I’m not sure who is on here anymore or if anyone reads this, but hello! I’m trying to just blog this down to keep myself accountable. Last month, was pretty bad. I got back into my old habits thinking wise and the way of venting my emotions. I want to be better just so that I can live longer, but so I can set a good example for MJ and just live better in all honesty.
Things were nice, and I was able to converse and do things, but I feel like when I did them last month, I literally had one weekend to do everything and it was hard. It was fun, but going back home and to the routine was hard. Especially when I was in my luteal phase. That combined with my bad habits of regulating my emotions is just a recipe for disaster.
It’s kind of like solving an equation. 2+2 =4. Why do I decide to do things to make it 2+2-2+2-2+1+1-1+1-1-2+3 =4 (idk if i did that right tbh) but honestly, i just want to cut the shit. Reality is reality. Things are going to happen. Why can I just accept things and just move on? I have a hard time moving on. Yes, Comet is going to take FOREVER and spin for 3 whole as minutes before he takes a shit. Yes, he is going to stop when he hears a noise or if a human or dog passes by. Yes, Taro is going to keep table surfing when i turn around. Yes, she’s going to throw up her water every morning because she drinks it too fast. Yes, MJ will most likely wake up before me. Yes, I might have to work through my lunch to get shit done (or i can ask for help). Yes, dishes are going to be there everyday. Yes, I HAVE to communicate with my husband when i want things done. NO he doesn’t have to do it right away although i would prefer it. IF he does have to do it right away, just LET him know and communicate it.
Show MJ and be an example that I can regulate my emotions properly.
I’ve been trying to stay off social media. I’ve been trying not to doom scroll. Yes, my phone is the issue. Yes, me sleeping later at night because of my phone is the issue. Yes, all the overwhelming information from social media is the issue. Yes, comparing myself to everyone else is the issue. I want to be content with what I have. I want it to be the inspiration to strive for better. I want the inspiration to come from within, not from without. Yes, i can get ideas from social media, but no i don’t need to exactly the same.
1. I’ve been trying to stay off my phone.
2. I’ve been trying to take my daily vitamins and fiber every day.
3. I’ve been trying to eat within an hour or two after waking up.
4. I’ve been trying to stop eating 2-3 hours before i sleep.
5. I’ve been trying to do the 3 steps for my face at night: 1. Gentle cleanse 2. Moisturize. 3. Put on my retainers.
6. I’ve been trying to do the following steps for my face in the morning 1. Water or go straight to toner, 2. Moisturize. 3. Sunscreen.
7. I’ve been trying to moisturize my body after a shower or whenever i want to moisturize my feet ankles knees wherever i feel like needs moisturization.
8. I noticed that drinking matcha everyday before my period will make me more anxious and make it late.
9. I hate getting sick, although I’ve been getting sick more often, I need to take care of my body and nourish it so that it isn’t as impactful.
10. Drink more water.
11. Move my body more. I’m trying out this cycle syncing where i go hard after my menstruation and right before my luteal phase. I’m currently at that phase. I don’t want to, but I’m going to try. In may I’ll have to run for the 3.5 mile on Thursday may 14th. I’m excited for that tbh. I have to train for it vs last year.
12. I’m fearful of it because i want to train, but i know I’ll get sick just because Mj is in preschool and they get sick all the time. I’m trying to control my emotions and not get anxiety over it.
I’ve been trying to read some self help books. About 3 weeks ago I had to cancel my therapy session. I haven’t heard from her since, but to be honest, it is probably the best thing that has happened so far. I understand now that I’ve just been using her as a crutch to honestly just talk at someone. I just wanted someone to hear and listen without judgement. It was nice, but I could do that with journaling or blogging. It is hard when I get into that mindset that I’m alone. I don’t want to feel like that. I don’t want to be a danger to my daughter. I don’t want to use ‘I’m gonna die from this’ as a threat to the people I love just for being human. I want to communicate my feelings better. Rather than that, I’d say ‘I need help.’
Also, things don’t have to be done asap or now. I might regret it later, but I need to get into the mindset, that if it does happen, then whatever. My mind is more important. My mental health is more important. Why am I even doing chores or working past my lunch for? Who is it for? I think I forgot the reason. It is not only for me to survive, but it is also for my family. It is to enjoy the moments with them. It is to just be present.
Okie :) I’ll check back maybe in a week. Although I have been exercising for more than a week now, I’ve been trying to change my mindset. I’ve been trying to stay off social media. I’ve been trying to do my skincare routing for longer.
I want to keep this up. I want to be motivated from the inside and not the out. I want to do this for me. After listening to a podcast which i think it starred dr. Idriss (I’m so sorry if i spelled it wrong). The way we look should be the cherry on top, not the reason why we should be happy. She phrased it better, but I understood. The way we look shouldn’t be our source of being content, but an add on.
I’m going to age. I want to be able to be content from within. I think this is a good start. If I don’t follow the above everyday or if i fall off, it is okay. It is better late than never. It is better to just take a break and put it on the back burner and go back again. Life happens. This is life, and I have the power to control how i react to it. That is what I can control.
