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Still contemplating what to do with this blog but I still hope you hang around

Looking inside this room full of a year’s worth of memories, it has seen me undergo so many laughter, hardship, tears and companionship.

Seeing it right now full of bags and bags of things that I’ve accumulated, I can’t help but shed a tear.

Closing another chapter never felt so real and concrete than this one.

Farewell to the love that I spent in this room.

Three years ago. We met again in the most unconventional way that you won’t admit to anybody. From that moment, we talked and spent time together. 

Three years ago, you made me smile. You made my heart skip a beat. You filled my world with your voice, your music, your smile, your cringe-worthy jokes, your adorable mannerisms,your warm hugs and loving kisses.

Despite the distance we faced back then, you never failed to let me feel your love. Behind a small screen, we spent the days together no matter how busy you were. You told me every detail of your day, you ranted and vented out the bad ones and some days we just have both screens at sight spent in silence.

In vain I spent days looking for jobs and failed miserably that I just went flying back home. 

There you were, like an excited little puppy seeing me back home. We spent days together during weekend, treated me to places I never have been in, ate food that I never tasted and traveled to places I never been.

Those seemingly endless days where I just contentedly listen to all the pet names you gave me and that somehow evolved as time passes..

From hun, to hubby/wifey, to my forever, to meow meow.

But then, some things changed as time progressed.

You saw how flawed my life was. Like everything was a bad choice.

You pulled me away from my demons. Demons as you see it, but for me were family, friends, and all people who mattered to me.

Gullible as I am, I heeded to your advice.

But still, something is still not right about me for you.

As I gain new friends, you cut me off immediately. Telling me that they are bad for me. So to fill the void, you steered me to your friends.

As I spent time with my family, you’ll abruptly show up at our house asking me to go back with you. Telling me that you were there ‘cause you thought I’d like the surprise “sundo”.

With all my support cut off, and the inability to create new ones, I turned to the only person left: YOU.

But then that was when all the trouble started.

You are irked that i am too DEPENDENT on you. That I was too CLINGY.

Therefore you tried to teach me to be INDEPENDENT.

For you, everything was a long and agonizing journey in which nothing is working on me. Nothing works on the flaws that you see in me.

You hated that I was too clingy. Yes I said that “Why are you so irked? Would you rather me be clingy to another person?” 

It was hell for you. But did you know how it hurts for me to continuously change for you?

You saw, in that three years that I was hopeless and no progress.

The only improvement you saw is me is that I wont throw myself to the next guy upon our breakup.

Looking at it, with the circle of friends that we have, you thought that they solely supported the “Idea of US” when in fact, they were all asking me how I can still tolerate your toxic manipulative behavior.

And when one of your friends pointed out that if “Maybe your relationship will work out if you are less of an asshole” you saw that as an insult instead of an insight. 

Coz for you, you never did anything wrong. Only the people around you, the idiots around you, are the only people who are capable of doing shit.

You prided yourself as someone who can see a true friend by sight but you cringed at how all your “friends” only talks to you as long as you give them free rides and jamming sessions. When in fact, they won’t be there if you didn’t obligated them to do so every time you show up in front of their houses.

Despite all of this, I stayed in the relationship and did my best to listen to your every “advice”.

Apparently, you got tired and looked for a distraction. for the next 1.5 years of the relationship, you took upon the identity of a 24yr old hacker, NGSB introverted, half japanese boy who does not want to be seen in any pictures and constantly wears long sleeves and removed your glasses.

For the next following days. MWFS, you spent your blissful time with your distraction despite the fact that by the end of the day, you have me waiting for your messages or an invite to go out.

You told me your weekends are dedicated for family and I should do the same. I didn’t know you were dedicating it to your distraction.

I felt the cold chill of loneliness. For days end I cried with tears from the suffocating loneliness that I cannot fathom why I feel it in the first place.

When confronted, all you have to say to me is “So you’ve woken me up again to one of your drama SHIT”

It hurts.

I don’t know where the loving guy I met. All I have was an arrogant, egotistic bastard who seems to not know that I have feelings.

All of these fights, and the decline of your health, you blamed it all on me.

And when asked how you see me, I am just the crey crey girlfriend.

The conveniently placed girl, tho you don’t want to, is the only one around whenever you failed your conquest to your distractions.

The free lunch who couldn’t get a clue on what is going on. The side chick, the hoe next door which you can do cause she’s blindly still in love with the guy ONE SIDEDLY.

Honestly, I was very confused as to why you were giving me the most peaceful breakup.

I just didn’t know better.

So, for that guy, that psychopath that I once loved.

You now have your freedom

And I’ll be here fixing all the things you broke.

But to give a lighter note to this, I want to say thank you for giving me freedom. Freedom to start a new life away from you. 

This will be the time to know myself more.

I will walk on this new journey knowing I have a better future ahead of me. 

While you are left in the darkness of your lies. I will go back to the happy life I once lived.