And yet, itβs hard to shake off the surge of possessiveness that nearly has you yanking him down and pressing your lips to his.
When she turns to lead you both into the yacht, you try to pull your hand out of Popeβs. He doesnβt let you go. You turn to glare, and he offers you a small smile and a squeeze of his fingers through your own.
Fine.
-
βIβm sorry. He refuses to see you.β
βIβ¦β you blink, shake your head, and tell yourself you heard the guard wrong. βWhat?β
βBelieve it or not, even prisoners have a right to refuse visitation. He said he doesnβt want to see you.β
You blink again. βThatβsβ¦thatβs not true. That canβt be true.β
βYou can try again next week, but in my experience youβll probably have the same reaction.β
-
You try again the next week. And the next. You stop sleeping. You stop eating. You wait for a phone call. An explanation. You go to Smurf. You go back to the prison.
Six weeks later, he finally fucking agrees to see you.
You nearly rip the phone off of the wall. He doesnβt look right in a prison uniform. He doesnβt look like heβs been sleeping. βWhat the fuck, Andrew?β
At your use of his name, his real name, you swear you can see something like relief flicker in his eyes, like the sound of your voice is a drug heβs been deprived of for over a month. Youβre about to keep talking, or even press your hand against the glass like some lame fucking cliche, the sight of his face lifting something heavy off of your soul.
βStop calling.β He says simply, and your heart drops to your feet.
βWhat?β
βStop calling. Stop showing up here. Stop.β
βIβ¦β what? This isnβt happening. He wouldnβt do this. βWhat? Pope, Andrew, I didnβt leave you.β Thatβs almost, almost incriminating. You know that. But it could also mean anything. Youβre his girlfriend, after all. Heβs in prison. Youβve been trying to see him. You havenβt left him. The last thing theyβll probably assume is that youβre talking about leaving him to be arrested after robbing that fucking bank.
βI know.β He says simply, and meets your eyes. βI donβt care. Leave. Stop coming here. Iβm not going to come see you again.β
You donβt know what to say. You donβt know how to breathe anymore. This is so fucking wrong and it doesnβt make sense and-
He places the phone on the receiver, stands up, and leaves.
Thatβs the last time you see Andrew Cody for three years.
-
βAnd here we have the reception deck. As you can see, the view will be absolutely spectacular, especially when youβre out on the waterβ¦β
Four exits. Three cameras. One, twoβ¦
βIβm so sorry. Is there a bathroom I can use?β You ask brightly, from where youβre hanging off of Popeβs arm. βOr Iβm sorry, the head, right? Like they say on boats.β An airheaded giggle, a practiced bat of your eyes.
The moment youβre around the corner, you whip out your phone and start taking notes and pictures. Exits. Entrance points. Doors to the lower deck where Craig can-
βWe need to talk.β
You actually yelp, whirling around and stumbling on your heels before Popeβs arm shoots out to curve around your middle and keep you from falling over.
βWhat the fuck are you doing?β You hiss, wide eyes shooting back towards the hall. βNow? Let me go.β
βYou wonβt talk to me. I have to-β
βSo youβre gonna fuck up the job? They could be here any second. Youβre supposed to be distracting them.β Heβs lost his fucking mind. Clearly, prison has warped his brain and made him an irrational asshole who-
The click of heels against the hardwood floor. A familiar, professional voice calling out your fake names with too much curiosity and suspicion.
βFuck.β You whisper, and start scrambling to pull away and hide your phone. βFuck.β
In one swift movement, Pope snatches the device out of your hand, slides it into his back pocket, presses you against the wall and slams his mouth to yours.
Like always, even after all of this time, the feeling of his lips against your own sends a jolt of electricity through your entire body.
He kisses you like he hasnβt thought about anything else in the last three years. His lips move hungrily against yours, one large hand coming up to tangle in your perfectly-done hair as his body envelops yours until you canβt think of anything else.
His tongue traces over your lip, and you open for him instinctively until he groans and changes the angle so he can kiss you more deeply and it feels so fucking good you might-
βOh, Iβm sorry. I didnβt mean toβ¦interrupt.β A bright, awkward voice breaks you out of your trance, and you gasp as you wrench your mouth away from Popeβs. He doesnβt even turn to the woman, thumb pressing into your cheek as he traces it over your skin like heβs trying to re-memorize the feeling.
It takes a lot more effort than you want to admit to clear your throat and plaster a flustered and embarrassed look on your face. To fall back into the ditzy, wealthy fiance facade. To keep yourself from ignoring her completely and kissing Pope again to chase that euphoric fucking feeling for as long as you can.
βOh geez. Iβm so embarrassed.β You reach up, and pinch Popeβs cheek just a little too hard with one manicured hand, feigning bright affection. βI just canβt keep my hands off of him, you know?β
βItβs so nice to see a couple soβ¦in love.β A tight lipped, professional smile. Another glance at Pope that has irritating possessiveness curling in your chest again. You donβt have a right to feel that way. Not anymore. Not even afterβ¦whatever that was. βWould you two like to continue the tour?β
-
When Craig found out, he punched Pope in the face.
Pope punched him back.
When you lurched forward, prepared to jump between them and stop the bullshit macho display, Smurf had stuck her arm out and pushed you back.
βLet them fight. They need it.β She said, voice even, and kept her eyes on her two sons as they wrestled each other near the pool.
βThis is bullshit. They-β
βYou know,β she interrupts, still not looking at you. βWhen I took you in off the street, I wasnβt expecting you to stir up so much trouble.β
You freeze, heart stilling in your chest. She could send you back to your family. Your father. Being thrown out on the street would be bad enough on its own, but Smurf doesnβt work that way. If she wanted to really hurt you, she would.
βI didnβt mean toβ¦stir up anything.β
She looks at you now, assessing. βI believe you.β She hums, and pulls her arm back. βGo break them up now, baby. See if you can fix your mess.β
-
βWhat the fuck was that?β
βA distraction.β Popeβs hands are on the steering wheel. His eyes are on the road.
βAnd before that? Cornering me in the hallway when Iβm trying to gather fucking intel?β
He frowns. His fingers flex on the steering wheel. βItβs been three years.β
βAnd whose fucking fault is that?β
His brow furrows like he genuinely doesnβt understand why you would ask that. βTheβ¦U.S. prison system.β
βYou know exactly what I mean. Donβt be a dick.β
βIβm not being a dick.β
βPull the truck over.β
He does look at you, now, and you can see surprise in his eyes from where theyβre visible over his shades. βNo. Why?β
βIβm walking. Pull the truck over.β
He turns back to the road. One hand drops off the steering wheel, like it might come to rest on your thigh the same way it has in almost every car ride for years, before he catches himself and returns it to its original spot. βYou can barely stand in those shoes.β
βSo Iβll take them off. Pull over.β
βJust let me talk to you. Please.β
βNo.β
His head drops back against the seat, jaw clenching in frustration, and you feel a surge of pride that you still seem to be the only person who can break through his little bubble of stoicism. Yeah, take that asshole. Be as exasperated as you want.
You donβt speak to him for the rest of the car ride.
-
Craigβs nose is bleeding. His feet are in the pool. Heβs holding an ice pack to his eye.
βDo you hate me?β You ask, feeling almost childish for the question.
He laughs. Actually laughs, like you just said something ridiculous.
βNah. Couldnβt if I tried, I think.β
You frown. βThen why did youβ¦β
He shrugs, takes a sip of his beer, and smiles at you. βI mean, he did fuck my girlfriend. Iβd be a little bitch if I just let him get away with that.β
βIβm not your girlfriend.β
βWell, not anymore.β
βI was never-β
βCβmon. Iβve got a shiner and a broken nose. Donβt hit my ego, too.β
You laugh, and shake your head. βYouβre an idiot.β
He holds up his beer in a silent cheers, and thereβs nothing but affection in his eyes as he takes a swig. No pining. No longing. Not even hurt or betrayal. Justβ¦affection.
You smile at him, and your heart swells in that way you once tried to convince yourself was romantic attraction.
βI thought Smurf was gonna throw me out.β
He frowns now, and shakes his head. βShe wonβt. And if she does, Pope and Iβll just come with you.β
You smile again. You know it doesnβt reach your eyes. Craig leans over, and bumps your shoulder with his own.
βNo matter what, that assholeβs not gonna hurt you again. Youβre gonna be okay.β
βAnd if Pope ever fucks up, Iβll be here. I know Iβm the best sex youβve ever had, anyway.β
You snort. βCraig-β
βEgo, remember? Lemme have this.β
You poke him in the bruised ribs, and he hisses in pain before he laughs again.
You believe him.
-
When you get back to the house, you lurch out of the car before he can even reach for you. You stumble on your heels, kick them off of your feet in the yard, and storm into the house.
βWoah, hey there Hurricane Lady.β Craigβs grin falls the second he sees your face. βShit. What happened?β
βNothing. Hereβs the phone. Itβs got the pictures. Exits. All of that shit.β You want to snap that maybe Craig could have just done this himself, having gotten himself a job there, but you know that he doesnβt get access to the same places you just did. βIβm off the job.β
βWhat?β
βSheβs not off the job.β Popeβs voice, from the door, makes you prickle.
βYou donβt get to decide whether Iβm on or off the job.β You whirl, and glare. βYou donβt get to decide shit about me. Not anymore.β
βJesus.β Deran blows out a breath, eyes on Pope. βYou didnβt tell her, man?β
βTell me what?β
βShe wonβt let me tell her.β Pope looks frustrated. Pained, even. Like he has any fucking right to be.
βTell me what?!β
βJust tell her.β
βIβve been trying-β
βTell. Me. What?β
βHe cut you off in prison because the cops were coming after you.β Craig says, and the words shut you up. βThey were investigating your involvement. He had to cut ties so you didnβt incriminate yourself.β
Oh. Oh.
βPope. Andrew. I didnβt leave you.β
βCan I talk to you now?β Popeβs voice is low, and heβs doing the head-tilt thing, and you swear your lips are still tingling from his kiss.
You stare. He stares back. You open your mouth. Close it.
And then you walk into his room.
You donβt even need to turn around to know heβs following you. You hear Craig whistle the wedding march behind you, and you flip him off over your shoulder.
Popeβs old room is empty. The bed is made like it always was before.
βBeautiful. So beautiful. All mineβ¦β
He whispers the words into the flushed skin of your neck, reverent and laced with gravel as his body moves against yours like it was made to. You gasp his name, and he groans as he moves faster.
Some party rages down the hall. The sounds of it are distant and inconsequential. All you can hear is his shallow breathing. His whispered promises of love between presses of his lips to any part of your skin he can reach. You love him so much it hurts and youβre going to-
You shake the memory off. Clear your throat. When you turn to him, heβs looking at the bed like heβs remembering something similar. Well, there are a lot of memories like that in this house. In the house the two of you shared later. In his truck. By the pool. In the pool. On the beach. At the-
Fuck.
βTalk. You wanted to talk, so talk.β
He watches you. You watch back, tense.
βThey were looking for a reason to arrest you. The cops thought they might have identified you on that job a few months before. The one at the dispensary.β
You just keep staring at him. He shifts on his feet. βI couldnβt tell you. They were listening to everything. I figuredβ¦it was the only way to keep you out of prison.β
βThree years.β
Guilt flickers across his expression. Something like desperation follows. His fingers flex by his side. βI didnβt know when they stopped investigating you. Just when they stopped asking me questions.β
βThree. Years.β
βI missed you every day.β He moves closer, hesitant, like heβs trying to make sure you donβt bolt. βEvery fucking minute. I thought about you all the time. Itβ¦it killed me, to walk away like that. I still think about the look on your face. Iβ¦β his jaw clenches, and he reaches towards you.
You should pull back. You should slap him, maybe. You know he would let you.
βYou risked the job.β You try. Try to find something to cling to your anger. Your hurt. You missed him so much and all of that pain doesnβt just go away with one explanation.
βFuck the job.β He whispers, hand sliding up over your cheek. βItβs been three years.β
And then heβs kissing you. Rough. Hungry. Desperate in a way that makes your knees threaten to give out because holy shit nothing has ever felt as good as Pope Codyβs skin against yours.
For a moment, you forget. You forget to be angry and hurt and painfully confused in favor of tangling your fingers in his curls and dragging him closer to you. He groans, the sound rough and borderline desperate, and his hands drop to your waist, lifting you clean off your bare feet to spin you both until he has you pinned against the wall.
His chest is pressed against yours. His hand is moving down to the hem of your dress, and you think you can feel his fingers shaking as they skate up over your skin and a shiver falls down your spine.
But it isnβt enough. This isnβt enough. It feels so good that it kills you to pull away. But his fingers are sliding up the inside of your thigh and if they reach their intended destination there wonβt be anything in the world that will be able to stop you. To stop him, either, if how hungrily heβs kissing you now is any indication.
Because his kiss doesnβt make up for the hours you spent alone, in the house you once shared, staring at a phone that wouldnβt ring. How humiliating it felt to cry yourself to sleep with your mind filled to the brim with questions that you would never have answers to.
His mouth is gliding over your jaw, down over your throat, and his grip on your waist is so wonderfully tight and his fingers are so close to where you need him so badly it hurts and-
You shove him away, breathless and flushed and almost shaking with hunger, and his dark eyes have never looked so predatory.
βYouβ¦you canβt do that.β You whisper, and he looks like heβs about to do exactly that again at any moment. You hold up a hand, warding him off, and force yourself to steady your breathing. βNo, you donβt get to do that. You donβt get to just show up again and kiss me like that.β
βIβm sorry.β He starts, expression filled with a genuine pain.
βYou made me think, for three years, that you didnβt love me anymore.β
βIβm sorry.β He moves closer like itβs instinct, and you back up a little more into the wall, and he looks like heβs about to drop to his knees before you. βIβm so fucking sorry. I did it to protect you. I promise. I couldnβt think of any other way.β
You push past him, and walk out the door.
For once, he doesnβt follow.
-
βWhere is she?β
Youβre not here. You havenβt come since he got out.Β
βShe doesnβt really come around anymore, man.β Craig shrugs, like itβs casual, like your absence isnβt digging a hole into Popeβs soul even as he sits here by the pool and you should be here but youβre not and he fucking hates it. He should have apologized to you ten times over by now. You should be here with him.
βShe comes around every now and then. Watches Lena. Grabs a beer with me on Tuesdays and surfs with us if we ask nicely.β Craig leans back, and Pope fights the urge to lean forward and beg for more information. βShe doesnβt talk to Baz, though. I think the most Iβve seen them interact is her flipping him off or some shit.β
Yeah, sounds like you.
βSo, you gonna talk to her?β
Yes. Of fucking course he is. Heβll be on his knees begging the second youβre in the room.
But you donβt come. You donβt show up at the house anymore. You changed your number, and he canβt call you. Despite what Craig said, itβs almost like youβve made yourself into some kind of ghost, too far away for him to reach anymore.
When he was in prison, he would fantasize about the day he got out. In most of those fantasies, you were waiting for him at the house. In a good few of them, you werenβt wearing much clothing, but that part can be easily attributed to how long he went without seeing you.
Nevertheless, you were there. And he would take you into his arms, and you would smile and tell him you understood why he had to do what he did, and everything would be perfect.
But now, he has to track down your new house. On the beach, and not too far from his new place, but he doubts you know that.
He watches through your window and doesnβt even register that it might be a little fucked up of him. He makes sure you get home safe. Waits until he sees you climb into bed and flick off your lights, and often spends a good long while imagining all of the times he would be right there with you. How he would tuck you into his chest, and the two of you would have whispered conversations like you were still teenagers living in Smurfβs house and trying not to be overheard.
He doesnβt go to the door. Itβs not the right time. Not yet. It isnβt like it has to be perfect, butβ¦ but itβs been three years. Three years of torture and an isolation that almost killed him. That may have killed a part of him, somewhere deep down where even he canβt reach. As badly as he wants to stand on your porch and beg and plead for you to understand, to love him again, he isnβt sure he would be able to handle you slamming a door in his face. Heβs not sure he would be able to let you, and that thought alone almost frightens him more than anything else.
Not yet. The job. When Craig brings you in on the job, thatβs when heβll see you. Talk to you. Make you forgive him.
Justβ¦not yet.
But that doesnβt mean he canβt keep an eye on you, until then.
-
The effort it took to get Ethan the Finance Bro to talk with you after Craig ruined it the first time is almost making this particular job too much of a pain in the ass.
Itβs a little tricky to balance the work you have to put into the boat job with your own plans, but your own jobs are a little less complex than the ones enacted by the Cody boys. Less reward, sure, but itβs safer and easier. Find out a few things about Finance Bro Ethanβs rich dad, get access to an account or two, make a couple of unnoticeable transfers, and bing bang boom. You can afford rent and to fix your car, and maybe even a nice pair of shoes while youβre at it.
Heβs jumpy. You have to smile a little more brightly at him, hold his hand across the table and bat your eyelashes as you insist that your friend from before is just terrible at making jokes, and heβs finally relaxing enough to-
His eyes trail up over your shoulder, and stop.
βLeave.β And thatβs Popeβs low, furious voice. It is dripping with danger.
Ethan looks at you. Back at Pope. You smile, wide and sweet, and refuse to turn around. βIgnore him.β
βDo that, and Iβll cut your ears off.β
Son of a bitch.
βHeβs joking.β
βThree.β
Ethan starts to scoot out of the booth.
βDonβt.β You say, jaw clenching and smile still forcefully bright.
βTwo.β
And heβs gone. Just like that. Out the door and ruining your plans completely.
βFucking Codys. Do you have any idea how hard it was to get him to talk to me again?β
βWho was that?β
βI had to bend over backwards to keep him from being terrified after Craigβs bullshit. This bra is so uncomfortable. You fucking-β
His hand comes down on the back of your chair, and he leans closer to you with a deadly and dark expression. You donβt flinch. You donβt even come close. In all the time youβve known him, in all of his scariest moments, heβs never come anywhere close to harming you. The possibility simply doesnβt register in your mind. βWho was that?β
You look at him, deadpan. βMy boyfriend.β It couldnβt be farther from the truth, but you may as well piss him off a little.
It works. His jaw clenches, and he leans a little closer. βIβm serious.β
Fine. You give up. βHe was a mark. Iβm on a job.β
βYouβre already on a job.β Popeβs frown deepens, angry eyes moving up to the door again. βThat guy was staring down the front of your shirt.β
βThatβs kind of the point.β You glance down at your low cut top, at the aforementioned uncomfortable bra, and when Pope does the same you can see something twitch in his jaw. Feel his hand tighten imperceptibly on the booth behind you before he looks back up at your face.
βWeβre leaving.β
βNo, youβre leaving.β You correct, irritated, and move to turn away from him.
He catches you, turning you back towards him with a look so intense it makes your heart drop. βCome home with me.β
You pause, knocked off-kilter by his proximity and the desperation in his gaze. He looksβ¦dangerous. Like a man in a desert who has been deprived of water for too long, and is starting to lose it enough to follow that water to a bar and ruin her weeks of work.
And yet, itβs annoyingly difficult to care. Not when it would be so easy to bring your hand up, curl your fingers in the soft curls on the back of his neck, and pull his lips down to yours. So, so easy, and yetβ¦
You start to move back, and his hand catches your chin, thumb sliding over your jaw in that familiar and devoted way that always makes your toes curl a little. He saw it. He saw the hesitation. The want in your expression matching his own, and heβs too far gone to let it go.
βCome home with me.β He repeats, soft and close enough that his nose nearly brushes your temple. βWe can do jobs together. Like we used to. You donβt have toβ¦do this.β
You spent so long being a team. Being with him. Every job, every move, it was all with Pope and the Codys and while you can do these smaller jobs alone perfectly fine, you wantβ¦
Him. God, you want him. Not just sex, either. Though after three years and the way heβs standing so close you can feel the warmth radiating from him, youβre having a hard time not jumping his bones in the middle of this bar. You want to wake up with him in the mornings again. You want to watch him wash the dishes in that particular and concentrated way he has. You want to sit on the beach with him at night, and talk about everything and nothing until the sun peeks over the horizon.
His nose skates down your cheek. The noise of the bar fades away. Your eyes flutter closed as if of their own accord, head tilting to the side, and he makes a low noise as his fingers leave your face to move down your arm.
βIβm sorry.β He murmurs, lips pressing against the line of your jaw, and your next breath comes as a shaky exhale. His hand slides around the curve of your waist, and the angle of his body above yours is intoxicatingly overwhelming. He kisses your jaw again, a little higher, a little closer to your ear, and you melt. βIβll apologize a thousand fuckinβ times, okay? Just come home with me. Let me show you how sorry I am.β
Your body relaxes beneath his, and you feel his mouth trailing over your skin like he couldnβt give less of a shit about the rest of the world around you. Itβs so familiar. So nice. So warm and-
Goddammit.
βStop.β You push on his chest, and he moves back with a genuinely pained expression. βStop it, Pope. You just fucked up a month of work for me. Iβm not going home with you.β
The look on his face would break your heart, if there was anything left of it to break.
You donβt say another word.
You just leave.
-
The girl sleeping on the couch is the most beautiful girl heβs ever seen.
Craig brought you here a few hours ago. Said something about you taking on three guys by the beach who were trying to rough him up over weed money. You hit the biggest one with a baseball bat. They knocked you out before Craig could take them down.
Smurf hadnβt said much when Craig walked in, eyes bright with lingering adrenaline as heβd placed you on the couch, but sheβd seemed impressed when Craig had explained what happened. Sheβd told him to leave you on the couch for now, and to make sure you didnβt get any blood on her furniture. Your face is bruised. Your sneakers are dirty. Youβre wearing a flannel thatβs way too big and has holes in it.
βI think sheβs been sleepinβ on the beach.β Craig says, brow furrowing a little as he looks down at you. Youβre so still you could be dead. Pope wonders what color your eyes are, and then wonders why he wondered that.
βJunkie?β He asks, and resists the urge to brush the hair out of your eyes. Like Julia, maybe. Maybe you know her, wherever she might be right now. Maybe you already have that connection to him. Maybeβ¦
Craig shakes his head. βNah. Not a junkie. I dunno if sheβs homeless, either. I just kinda see her around sometimes. She pickpockets tourists. Seems good at figuring out which ones are the L.A. douchebags.β
Pope frowns. Your face twitches a little, but you donβt wake.
βSheβs hot.β His younger brother observes, and Popeβs frown deepens. βAnd badass. You shoulda seen her, dude. She went at them like a fuckinβ demon. She doesnβt even know me.β
You look so angelic, curled in on yourself on the couch with sand in your hair and dirt under your fingernails, that he finds it hard to believe.
Hard, but not impossible. Because thereβs something about you, and the bruises on your face that look so much like the ones that often adorn his own, that screamsβ¦fighter. Survivor. Protector.
And he hasnβt even spoken to you yet, but thereβs something else there. Something deep down and warm and intrinsic that he canβt exactly pinpoint but certainly canβt ignore.
His.
-
When you wake up, heβs watching you. He knows he probably shouldnβt be. He probably looks creepy, or whatever everyone says, but he canβt seem to pull his eyes away from the rise and fall of your breathing. The way your face twitches every now and then in sleep. The way your hair spills over the couch cushion. He wants to brush it away, but heβs afraid to wake you.
Your eyes flutter open. Theyβre beautiful.
And those beautiful eyes move dazedly around the room before they land on him, and widen. You bolt up, and hiss in pain as whatever injuries you sustained in that fight no doubt scream in protest.
You look at him. Look around. Look back at him.
Carefully, he passes you the baseball bat from his room. Craig said you had one before. Youβre in a strange new place. It might make you feel safe.
You close your fingers around the handle, and watch him like a hawk as you pull it over to you.
βWhere am I?β He likes the sound of your voice. Even cracked with sleep and shaky with nerves, it sounds as pretty as the rest of you.
βMy house.β He says simply, cocking his head to the side. βCraig brought you here.β
Craig is passed out in his room down the hall. You took a while to wake up. You frown, and rub your head a little.
βWhy did you do it?β The question leaves him before he can think, curiosity lying heavy in his chest. People in Oceanside donβt just help other people like that. Not when it could put them in the same state you ended up in.
βThree to one didnβt seem like fair odds.β
Pope takes this information, and holds it close to his heart. Keeps it there like a flame heβll never let go out.
You sit in silence for a minute before he speaks again.
βDo you want a sandwich?β
You look up, surprised, and your lips quirk upwards just the smallest bit.
βSure.β
-
The knocking is loud. Very loud. Angry, even.
When Pope opens the door, there you are.
Fuck, itβs like you donβt even know how beautiful you are. Heβs always been surprised by that. Sure, you use your looks and pretty smiles to work people on jobs, but when that persona is lowered and youβre justβ¦you, the sight of you could make him drop to his fucking knees.
βYou fixed my door.β
Heβs shirtless. Itβs early. Your eyes drop down to his chest before they fly back up to his face, and he is two seconds away from yanking you into the house and taking you right here in the front hall.
Shit. Three years. Three long, long years of nothing but his hand and memories of you. Heβs devolved into a fucking animal. All he can think about is ripping that t-shirt off of you. Of lifting you onto the table right here and dropping to his knees, hearing the noises he can pull from you when he buries his face between your-
βYou fixed my door.β You repeat, angrier now, and he furrows his brow as he forces himself out of the fantasy.
βYeah.β
βPope, you donβt know where I live.β
His brow furrows a little more.
βFine, I havenβt told you where I live.β Oh, thatβs what you mean. Right.
βIt was creaking.β
βHow many times have you broken into my house?β
Seven. βI donβt know what youβre talking about.β
βAndrew.β
You should know better than to say his name. His real name. The sound of it shoots something molten through his veins, and his hand tightens on the doorframe.
βWeβre broken up. You canβt break into my house.β
βWeβre not broken up.β The fact comes easily. Simply. Thereβs no plea behind it. No question at all.
βWeβre broken up. You broke up with me.β
βNo, I didnβt. I said stop coming around. I didnβt break up with you.β
βWhatever you did, it was three years ago.β
βAnd youβre not in prison.β He wants to ask why youβre not getting it, but he knows that you do. Even if most wouldnβt, you know how he thinks. Youβre just being deliberately obtuse because youβre angry. But heβll spend the rest of his life apologizing to you, if thatβs what you need. βIβm out. We still love each other.β
βYou donβt know that I still love you.β
He raises an eyebrow. βTell me you donβt.β
You open your mouth, like you just might try it, before closing it again and trying another tactic. Heβs always found itβ¦cute. The way you try to deflect your feelings like this. And heβll never try to pretend that he doesnβt love how easily he can call you on it. There are two things in this world that Andrew Cody is absolutely confident in: jobs, and you.
βYou fucked up my job.β
βYou hate those jobs. They bore you.β
Your eyes narrow, and youβre gorgeous when youβre angry. βI donβt have a backup plan anymore. I need the boat job to go well.β
Youβre stalling. You donβt want to leave. βIt will.β He raises an eyebrow again. Your eyes drop back down to his bare chest, and it sends a thrill through him. βWant some breakfast?β
βNo.β Youβre still standing here, and he knows you too well to let you leave just yet. The tension crackling through the air, emanating from you and directing itself at him, is so fucking obvious it almost makes him grin.
βCoffee?β
You hesitate. Frown. βFine.β
And with that word, you cross the threshold, and kiss him.
-
Your first job with the Cody family went well. Really well.
Smurf shocked all of them by inviting you in, building up her tests of your skills and your loyalty to the family until she suddenly justβ¦made you a part of it. Sat you down at the family meeting with them and told you what your part in the job would be.
Baz protested. Deran was quiet. Craig, however, was thrilled. Pope is pretty sure his brother likes you a little too much, and he hates the way it makes jealousy and possessiveness curl black and vile in his throat. He hates the way Smurf seems to assess this. The way she watches you keep Craig in line and encourages the two of you to spend time together.
But you did well. Really well.
And then, after dinner, you disappeared.
Pope found you up the street, sitting on a small curve of beach and watching the moon like you were greeting an old friend. Heβd hesitated to join you, like he might be interrupting, butβ¦
βHi.β
Shit. βHi.β
βWanna sit down?β
Yes. So fucking badly. Heβd do anything in the world to just be close to you. βDo you want me to?β
βYeah.β
He hesitates. You look back at him, illuminated by moonlight and so gorgeous it stops the breath in his lungs, and pat the sand beside you.
He sits, and you rest your head against his shoulder. Like itβs the easiest thing in the world.
βAre youβ¦okay?β Do you expect him to function correctly right now? Do you expect him to be able to string a thought together? Youβre so warm. So soft. He doesnβt have experience with this kind of thing.
βOh yeah.β You hum, fingers curling in the sand beneath you. βI mean, if youβre asking if Iβm upset about you holding an unloaded gun to my head while I pretended to freak out, donβt worry. Iβm fine.β You mean it. Smurf would be impressed.
He could cover your hand with his own, right now. You might even let him. You might let him curl his fingers around yours, and even flip your palm to rest it against his. Your soft skin against his rough callouses, pillowed by the sand beneath youβ¦
βSo whatβs wrong?β
You hum, and he feels it vibrate through his shoulder. βI donβt know. Smurf, the job, everything just feels like itβs going too well.β
βToo well?β
βThings change. They hurt when they change. Itβs tooβ¦good.β He starts to say something, though he isnβt sure what, before you continue. βThatβs why I like coming out here, though. I like looking at the water. Itβs why I slept on the beach when things got too shitty at home, you know?β
He turns his head, and it brings his face so close to yours that he almost chokes. You donβt even look up, just keep watching the waves crash on the beach as you continue.
βIt sounds kinda cheesy, but the ocean is soβ¦big. And no matter whatβs going on with me, no matter how bad things seem, it makes it all feel smaller, you know? All that ocean, everything going on beneath the surface, and whatever bullshitβs happening to me just feelsβ¦inconsequential. More manageable, I guess.β
Oh God. Fuck. He loves you. He loves you so much.
His hand, knuckles still bruised from some fight he got into earlier this week and already so much bigger than your own, covers yours. You stop picking at the sand, but you donβt pull away.
βIβll always be here.β He murmurs, some part of him terrified that youβll jump away from him. He means it. He really does.
And you mean it too, when you turn your palm and slide your fingers through his, and murmur back. βThank you.β
-
Itβs a fucking whirlwind.
You donβt know what possessed you. What you were thinking. Just that you are magnetized to this man, and heβs standing there looking at you like he knows every thought in your head and like he loves you more than anything in the world and you canβt spend another second without his lips against your own.
He meets you just as hard, hand coming up to grip at the hair at the base of your skull as you walk him backwards into his house. You realize, vaguely, between the blur of lips and teeth and desperate hands, that you havenβt even seen the inside of it yet. Even now, itβs weird for there to be any aspect of Popeβs life that you donβt know about.
The tour, however, is going to have to wait. Because Pope has you pressed against the counter and you barely have time to gasp his name before heβs lifting you onto it, tugging your shirt up over your head and tossing it aside before ducking down to trail desperate kisses over your neck. You tangle your fingers in his hair, and pull his mouth back up to yours, biting down on his lip until he groans and reaches down to start tugging your pants over your hips.
βBedroom.β You manage, somewhere between a choked moan and a drag of your nails down his muscled back that has him sinking his teeth into your throat.
βThree years.β He replies, the words a starved growl, as he rips your pants and underwear down over your legs. All you can do is nod your understanding and drag his mouth back to yours, hands leaving his face to reach down and tug his sweatpants over his hips.
He pulls back, just enough to press his lips to your ear, and you canβt help but whimper when he murmurs his next words.
βTell me you want this.β
You curl your fingers in his hair, pull him closer to you, and barely manage to gasp out a soft confirmation of βI want this, Andrewβ before heβs pushing into you and it is everything youβve missed for too long and it feels so good you might fucking die.
You gasp, and hold him tighter, and he breathes a shaky exhale into the hollow of your throat as he goes very very still.
You make a soft noise, needing more, and he understands immediately because he knows every inch of you better than he knows himself.
βThree years.β He murmurs again, hoarse and apologetic as his hands grip the counter on either side of you. You realize what he means through the haze of lust, and a bubble of laughter tears its way out of your throat. The sudden movement makes him hiss, cursing softly against your throat as his hands fly up to grip your hips. You clamp your lips together in an attempt to stop your giggling, and when he pulls back to look at you he starts laughing too.
And then, still smiling, he kisses you slow and deep, and begins to move. The moment he does, all humor flies out the window, and you gasp as you lock your legs around his hips and scramble for purchase against his back.
Itβs fast and desperate, like he really and truly canβt help it, and it is absolutely perfect. Fuck, itβs everything you have ever needed in your entire life and more. You cling to him, wrapped in his arms and burying your face in his neck to try to muffle cries that might wake the entire Strand. He doesnβt stop, but his grip tightens as he adjusts his movements to grind deeper, fingers tangling in your hair to pull your head back from his shoulder until you can feel his ragged breaths against the shell of you ear.
βYeah?β He whispers, hoarse and smiling and already wrecked as the force of his movements makes stars explode behind your vision. Then, closer, his nose against your temple and his grip almost bruising on your skin. βYeah?β
You just nod, and hold on for dear life as you fall over the edge with a cry of his name, and he follows right after you with a choked moan of yours.
For a moment, you both just try to catch your breath, wrapped in each otherβs arms with your legs shaking and Popeβs shoulder warm against your forehead. He kisses the side of your head, soft and loving, and huffs a laugh into your hair as he pulls back to press his lips to yours.
βI missed you.β He whispers, and youβre smiling too.
And then, without warning, he hoists you into his arms and starts walking.
βWhere are we going?β You ask, still laughing, still smiling, still blissed out beyond words.
He kisses your forehead, your cheek, and kicks a door open. βBedroom.β
-
Once the initial violent desperation has faded, Pope takes his time with you. He works you apart piece by piece, like heβs relearning every inch of your skin. He kisses every new scar. Every familiar freckle. He makes you forget every word that isnβt his name, tells you he loves you until heβs hoarse with it, and you do the same to him. In the confines of his room, in this new house on the beach, you forget about every morsel of pain youβve felt in the past. Every tear youβve shed. Every lonely moment.
At some point, when heβs trailing slow kisses up the inside of your thigh and your fingers are tangled in his curls, you manage to come back to yourself for half a second.
βWeβre not back together.β You murmur, and he looks up long enough to raise a dark eyebrow at you.
βWeβre not.β You repeat, and he gives you another look, this time with both eyebrows, before nudging your thigh further aside. He doesnβt speak, and he doesnβt need to, because in the next five seconds you completely forget how to form coherent thought.
-
The sun is setting by the time youβre both too exhausted to continue. A few minutes ago, you broke apart long enough to make your way to the shower, where youβd lasted about five minutes before heβd slipped in behind you. You managed to hold back long enough to shampoo each otherβs hair before lathering off had turned into kissing beneath the stream, which had turned intoβ¦well, into you pressed up against the wall, his chest against your back and his teeth buried in your shoulder as your fingers clawed against the tile and your vision turned white for the umpteenth time today.
Now, his fingers card through your still-damp hair, and you wonder vaguely if youβll ever walk again.
βHoly shit. We havenβt done that sinceβ¦β you trail off, brain as mushy as your muscles seem to be, and you feel Popeβs proud smile against your forehead.
βThree years and forty nine days.β He supplies, and you canβt hold back your giggle. βDay after the jewelry store job.β
βRight.β Christ, it really is a miracle that you survived three years apart when you used to go at each other like coked out bunny rabbits. βForgot about that.β
βI didnβt.β
You swat at his chest, and he tucks you closer to him, tilting your chin up to press his lips to yours.
-
For the first time in three years, you wake up in Andrew Codyβs arms.
And heβs asleep. Heβs soundly, completely asleep. Heβs always been a light sleeper, but despite that there are certain circumstances that have been known to knock him out like a log.
Heβs completely out now, arms wrapped tightly around you and deep breaths tickling the top of your head.
There was always so much chaos in your lives. So many things that could go wrong at any moment, so many risks taken every single day. There was Smurfβs manipulations, Craigβs irresponsibility, Deranβs tendency to disappear and worry everyone, Julia being gone, and Bazβ¦well, Baz being a raging douche most of the time. All of it was always so much, but right here, right like thisβ¦this was always where you felt safest. All of the insanity would always be a million miles away, blocked out by the circle of Andrew Codyβs arms.
Which is probably why it feels like a physical stab to your chest when you carefully wiggle out of them.
He grunts, one arm reaching out as if searching for you, but he doesnβt wake.
You allow yourself one moment to stare at him. One long, aching moment. Heβs so beautiful in the moonlight that he almost hurts to look at.
And then you slip on one of his tshirts, wiggle into your jeans, and disappear out the door.
You donβt bother pulling your shoes back on, letting the sand cushion your feet as you wander down the beach, and listening to the waves crash against the shore.
Heβll wake up soon, and heβll find you. And when he does, heβll pull you back into his arms and the two of you will sit on this beach like you used to. Watch the waves and the stars like you used to. Youβll talk, and heβll apologize, and he isnβt very good with words but youβll understand him and youβll forgive him. Just like that.
Youβre not ready for that.
So you pull out your phone, and dial the only other number you have on speed dial. The only number besides Pope Codyβs.
βWhere the hell have you been?β Craig shouts into the phone, mirth lacing his voice even through the tinny speaker.
You glance down at Popeβs t-shirt. Plain white. Too big for you. Soft and draped over your body like a flag with his name on it.
Oh well. βYouβre gonna give me a whole lotta shit for it.β
He laughs, and you hear a bottle clink somewhere on the other side of the phone. βSo whyβre you callinβ me?β
βCause Iβm crazy, I guess. Or an idiot.β
βOr both.β
You hum, and bend down to scoop some sand into your palm, letting it trickle between your fingers as it falls back to the earth. Youβre confused, and still hurting, and your heart aches heavy in your chest. In moments like this, youβve always wondered what it would be like to have one of those girl best friends in rom-coms. The kind who would split a bottle of wine with you on the couch and talk for hours about boys with you. That must be nice. You wonder if they really exist, somewhere where life is normal.
Well, you donβt have that. You have Craig Cody.
βIβve gotta go off grid for a minute.β You say, and trail your eyes back towards Popeβs darkened house. You have minutes before that light flicks on, and you cave. βWanna get drunk?β
Craig blows out a long breath, and you can almost see him raising his eyebrows and resting his elbows on his knees.
βSure. Where are you?β
-
Pope hasnβt seen you in three days.
Deran is the one who called him, frustrated and concerned and grouching about you not being able to handle your liquor.
βItβs weird, dude. The balance is gone. Sheβs not talking him out of shit anymore. Theyβre just kinda ramping each other up.β He hears the clink of bottles. Shouting in the background. Maybe, somewhere, your laughter. βWhatever you did, come fix it. Because your girlfriend is doing body shots on my bar and Iβm not about to get shut down because those two are acting like fucking idiots.β
βI didnβt do anything.β Heβs already grabbing his keys. You fell asleep in his arms, for fucks sake. You spent the entire day letting him whisper apologies and promises of love into your skin. He thought you were good. It felt like everything was back to normal, and then you were justβ¦gone.
Sure, there was a moment where you insisted you werenβt back together, but when that sentence is quickly drowned out by βOh God oh God Andrew please donβt stopβ itβs a little hard to let the words sink in.
Heβd searched the beach for hours. Called your phone even when it became blatantly obvious that youβd turned it off. He went to Craigβs house, and his brother wasnβt there. You didnβt take your car when you disappeared. Heβs been worried sick about you and now youβve been on some kind of bender?
βYou did something.β Deran doesnβt seem to be grasping the gravity of this situation. Everything was fine. Why are you still upset? βThey havenβt done this kind of shit since you dumped her in prison.β
βI didnβt fucking dump her.β He needs to focus on not breaking too many traffic laws, but he senses a few irritated comments coming his way. Annoyed as Deran may be right now, he fucking adores you almost as much as Craig does, and Pope can hear genuine worry in his tone.
βYou should probably look up the definition of dumping, dude. Telling her to fuck off and not talking to her for three years is pretty-β
βJust tell me if sheβs okay.β The words come out harsh. A snap of anger in the quiet car.
βJust get here.β The phone clicks off, and Pope almost throws it out the window.
-
Everything is nice and fuzzy, and youβre having a very fun time.
You donβt have anywhere near Craigβs tolerance, nor his penchant for anything stronger than alcohol and weed, so this βbenderβ hasnβt exactly consisted of you partying straight through like he has. In fact, it took until tonight for him to pull you off of his couch and tell you to stop wallowing and have fun.
And you had listened. Oh boy, had you listened.
You started at Craigβs house, letting him amp you up and remind you to get angry between shots of tequila.
βHoly shit, just say it. Say it already!β Craig stands, waving the shot in front of your face before shoving it forward. βAre you mad? Sad? Cβmon, quit beinβ such a closed book! Who the fuck is that helping?β
βIβm angry!β You take the shot, down it, and sputter.
And then you smash the glass against the wall.
βThere she is!β Craig shouts, enveloping you in a drunken hug, and you let the rage build in the safety of your friendβs arms as you start to giggle like a fucking lunatic.
βGimme another.β
He whoops, lets you go, and grabs the bottle.
And then you went to the Cove, and drank margaritas and let Craig convince you to get angrier. Angry because Pope left you. Because it hurt so bad it felt like a piece of you had broken off, and angry because he showed back up and brought all of that pain with him and just expected it all to be better.
And eventually, you ended up in Deranβs bar, hammered and laughing and trying to remember why you were mad in the first place.
That is, until Pope Cody shows up.
Youβve seen him look scary before, with that furrowed brow and those shark eyes, but now he looks downright murderous.
Thatβs okay. You can be angry too. You are angry.
βWeβre leaving.β He says, simply, wrapping an arm around you before you shove him off.
βNuh uh.β You step back, and his frown deepens.
βDude, lay off. Sheβs just blowinβ off some steam-β
βWhat the fuck are you doing, man?β Pope stands too close to Craig. Looks way too angry. He doesnβt get to be mad. He broke your heart. He left you alone.
βWhatβre you doing?β Craig, larger than Pope and already too drunk and coked out to think rationally, matches the furious energy. βYou think youβre cool just walkinβ in here and making her go home?β
Something twinges in your drunken mind. Tells you to step in. To stop this.
But youβre too late.
βMaybe Iβm sick and tired of pickinβ her up off the floor because you did some shit to make her bawl her fucking eyes out.β Craig shoves Pope. Hard. βSeriously man, whatβs the fuckinβ matter with you? You think she deserves this shit?β
Pope punches him in the face.
You just stand there for a moment, drunk and shocked, and it takes a good moment of them brawling and shoving each other into the bar before you realize that you should get in the middle of this.
Someone, some guy who was flirting with you a while back, tries to grab you and pull you away. You slam your elbow into his face, and he releases you long enough for you to leap onto Craigβs back, yanking him away from Pope just in time to feel your back slam into the corner of the bar hard enough to make you lose your grip.
You fall back, feel something smash beneath you, and groan as a bolt of agony shoots through your body. Fuck. Fuck, thatβs gonna leave a mark.
The fight stops. The bar goes quiet.
Hands pull you up, slurred apologies spilling past Craigβs lips in a panic as he sets you on your feet and looks down at you with a horrified expression. Youβve had worse, sure, but the bruise isnβt gonna be pretty and you know damn well heβs gonna feel guilty about it tomorrow.
You look up at him, reach up to pat his chestβ¦
And puke on his shoes.
You hear him mumble a quiet βoh, fuckβ before heβs shoved aside, and Pope is there. Pope, who is scooping you up into his arms without a word and carrying you out of the bar.
βSorry.β You mumble, and he doesnβt respond, but he squeezes you a little more tightly to him and that feels like enough.
He places you down in the passenger seat of his truck, and presses his lips to your forehead before he moves to the drivers side.
Youβre suddenly very, very exhausted. You thunk your head against the window, and close your eyes as the engine starts.
You feel Popeβs hand on your leg, warm and comforting and familiar.
It feels like home.
-
βLook who finally decided to come home.β
Your fatherβs voice is nails on a chalkboard. A skin-prickling, hatred inducing rasp that makes your entire body tense.
βThis isnβt home.β You drop your keys on the counter. Itβs not home. It never has been, but now that you have a real home the difference has never been more obvious to you.
You left your home tonight. Left the warmth of Andrew Codyβs arms. He hadnβt woken, as exhausted after the job as you were, but heβd hummed sleepily into your neck and tried to squeeze you closer as youβd wiggled your way out of his embrace.
Your father scoffs, and doesnβt look up from the TV. βYou think that place is home? You whore yourself out to that psycho Cody and now you canβt give half a shit about the guy who raised ya?β
Itβs your turn to scoff. You donβt answer. He keeps going.
βYou think that crazy kid loves you? You think youβll get to leave and run off into the sunset with him? The ticking time bomb ainβt gonna love you. None of βem are. I know Smurf. Sheβs keepinβ you around because that shithead prefers to fuck you over going berserk and killinβ everyone in the house. They donβt give a shit about you. They use you. Sβall youβre good for, anyway.β
That hits you. Harder than it should.
No. No, heβs wrong. Heβs an asshole, and heβs wrong. Andrew Cody loves you more than life itself. Thereβs no question there.
β¦Right? Itβs not like you even know what love is, being raised by this of shit. And Popeβs love isβ¦obsessive. You donβt mind it. You like it, actually. But-
No. Fucking no. Youβre not letting him get in your head. You canβt.
Because thereβs Craig. And Deran. And even Baz, sometimes. Smurf likes you, and she most certainly sees you as a pawn, butβ¦ but Craig is your best friend. Craig laughs at your jokes. Hugs you so tightly your ribs might crack sometimes. Stays up to talk to you for hours by the pool.
And Pope loves you so much that it consumes him. Even you canβt doubt that. The way he looks at you, the way he touches you, the way he kisses you like heβll never be able to get enough. His shoulders relax when you enter the room. His smile is the brightest thing youβve ever seen. You even wake up to him watching you sleep, sometimes, tracing his calloused fingers over your skin with his eyes half-open like heβs fighting sleep just so he can look at you a little longer.
And the last time your father took things too far, the last time you came back with bruisesβ¦
Youβd spent an hour talking Pope down from coming over here. Youβd spent longer convincing Craig and even Deran to stop fucking encouraging him to, to stop insisting that theyβll help him end this asshole.
Thatβs love.
And that gives you the strength, the courage, to move over to your father and lean one hand on the back of the couch, glaring daggers into his eyes.
βThe only reason youβre still alive, is because of me.β It sounds like a fucking growl, so angry and unlike you. βDonβt forget that.β
Your father just smiles, like youβre wrong and he knows it. You want to punch him. You want to prove him wrong, and let Andrew kill him.
You walk out the door, instead.
-
He sits you on the edge of his bed, and itβs just like before. Like every time youβve been drunk or even sick since you were kids. He kisses your cheek, asks if itβs okay, and when you nod he pulls your t-shirt up over your head, quickly replacing it with one of his own. Your pants go next, and then he tucks you beneath the blankets of his bed and brushes your hair from your face.
He hesitates to pull his own shirt off, wonders if you might be too drunk and upset to want him near you. You never have before, but heβs realizing pretty quickly that before is more removed from the present than he expected it to be. Three years in prison, daydreaming every day about coming home to you and explaining why he did that he did and having you forgive him right away wasβ¦well, a daydream. He may have been able to lose himself in the fantasy of your unconditional love and forgiveness for three years, but you were here. Alone. Wondering what you did wrong and missing him on a level completely separate from his. He didnβt experience any of the confusion. The lack of understanding. The pain that comes with that.
You reach out, and push the hem of his shirt up. He pulls it over his head, a slave to your needs and whims, and helps you unbuckle his pants until heβs sliding into bed beside you and pulling you into his arms.
βYouβre mad at me.β
You tilt your head into his hand, and nod.
His heart breaks, eyes softening and hand smoothing over your cheek as he leans closer and presses his forehead against yours.
βWhy?β He asks, a genuine desperate pain cracking the word as it leaves his throat. βI thoughtβ¦I thought we were good.β
You make a soft noise, and lean against him a little more.
He whispers your name, presses a kiss to your cheek, and inhales deep, trying to memorize your scent.
βIβm not good at this. You always tell me.β Another kiss. Fingers curling in your hair. βTell me what to do. Tell me how to make you stop hurting.β
You curl a little closer.
βYou left me.β You finally whisper. βYou promised you never would, and then you left. I worried about you for three years.β
He pulls you closer. Feels tears prickle in his eyes and guilt churn in his stomach.
βI went to the beach, and it didnβt feel better, because you werenβt there.β Your fingers curl against his chest, right over his breaking heart. βI thought you didnβt love me anymore. For three years.β
Fuck. βIβll never stop loving you.β If he holds you any more tightly, it might hurt the bruise on your back. Heβs gonna fucking kill Craig for that, accident or not. βNever.β
And then, quietly, almost a whisper as you drift off but just loud enough for him to hear it and almost die right there, ββ¦I donβt know if I believe you, anymoreβ¦β
-
The boat job goes well. Really fucking well. Save for Marco cutting a womanβs fucking finger off, everything goes off without a hitch.
And youβre proud. Really fucking proud. Craig was always capable of this kind of thing if he just applied himself, and here you all are. Richer than before and still riding that all-too-familiar adrenaline high.
βGeez, Pope really did a number on you.β You reach up now, poking lightly at his black eye. He flinches, and huffs out a sheepish laugh. You saw this coming when you decided someone would have to beat Craig up, and Pope volunteered a littleβ¦emphatically. But still.
βPretty sure heβs got some pent up anger.β He rubs the back of his neck, eyes scanning over you. βHowβs your back?β
You cringe, and resist the urge to rub the still-bruised area. βItβs fine. The hangover was worse.β
Craig looks like heβs about to turn you around inspect the injury himself, but one glance over your shoulder to where Pope is no doubt glaring from across the bar is enough to make him cave with one last guilty look. Heβs apologized maybe a hundred times for the mistake, and youβve forgiven him every time. After all, he didnβt mean it, and youβve definitely had worse. βDamn, how bad?β
Your head is pounding, and you just barely managed to make it into the bathroom before the rest of last nightβs tequila expels itself from your stomach.
Not five seconds later, you feel a large hand curl in your hair, pulling it back into a makeshift ponytail while another palm rubs small circles on your back.
βOh, the humanity.β You whimper, pulling back to lean against the wall. You flinch at the movement, and give Pope a miserable look. βChrist, did I get hit by a truck last night?β
βYou broke up a bar fight.β
βWhy the fuck would I do that?β
βIt wasβ¦between me and Craig.β
You frown, and try to piece the fuzzy memories together. βDid you kill him?β
βNo. He fell back against the bar with you on his back, so Iβm going to.β
Ah, thatβs where the pain is coming from. You look him over, shirtless and beautiful and achingly familiar, butβ¦
βHave you slept?β
He frowns, and looks like heβs fighting the urge to reach for you. βNo.β
Ugh. This is stupid. Bad idea. You should leave. You are not together anymore. You will not-
βOkay. My head hurts. You need to sleep. Back to bed, big guy.β You reach out, and make grabby hands at him, just like youβve done a million times before. Every time you were hungover, every time you were sick, or even one time when you just twisted your ankle trying to dive into the pool.
His smile is so full of adoration and relief that it nearly makes you cry. He doesnβt hesitate, moving to scoop you into his arms with a soft grunt of βcβmereβ¦β
He lays you down, and you pull him with you, tugging the covers around you both before tucking yourself into his chest and reaching up to scratch your nails lightly over his back in the way thatβs always made him melt.
βI love you.β He murmurs, warm fingers brushing through your hair. βIβm sorry-β
βShhh. Go to sleep.β You press your lips to his shoulder, and feel him shiver a little at the feeling. βHead hurts, and you need to sleep.β
He takes a moment to speak, but then he nuzzles his nose into your hair and drops his arms down to pull you closer to him. βOkay.β
βIβve had worse.β You smile, and clink your beer against Craigβs. βThanks, though. You did fucking amazing today.β
Your friendβs smile, despite the damage to his face, lights up the entire room. βFuck yeah I did. You did, too.β
βAw, shucks.β You grin, and itβs just like before. Just like when you were kids, riding the adrenaline high together and laughing your way through the car chases and the gunfights despite Pope and Baz and even Deranβs concern. You nudge him, and smile a little wider as you gesture towards the door. βRennβs here.β
He turns, and the way his eyes light up makes your heart swell impossibly more. That, right there. Thatβs how you look at Pope. How he looks at you. That little spark behind his eyes is exactly what heβs always deserved.
βYou two back together?β
βNah. I mean, I dunno. Maybe. Weβreβ¦you know.β
You clink your beer against his, and meet his eyes. βJust donβt fuck it up again, okay? Youβll be fine. Donβt overthink.β
His eyes trail behind you, to where Pope is most certainly still watching you, and he raises a pointed eyebrow.
You scoff. βShut up.β
-
Thatβs the problem with good things. They always end.
Youβre at the bar, sitting beside Pope like you have after a thousand jobs, and despite your conviction to keep your heart safe you canβt help the way it melts when his hand covers yours, large fingers threading through your own.
βDo you wanna go home?β
You hum, and lean into his side despite yourself. It was a pretty big day, after all, and nothing sounds better than curling up in bed with him and sleeping until noon tomorrow.
You open your mouth to agree, feeling his thumb trace lightly over your knuckles, and-
Your phone dings. A specific ringtone. One that makes you feel like an anvil has been dropped into your stomach.
βIβll be right back.β You murmur, and when Popeβs brow furrows you lean forward and press your lips to the corner of his mouth. Not quite a kiss, but close enough that his hand squeezes yours one last time. βJust gotta go to the bathroom, first.β
You leave before he can follow.
-
βYou look like shit.β You greet the old man in the alley with a frown, crossing your arms and standing a good few feet back. He does. Your father, piece of shit that he is, has probably pissed off a debt collector or two again, judging by the bruises on his face and arms. You have no sympathy for the man who once left similar marks on you.
βHeard your psycho boyfriend is outta prison.β His retort makes you grit your teeth. βStill sluttinβ yourself out to the Codys?β
βWhat the fuck do you want this time?β
βJust an exchange. Heard about that boat robbery today.β Fuck. βWouldnβt be too great for good olβ Dopeβs probation if someone were to put in an anonymous tip, would it?β
βPope had nothing to do with that.β
Your father smiles, all stained teeth and greedy eyes. βShouldnβt be a problem, then.β
βFuck you.β
βHow βbout we make a trade? I donβt gotta call nobody, and you help cover my debt.β
You want to kill him. You hate him so much it makes you feel sick. βLike I said, fuck you.β
You turn to walk inside, and the move is a mistake. Fingers close too-tightly on your wrist, and before you know it youβre being slammed against the alley wall with your arm twisted agonizingly tightly behind your back. You bite hard on the inside of your cheek to keep from crying out, and remind yourself to breathe through the pain.
βThought I raised you better than that.β The fingers on your wrist feel like theyβre going to snap it in half. You want to bite something back, preferably something poetically sarcastic, but you canβt let your voice betray the pain youβre in. All these years, and you hate that he can still hurt you. βYou got three days, kid. Sure you can spend enough time on your knees to get the money out of the crazy one. Maybe the cokehead, too.β
He lets you go with a shove that makes your cheek scratch against the wall, and you turn to glare defiant daggers as he walks away.
-
βWhere did you go?β Popeβs dark eyes are curious, almost innocent as he reaches up to pull you closer to him by your hips.
You move back a little, and his brow furrows with concern. βI need my cut.β
βYeah. Youβll get it when we-β
βI need it now.β
He stands, and you step back when he looks you over, but youβre too late. He knows you too well.
His hands are on your waist, tugging you close to him, and his fingers fly up to the scrape on your cheek. Down to pull up your sleeve, exposing angry red marks in the shape of fingerprints.
βWhere is he?β He asks, voice dripping with danger, and you try to pull away but he just grips you more firmly. His grip is gentle, and you know he would let you go in a second if you asked, but heβs not letting you run from this. βIs he here?β
βNot anymore.β His fingers are curling around your arm, pulling it up to inspect your wrist. His eyes are almost black, and his jaw is clenched so tightly youβre worried he might crack a damn tooth. βHey, Andrew. Look at me.β
His eyes donβt leave the bruises on your arm. βI should have killed him.β
βBeating him half to death caused enough problems.β Piece of shit that he is, your father has one too many connections in Oceanside, and the damage control from when Pope snapped on him years ago nearly got all of you arrested or killed.
Itβs been proven safer to just give him what he wants, and try to keep it as secretive as possible, lest Pope or even Craig try to pound him into the pavement again.
Speaking of which, Pope is still holding you too tightly. You reach up, and turn his face towards yours. βIβm fine. Weβre fine. Letβsβ¦β God, youβre supposed to keep up with this βnot together anymoreβ thing, but βcan we just go home?β
He melts. His eyes soften, and his arms slide around you to pull you closer to him. You feel his cheek against the side of your head, his hand sliding gently up over your back, and you melt too.
βYeah. Yeah, letβs go.β
-
Split lip. Black eye. Ringing ears.
God, everything hurts. That asshole really did a number on you this time.
Bruised if not cracked ribs. A slight limp from where your leg hit weird when you were tossed across the floor. An aching arm that was grabbed a little too hard.
βHoly shit.β Craig. Craigβs voice, as familiar as your own.
βI got hit.β You worked on this lie. Practiced it the whole limping walk down here. ββ¦by a car.β As bad as it is this time, it might be the only thing thatβs believable.
βYouβre a shit liar.β Now you know thatβs not true, but your friend is already by your side, holding you up and helping you walk into the house. βIβm gonna kill him.β
Youβve definitely got a black eye. Your lip is swollen and bleeding. Itβs becoming more exhausting to take stock of your injuries than it would be to note what isnβt hurting.
βDonβt. Justβ¦donβt.β You wince on a step, and when Craig huffs and tries to scoop you up you swat him off.
βFuck that. You look like youβre about to keel the fuck over.β He frowns, concern lacing every one of his features. βYouβre not going back there.β
βI hit him with a fuckinβ frying pan.β You mumble, knocking your head against his shoulder. βSo I figure Iβm not welcome back any time soon.β
βSmurf is gonna shit.β He mumbles, and leans you back against the kitchen counter to inspect your face. βFuck, Pope is gonna blow a gasket, dude. How are you gonna explain this to him?β
βI donβt know.β You mumble, reaching up to push the hair out of your face. All you want to do right now is see him. To be held by him and to maybe even just lay down in his twin bed and feel him tuck you into his arms. Youβve been with him for a little over a year, now, and it still feels like youβve been dating for a week. Like your relationship is just one never ending honeymoon phase. Even these last few days, helping your father out with his bullshit scam, youβve missed him so much itβs almost concerning.
Fuck.
βBeer, please.β You mumble, and when Craig hands it to you you take a moment to rest the cool glass against your bruised cheek. βI donβt know. Iβll tell him I got in an accident.β
Craigβs answer is immediate, lifting your arm to show the bruises in the shape of fingerprints dented into your skin. βYeah, real fuckinβ believable.β
You pull you arm back, panic rising in your throat. βOkay. Iβ¦give me a sweatshirt.β
βHeβll just take it off.β
βFuck.β Heβs right. You shouldnβt have come here. You should have hidden out on the beach for a few days like you used to, and waited for some of these injuries to fade. Fuck. βIβve gotta go.β
βFat fuckinβ chance.β Craig grabs you, more firmly than usual, and keeps you still against the counter. βYou think Iβm gonna let you walk outta this house while that asshole is still breathing? Look, I ainβt Pope, but Iβm not gonna let you into a situation where you could-β
You sense him before you see him. You didnβt even hear the door open.
βGet. Away. From. Her.β
Shit.
βShit.β Craig releases you, and takes three large steps back like he might be attacked by a mountain lion.
Pope is on you in a second, one large hand cradling your bruised face, and in a moment you can see in his eyes that heβs not entirely there. That line in him has snapped, like it has on those nights youβve found him in the yard, distant and empty and staring at the moon. When youβve pulled him from fights, and he took a minute to even remember your name. Took him longer to remember his own.
βPlease.β You whisper, reaching up to slide your fingers through his hair and force him to look at you. βPlease be okay about this.β
He doesnβt answer you. He just moves his hand over your face, looks at you with those murderous eyes, and presses his forehead against yours.
βWhere is he?β
βPope. Andrew. Please.β Your heart cracks on his name, and he grips you more tightly. βPlease, just take me to bed.β You turn his face to yours, squeeze your eyes shut. βI just wanna go to bed.β
And he does.
One hour later, he leaves that bed. You donβt open your eyes. Keep your breathing slow and steady as you feel him kiss your forehead, then your cheek, sliding his fingers through your hair like pulling away from you is physically painful.
But he does, and you feel him stand. You hear him leave.
And you let him.
Two hours later, he walks through the door of Smurfβs house with blood on his knuckles and sweat on his brow.
Youβre waiting for him in the hall.
You look down at his hand. Back up to his eyes.
βIs he dead?β Your voice is quiet. He doesnβt look guilty, but he doesnβt look away from you, either.
βNo.β
You just nod, and move forward to slide your hand over his cheek. He leans helplessly closer to you.
βNext time you do that,β you murmur, guiding his lips down to your own as his swollen knuckles curl against the back of your borrowed shirt, tugging you closer to him, βtake me with you.β
He releases a shuddering breath, and his kiss is so full of love and devotion that it buckles your knees.
-
A warehouse is a cheesy place to meet. The fact that the asshole brought backup makes it worse. Granted, you brought Pope, Craig, and Deran with you, butβ¦well, theyβre more here for emotional support. And because they wouldnβt let you come alone.
When you got home, you told Pope everything. The threats, the money youβve sent him, the amount of time heβs still been able to keep you under his thumb despite how hard youβve worked to break awayβ¦
To your surprise, he hadnβt snapped. He hadnβt stormed out of his house to find the old man. Heβdβ¦
Heβd kissed you. Heβd wrapped his arms around you, tilted your head back, and kissed you.
You make a muffled noise against his mouth, eyes flying open in surprise before fluttering shut as your body melts into the embrace before your mind can even catch up.
When you finally break for air, still confused but certainly unable to complain, you blink your eyes open again.
βWhat was that for?β
He just kisses you again. Slow. Warm. Wonderful. βIβm sorry I wasnβt here.β He whispers, lips moving down to your jaw. Your neck. βIβm sorry you had to be so fuckinβ brave on your own.β
βAndrew, Iβ¦β this is a much different reaction than you were expecting. You havenβt mentally prepared for it. Your mind is still on the defensive.
He shushes you. Pushes his hands up under your shirt to trace them over your skin. βI love you. You donβt wanna be together? Thatβs okay. We can do whatever you want.β He kisses the hollow of your throat, scrapes his teeth against the sensitive skin, and you make a soft noise in the back of your throat that has him tightening his grip on you. βIβm not going anywhere, and youβre not dealing with this alone.β
Youβre not alone. Heβs not going anywhere. Never again.
You believe him. You really, really believe him.
βTake off your clothes, please.β
He smiles against your collarbone, and trails his nose up your throat until his lips are hovering over your own. βAre you sure?β
βPositive.β Youβre already tugging at his shirt, already pulling him down to kiss you, and he meets you with a hunger that feels like a satisfied craving. βI love you. I trust you.β The words are murmured between kisses, βnow please take off your clothes.β
βChrist, itβs like you think youβre Tony Soprano or some shit.β You grumble, feeling surprisingly petulant despite the intensity of the situation. Your father has connections, sure, but you grew up with Smurf Cody. The comparison between the way he operates and what youβre used to is absolutely insane.
Your father is a drunk, and an asshole, and he thinks heβs tough shit. You happen to know what it looks like to actually know what youβre doing. Shocker, that youβre the one who makes the actual fucking money. Even less shocking that he makes most of his income leeching off of you.
Well, not anymore.
βI told you to come alone. You brought your fuckinβ guard dog.β
βYeah, youβre one to talk.β You gesture to the man beside him, the wall of muscle holding the gun and glaring at you like this is a gangster movie and he genuinely believes himself to be the most badass character. βDid you give your Steroid Humunculus his pay already, or is he gonna be banging on your door in a week looking for it?β Youβre guessing the latter, if past experience is anything to go by.
βEnough.β Your father snaps, like he has any authority at all. It makes you furious. βTell the psycho to leave.β
βCall him a psycho one more time, and this time it wonβt be him who beats you to a fucking pulp.β
βAre you threatening me, you little shit?β
βLike father, like daughter.β
βI should teach you a fuckinβ lesson-β he starts toward you, only to back up when Pope steps forward. His jaw ticks, fury flashing in his eyes, and you hear the click of something loading in the cavernous room.
It all happens so fast.
In all the times this kind of thing has happened, all of the times heβs made threats, itβs always been diffused. Heβs always held up a gun, maybe loaded it, and said some bullshit until money was tossed his way.
This time, he brought the wrong backup. And that backup panics.
The man raises the gun, and aims it at Pope.
You move before you think, jerking instinctively in front of him and pushing him back, already beginning to move towards the money to end this bullshit. They always point the gun. Always shout a threat. Always shut up when they see the money and-
And then the gun goes off.
-
You wake to an empty bed.
Your first instinct is to reach out to the space Pope usually occupies, hand sliding over the cool sheets like you might be able to pull him out of thin air. Itβs not morning, and the house is silent. If there was some kind of emergency, he would have woken you.
Huh.
The mystery doesnβt stay a mystery for long. You shuffle into the yard, and there he is.
Naked. Staring at the moon.
He seemed fine last night. Well, as fine as Pope Cody can be. A little more quiet, maybe. A little clingier than usual, and that would be saying something, but fine.
βHey, handsome.β You hum, casual and sleepy, and move to stand beside him. He doesnβt move. He doesnβt break his eyes from the night sky. βWhat are we looking at?β
βEverything.β He murmurs, absent, and you can already tell that he isnβt here. Isnβt entirely inside his own head. Thatβs alright. This isnβt the first time something like this has happened, and it probably wonβt be the last. At least heβs not smashing anything with a hammer.
βSounds like a lot.β You move to stand in front of him, lifting your hand to brush your fingers through the soft curls on the back of his neck and turn his gaze down to yours. βHow βbout you just look at me instead?β
When his eyes meet your own, still hazy and distant, his breath catches in his lungs. His hand moves up, guiding yours so he can press his cheek into your palm like the touch is some sort of coveted blessing. You smile, soft and gentle, and bring up your other hand to mirror the first and cradle his other cheek.
βYouβre an angel.β The words come out as a reverent whisper. Heβs not trying to flatter you, not trying for pretty compliments, but rather stating a fact. Like he often does, when heβs in this state.
βNot quite.β You press your lips to the underside of his jaw, and you feel a shiver travel through his entire body. βBut I appreciate the compliment.β
Large hands hover over your waist, and his eyes donβt leave you. βCan Iβ¦touch you?β
You nod, and bring his forehead down to rest against yours as his arms slide around you, tugging you against him as calloused fingers trail up beneath your sleep shirt, the touch just as familiar as the rest of him.
βWill you come to bed with me?β You ask softly, moving your own hands down to smooth over the skin of his chest. βIβm not an overly jealous person, but Iβd prefer to keep this view for myself. Donβt wanna share with the neighbors.β
βIβll do anything for you.β
βTell me that again in the morning when I remind you to take your meds, okay?β
He follows you back inside, and allows you to pull him back into bed with you. Allows you to pull the covers up around you both as he envelops you in his arms, and trails his lips along your hairline as he whispers soft words against your skin. You canβt make them out, but you wonder from his tone if they might be some kind of prayer.
βI love you.β You murmur, and his arms tighten around you. βEvery part of you. You know that?β
βI donβt deserve it.β He whispers, and you pull back to look at him.
βYou do.β You kiss his nose. His cheek. βYou really, really do.β
-
For a moment, you think a car might have backfired somewhere nearby.
Itβs not like you donβt know what a gun sounds like. Fuck, with your childhood, you could recognize the sound faster than your own voice. And yet, in this moment, your mind canβt seem to keep up. Canβt seem to process exactly what just happened.
You feel like you got punched in the stomach. Thereβs an intense, knock-the-wind-out-of-you pressure, and thenβ¦
Your hand comes up to the point of that pressure, to the dull burn, and comes away red.
βFuck.β Your father breathes, and then he starts shouting. βFuck! You idiot! What the fuck did you do?!β
Youβve heard that voice before. When heβs lost an exceptionally lucrative bet. When a deal has gone wrong. Thatβs the tone of a man who is losing his meal ticket, not even close to the tone of a concerned father.
You didnβt even get to do your little speech. Your whole βfuck you, I owe you less than nothing and this is the last time youβre getting a cent from meβ speech. You were kind of looking forward to it.
Your whole body feels a little numb. When your knees finally give out, warm arms wrap around you before you can collapse.
βNo. No no no no no!β
Now thatβ¦that isnβt concern either. Itβs worse. So much worse. Itβs the realest and most raw fear youβve ever heard.
Thereβs too much blood. Fuck. So much blood. Itβs spilling out between your fingers faster than should be possible. Vaguely, you remember when you were small, and the faucet broke at whatever house you and your dad were squatting in at the time. You were so scared of his ire, of him blaming you for the burst, that youβd tried to hold it together with your small hands until your entire body was soaked.
Andrew Cody is gathering you into his arms, lowering you to the ground, and the pain is starting to slice itβs way through the shock and it is absolutely fucking overwhelming.
βItβs okay. Itβs okay. Iβve got you. Youβre gonna be okay. Look at me. Cβmon, y-youβve gotta look at me.β
Your father is still yelling at the guy who shot you. Screaming about the money. Not about you. The sound is loud, cutting through the ringing in your ears, and Andrewβs arms tighten around you.
βClose your eyes.β The words are murmured by your ear. Soft and warm and gentle despite the chaos. When he speaks again, his voice is shaking. βClose your eyes, sweetheart. Itβs gonna be okay.β He rarely calls you that. This must be bad.
When you do, you hear a gun fire, and the shouting stops.
Your eyes fly open, and you try to turn towards the sound of two bodies hitting the floor, but Pope is there before you can move, dropping a gun to the pavement and cradling your face in his hands.
βDonβt look at that. Look at me. Look at me, okay? Youβre gonna be okay.β
He shouts for Craig. For Deran. Everything is still in a sharp, dizzy sort of focus.
-
βHoly shit. What happened?β
Craig is hunched over the toilet. Thereβs a bottle of tequila on the floor.
He turns his face towards you, hair messy and cheek resting against his arm. βGo away.β
βNah.β Youβre already sitting beside him, tugging his hair into a ponytail and tying it off.
βMβa fuckup.β He mumbles. βJusβ aβ¦drunk idiot. Deran said.β
You hum, and rub a soothing hand over his back. βDefinitely acting like one.β
βSee?β He tilts his head miserably back into his arm. βEven you say it.β
βShut up. You know thatβs not what Iβm saying.β You move over to the bottle, and take a swig before throwing the rest into the trash. βHey, look at me.β
He does. He looks like he might have been crying.
βYouβre one of the smartest people I know, you know that?β
βYouβre not funny.β
βIβm not lying.β
He looks at you now. Really, really looks at you. βYou gotta stop seeinβ the best in me.β
βToo late. You done puking?β
He grunts, and you reach down to help him stand with a significant amount of effort and bitching that he weighs a million pounds.
And you get him into bed, and even tuck him in, and before you leave to go back to Popeβs room he catches your wrist.
βI love you.β
You stop, and furrow your brow.
βNot in like, a weird way. Mβnot tryna fuck you or anything. I donβt even know howβ¦β he frowns, and releases you to rub a hand over his face. βI dunno how to say it.β
Your heart swells, in that familiar way, and you laugh a little as you move over and sit on the edge of his bed. βI think youβre telling me Iβm youβre best friend.β
βWell, obviously. Sβmore than that, though. You donβtβ¦you donβt think Iβm a fuckup. You actually like me.β
You think back to that kid on the beach, surrounded by three angry assholes and fully prepared to stand his fucking ground. The kid who you were knocked out defending. Who didnβt think twice before he brought you back to his home. To the only safe space he knew. Who brought you into his family.
Who loved you like you loved him, and wasnβt sure what it meant. Who assumed, as teenagers do, that it might be romantic. Who didnβt think twice when he realized that it wasnβt romantic, and still pushed his pride aside and kept on loving you. And even now, budding your own ways into adulthood together, heβs drunk and still trying to put into words that he loves you platonically.
βYou have the biggest heart.β You say, honest and raw, and his hazy blue eyes fill with tears again. βEven if you can be an idiot sometimes.β
He swipes his hand over his eyes, and tries to hide a sniffle. He looks young like this. Heβs only in his early twenties, sure, but he looks younger than that. Vulnerable in a way only you ever really get to see.
βPromise you wonβt go anywhere.β He mumbles, like heβs nervous to say it.
He smells like puke, and heβs sweaty, but fuck it. You hug him, making sure to flop down on top of him a little so he groans miserably before he wraps a large arm around you to pat your back.
βCanβt get rid of me if you tried, jackass.β
-
Craig is freaking out. Heβs in the back of the car, where Pope is still holding you, and heβs freaking out.
Oh, no. That wonβt do, will it? You take care of them. You always do. You keep Craig level-headed, and you keep Andrew from freaking out. Orβ¦or is it the other way around? Itβs concerningly difficult to think. You feel like youβre floating.
βAlmost there. Almost there. Donβt leave me, okay?β God, Andrew Codyβs voice is the best thing youβve ever heard. You want to sink into it, but heβs shaking and you can hear tears in his voice and youβre supposed to fix that.
βDrive fucking faster!β Craig is pushing on your stomach too hard. It hurts. You wheeze, and he doesnβt let up. βDeran, the IV isnβt working. Itβs not working, sheβs too fuckinβ pale.β
Heβs covered in blood. You canβt see Pope, but you think he is too. Everything is tainted a horrible shade of red, and itβs getting really hard to think.
βMβhere.β You try, scratchy and raw. βMβhere. Youβre okay. Donβtβ¦be a dumbass.β
βFuck. Fuck, donβt die. Please donβt die. Look at me, okay? Look at me.β You try, but Pope is whispering near-nonsense into your hair and trembling so hard itβs almost starting to hurt more than the pressure on your stomach. Still, Craig brushes the hair from your face, and you can see tears tracking their way down his cheeks. βTheyβre all dead, okay? All those assholes are dead. Youβre not going with them, you hear me? Youβre not going with them.β
Thereβs shouting. Thereβs panic. Itβs all fading. Popeβs lips are warm against your skin, and the sound of his voice is soothing andβ¦
-
βI love you.β
The words are whispered into your hair, so soft that you almost donβt hear them through the haze of sleep. But youβre awake, now. He doesnβt know it, but youβre awake.
You blink, and feel his fingers trace slow, warm patterns over the bare skin of your back.
βI love you.β He whispers again, just as low and just as quiet.
You shift, and he goes very, very still.
βHi.β You whisper, pulling back, and he looks fucking terrified.
ββ¦Hi.β
βYou just said you loved me.β
βIβ¦thought you were sleeping.β
You reach up, and turn his face to yours. Feel soft curls between your fingers.
βHow long have you been telling me you love me when Iβm asleep?β
Heβs silent. He doesnβt look away.
βAndrew?β
ββ¦a while.β
You smile, and the way his eyes spark at the sight makes your heart melt. βI love you, too.β
His hand flies up almost too fast, cradling your cheek and brushing his thumb over your cheekbone as he stares into your eyes with an intensity that makes your blood tingle in your veins. βYou do?β
βYeah.β How could you not? How could he not know? βOf course I do.β
-
A sharp sting brings you back, this time. You think someone might have hit you.
βFuck, thank God. You looked likeβ¦shit, okay. Pope, let her go. Youβve gotta let her go, man.β
βWhere were you?β Heβs whispering against your cheek, and heβs out of his mind. Shit, heβs really out of his mind. His arms are still around you, and heβs speaking like he used to when things got really bad. When whatever was in his mind snapped, and it would take you hours to bring him back to you. βWhere did you go? Donβt go. Take me with you.β
Every instinct, every cell in your body, tells you to fight. To stay here. To be here with him. To make this better.
But youβre losing time, and heβs not letting you go.
βDonβt touch her.β Lips on your temple. Your cheek. Arms tight around you. βDonβt touch her. Donβt take her away.β
You try to speak, but convulse instead. The sight of it seems to trigger something, and Craig starts to yank you out of Popeβs arms in such a panicked rush that you whimper as another bolt of agony fires through you.
Andrew holds you tighter. Your mouth tastes like copper. You feel blood trickling past your lips.
βFuck it. Fuck it. Deran, hold him down.β Craig says, and heβs still crying and you should fix that, before he reaches forward and slams Popeβs head against the window. The arms around you go limp as he loses consciousness, and then youβre being lifted out of the car.
βI got you. Itβs okay.β You choke out a soft noise, grab at his arm, and he just tucks you closer to him. βPopeβs okay, too. Everythingβs gonna be fine, yeah? Justβ¦just donβt die. Please, please donβt die.β
Youβre so tired. You want Andrew. If youβre going to drift into oblivion, he should be here. Butβ¦
-
When you open your eyes, itβs to a cracked ceiling and a heavy, distant pain in your stomach.
You feel the drugs in your system. Blurred and heavy and warm. Tijuana. They managed to get you to Tijuana. And youβre alive. Bullet wound in the gut and all, and youβre alive.
Andrew Cody is beside you, head resting on his hands like he may have been living up to his nickname and praying. When you stir, he does too, red-rimmed eyes blinking open and looking at you like youβre the only other person in the world. There is so much relief in his gaze that the sight makes you feel dizzy.
βHi.β You murmur, hoarse, and reach up to tap gently at the side of his head. βAre you here?β You remember his mumbled words against your skin. The way he needed to be knocked out before he would let you go. He can go so far away, sometimes. But he looks like heβs here now. He looks like heβs your Andrew.
He nods, and catches your hand to press his lips to your palm. His breath shudders on a silent sob.
βI thoughtβ¦I thought you were-β
βI think we should get married on the beach.β You cut him off with a gentle squeeze to his hand. βSβthat okay?β
He looks at you, at your stomach, and back at your face like heβs trying to judge how full of painkillers you are. βYou wanna get married?β
βDo you?β
βYes.β Thereβs no hesitation. Not an ounce of it. βBut youβre on-β
βI know. Still want to. I can ask you again when Iβm off them, if you want.β
βI think you should.β He murmurs, but heβs smiling. Itβs a small, hesitant thing. Like he was pretty sure, not too long ago, that he would never smile again. Like heβs already re-learning the expression.
βMm.β You squeeze his hand, and lean your head back against the pillows. βYou wanna marry me?β
βSince I first met you.β
βSoftie.β You turn your head, and furrow your brow a little. βYou never asked, though.β
βI planned it.β He admits, tracing his thumb over your knuckles. βBought a ring.β
βWhen?β
βFive years ago.β
You raise your eyebrows, and say again, βyou never asked.β
βNever found a perfect time.β
βMm. Sorry for stealing your thunder then.β
He squeezes your hand, and brings it up to his lips so he can trail kisses over your knuckles. He looks back up at you after a moment, and his dark eyes are so beautiful. βI killed your father.β
Those four words should definitely make you feel something. Anything. Instead, you just feel a surge of love for the man before you. βOkay.β
βIβm glad I did it.β
βI know.β
And, like he just canβt help it anymore, he moves forward and presses his lips to yours. You kiss him back, and wrap your arms around his neck even as the movement makes you wince. Worth it.
βCan we get married now?β You ask, the words muffled by his lips, and he smiles down at you.
βWhen the drugs wear off.β
You frown, and shrug. βOkay. Can we go home?β
βWhen they say you can.β
Hm. βCan we have sex?β
He laughs. Itβs a beautiful sound. βGo to sleep.β
βYouβre no fun.β
βPromise I will be.β He kisses your cheek. βFor the rest of your life.β
βI like where this is going.β
βIβll never leave you again.β
βKeep talkinβ, Cody.β
βWhen we get home, Iβll stock the fridge with that ice cream you like.β
βTake me now.β
The love in his eyes is so beautiful, so pure, so raw, that you know without a doubt that those eyes alone were worth living for. βGo to sleep.β
-
You and Pope rent a house in Tijuana for a while. Thereβs no need to go back to Oceanside. Not yet. Smurf doesnβt love it, but she doesnβt fight it. It wouldnβt be great optics, after all, for her sonβs girlfriend to be recovering from a bullet wound while her father, whom Pope has nearly killed before, was recently found dead in a warehouse.
He fusses over you endlessly. He barely lets you stand on your own, even when youβre fully capable of doing so. You wake up to him watching you sleep more often than ever, and he barely spends more than a minute not touching you.
Itβs nice. Really nice. Kind of like a honeymoon before the honeymoon. Just with less sex due to an annoying bullet wound, and a little more crankiness from you than usual due to both of the former issues.
But you stay up all night on the beach, talking until the sun rises and making out like teenagers. You try to make breakfast, burn it, and get to ogle him from your spot on the counter as he makes it for the both of you. You plan for the future, count down the days until your wound is healed, and justβ¦enjoy being happy. No jobs, no strings, no stress.
A little over a month later, you wake him up by rolling on top of him, the familiar pain in your stomach reduced to much less than a dull ache.
His eyebrows raise before his eyes even open, a sleepy smile curling on his lips as his hand trails down your back and your lips move to press teasing kisses down his neck.
βGood morning.β You hum, and he seems more than happy to return the sentiment. βI officially think Iβm healed enough forβ¦strenuous activities.β
He makes a low noise, and kisses you slowly. Hungrily. You grin, triumphant and happy, and feel his hands come up to shift you on top of him, sitting himself up against the wall and-
And pulling back.
You actually whine, chasing his lips with your own, but he holds you firm with a smile so wide itβs almost silly.
βI have another idea.β
βItβs been over a month, Andrew. I challenge you to name one thing better than sex right now.β
His smile grows impossibly wider. He reaches into the pocket of his sweatpants, mischief sparking in his sleepy eyes like he was hoping youβd say something like that, andβ¦
And pulls out a ring.
βOh.β You breathe, eyes locked on the little diamond in his palm. Itβs simple. Beautiful. Perfect.
βBought a new one.β He says, hand coming up to brush your hair back from your face.
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ππππππππ: smut , dads!bestfriend!russell x reader , fauxcest if you squint , secret relations , blow job , 18+
ππππ πππππ: 315
#πππππ: this is so bad bc itβs late but enjoy ΒΏΒΏ getting me to write lately is like pulling teeth :(
dads!bestfriend!russell always made you promise it was the last time , but he never stopped looking for a reason to break that promise.
standing in the kitchen , nursing a beer while your father rambled on about a project in the garage. but underneath the tight fabric of his greyed jeans , he was reeling. mind trapped in the claustrophobic , humid air of the laundry room from twenty minutes ago. a sensitive ache , a phantom weight of your mouth refusing to leave him.
it had been dirty of you both. the moment his strained cock escaped his boxers , one soft βslapβ and his drooling tip escaped its confines. thick , watery precome ran in rivulets down the dense hair on his abdomen.
what really made him keep coming back to you , was when you paid extra attention to his sensitive tip. those small firm licks to the head of his purpled shaft. letting out a soft giggle when his breathing stopped and his cock started to twitch.
russell would try and press your head back, his knuckles white , a hiss the only warning he had left. βquit fucking doingβ that sweetheart. βm gonna come too quick.β and youβd take every desperate, greedy bit of him in your mouth , your goal was to make him come harder than the last.
"you still with us?" your dad laughed , clapping a hand on russellβs shoulder.
"yeah βcourse i am," he cleared his throat, a register that felt like a secret confession. "just need a drink." and heβd let his gaze flicker toward you , where you stood by the sink , your lips still slightly wet and puffy.
as he swallowed , the faint taste of salt on his tongue. a reminder of taking his thumb , gliding against your lower lip to catch the lingering trace of his own release , and bringing it back to taste himself.
"this gotta be the last time, kid," he had whispered, lowly.
also i know it's a meme that we all hate writing but that's not true. i fucking love writing. i am so serious, it's okay to love writing. you don't have to hate it to be a real writer. this shit rocks.
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parker is the one instantly interested in nate's ability to see the big picture. in the first ten minutes of the Nigerian job nate tells her how he knows the guards aren't at their station and she goes "I would've missed that." then at the end of the episode, she's the one that she's good at one thing, but he knows other things. she's always learning things from the others in a way no one else is. sometimes crime things, sometimes real life/social things, sometimes both. eliot teaches her to fight, sophie teaches her to grift, she doesn't hack, but she handles tech better than anyone but hardison. (eliot teaches her to like things, sophie teaches her how to have/be a friend, hardison teaches her to trust) she runs her own jobs, on her own, where the rest of the team never does. at first it doesn't work (the inside job) but then it does ( the broken wing job). obviously we see nate actually pull her into the planning in the long goodbye job in preparation for the ending, but she's been interested in learning from him, learning how to do what he does, since the very start. at first I think it was out of her self-preservation mindset, she didn't expect to have people to back her up, maybe ever. but even after she figures out they're sticking around, she won't have to run jobs alone, she keeps learning. from nate, from sophie, from eliot, from hardison, even tara. eventually, from harry. because of harry, from breanna. she accepts their input in a way nate never did, in a way nate never could. his "sicko love of control" wouldn't let him. but from the start, parker lets them teach her. and that carries over in the way she leads. she controls herself, never them. she makes the final call, but she wants input first. not because she can't make the decision herself, but because she sees the big picture in a different way than nate. she's watched the team save each other's skin over and over because one person noticed or knew something no one else did, and she knows she isn't always that person. they all grow so much in those first five years, and I don't know if I even think parker grew the most. but I do think she grew the most intentionally. she looked at all the others, saw what skills they had that she didn't, and decided she would learn.