‘ you’re not letting me win to boost my ego, are you? ’
‘ i want to destroy you. ’
‘ i’m just trying not to make my concentration face. ’
‘ well, now you just look like one of those blow-up air men outside the car dealership. ’
‘ i like you. so, so much. ’
‘ you’re not hard to get. at all. you’re hard to earn and it’s… so much better. ’
‘ you are way too nice to everyone. except me, apparently. ’
‘ don’t be weird. ’
‘ i need pizza! ’
‘ i know this is not gonna sound how i mean it to sound, but i wanna fuck this pizza. ’
‘ i get it. you should never say that to anyone else, but i get it. ’
‘ you’re gonna let the smell out! ’
‘ i want that pizza box to be my bed. ’
‘ it’s like battle of the bulge over here. it’s a war zone. ’
‘ i’ve never even had a boyfriend. ’
‘ i just don’t even know what’s going on with your dancing. ’
‘ just stop thinking. nobody cares. ’
‘ look at these assholes. ’
‘ there are two kinds of compliments to give a woman: the things she already thinks about herself that need confirmed and the things she doesn’t think anybody else notices about her. ’
‘ you can’t make it better until you actually do it. ’
‘ stop feeling sorry for yourself. ’
‘ i said yes! ’
‘ we’re not old enough to get married, though. ’
‘ i’m gonna take a picture of you and post it on tinder. ’
‘ you know, guys love girls who like sports. ’
‘ i know that i’ve been cunty to you. ’
‘ don’t be one of those girls who can’t say cunt. ’
‘ but you’re like… a grown-up. ’
‘ the best meal i ever had was a five dollar pizza thrown up a fire escape. ’
‘ do you have a guy over? ’
‘ why do you always assume i have a guy over? ’
‘ it’s just sometimes i get emotional over sports. ’
‘ i need that food! ’
‘ first guy i ever slept with came as a gay man while he was inside of me. ’
‘ he’s in my room right now drinking gatorade to recover from our vigorous love making. ’
‘ do i look like somebody who can afford interest? i steal my toilet paper from the office bathroom. ’
‘ you should probably just be a little easier on the ‘hahaha’s’. i mean, you find him humorous, you’re not a psychotic clown. ’
‘ nobody likes the actual work. that’s the point of a job. you do the best one where you make the most money. ’
‘ you like someone because of all of their qualities and you love someone despite some of their qualities. ’
‘ you like because, and you love despite. ’
‘ a lot of men proposed to me. i could be thrice divorced by no. ’
‘ it’s kind of like you don’t really know until you tried it and then, once you tried it, you really know. ’
‘ it’s been so long since i’ve been to a party. or made out with someone. i don’t even remember how! it’s like my tongue has atrophied. ’
‘ i made something! ’
‘ why are you so quiet? you move like a prius. ’
‘ people call me creepy? …i love it. ’
‘ i got here so early that i thought i had time to dick around, so i went there, then i lost track of time, and suddenly i was late. ’
‘ that’s the dumbest thing i’ve ever heard. that is not a real thing. ’
‘ it’s the over-dick-around thing. i over-dicked it. ’
‘ this is the best meal i’ve ever had. in my entire life. ’
‘ please don’t drop my pizza. ’
‘ stop making me laugh. ’
‘ no, not you, i’m talking to my pizza. ’
‘ we’re full-on parent trapping them. ’
‘ okay, i think i’ve seen the lindsay lohan classic enough times to know that we’re full on parent trapping hard. ’
‘ i don’t know what you’re getting out of this, but you deserve better. you are better. ’
‘ one is a beautiful woman with dark hair and a fierceness that’s both scary and inspiring… the other is a guy. ’
‘ take that back. ’
‘ he’s a selfish, superficial asshole, but he can’t help it. ’
‘ you could be a good person, but you want to be an asshole. ’
‘ you’re choosing to be a piece of shit. ’
‘ stop pretending this is some moral dilemma. ’
‘ i’m telling her. the whole truth. all of it. ’
‘ i don’t wanna do this anymore. ’
‘ you’re my backup. ’
‘ don’t marry him. ’
‘ i know you don’t put up with any shit. so don’t put up with his. ’
‘ oh my god, i gave myself goosebumps. ’
‘ you douche-tard. ’
‘ i googled it so i know what it means now. ’
‘ you displayed a total lack of character when it mattered. ’
‘ you have the romantic and sexual personality of a seventh grader. ’
‘ you’re a know-it-all. ’
‘ you are unbelievably bad at beer pong. ’
‘ you’re a sore winner. ’
‘ you use too many explanation points. ’
‘ and yet… ’
izzy806
blakekathryn
areudirty
tangentwithtanner
romaincrisis
gummygunk
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