Ayoub.

I've always hated being the victim of my own kindness, it makes me look foolish though i was the brightest and the smartest but.. but i was the kindest, with a strong subconscious and a heart beating hard, you people, want someone to hurt you, you people want someone to fucking put you down, step on you, abuse you and makes​ it look sweet, you people want the devil cause you think it's the most amazing combination of love and strength, you people want someone heartless cause you think those are the ones who think straight and can handle life, bring me hell and I'll show you how I'll walk dragging you out of it, but no, you people don't deserve the good things​ at all.. i FUCKING wish that suddenly everything turns to hell around me, i need me some fire and some demons to fuck with, some bullets to shoot, some people to hurt, some hearts to break and many sins to do, give me a gun i want to kill, and I'll start with my subconscious​ and my heart, which was your only defense from me.

easily, stop by the beach and wait there you'll see me calmly saying my name instead​ of yours, and the " you're safe now" is out of date, you can try again or wait at the shores of a lake, a dead stream or that's​ how it seems, never mind it's over now, and my dreams are still the same, nor hate or blame will end the world or stop the clock, nor me and you will finish the game, please, easily help me be me tomorrow when i wear you for the living and walk by my side when i walk back and drag me back again. i love you because i love me and i might be lovely like the rain when it falls outside and disliked​ when you feel the pain but I'm never shaking because of how cold it's told and I'm never insane.

blurry 💕

Do i really belong to where i exist? cause i can already feel lost, and I can't find my self, i looked everywhere, i looked above the clouds of thoughts​ in my head, in the seas of my beautiful memories and over mountains of my sweet mistakes, but i found nothing but disappointment​, regret, and a waste​ of my unreplaceable time, i swear to god i almost believed​ that my​ mind was poisoned by some sort of a disease, look i can explain, if you look deep inside you you'll know that there's things that can't be explained​ even if you wanted to, things that hurt you and you can't find reasons why it does hurt, things that touches your heart in a way that can't be described, that's how my poison tastes, too harmful to let me feel free, too beautiful to be deadly, it's not anyone's fault, it's my mind that makes me feel like a homesick traveler everytime i feel that i can't control it, everytime i feel that i don't belong to the people around me, the dead inside, the unhappy, the hidden behind their beautiful faces, the hidden behind their sweet phrases and the other me that grew up because of all the reflections of people's​ act and the experiences i had, the "me" that belongs to everyone, that everyone can talk to and understand​, yes "me" gotta be gone too, cause I'm feeling this homesickness for a full change for too long to be just a phase or a feeling, don't assume that you do know what i am please, it makes me feel like a book, and how dare you compare a book to a universe? how dare you think this is too much of self love when i don't even consider my self mine.. you don't know anything about Ayoub, cause the real me was always made to be hidden, I'm sorry.

who are we to judge, what our fathers​ did

I was the one who's​ made of stardust.

i still visit you in my dreams, i still see the moon, the ship and the calm sea, in my day dreams i travel miles and miles through time and memories, i do things i never did, i have things that i still don't have, i visit them when the night comes​ and i wake up at midnight and i know i can't stay, because i'm living in an illusion and I'm not waking up anytime soon, i know the dead are the winners​ and the living are the point of living, but this heavy soul of mine knows​ all the sorrows​ in our heads, knows​ how i struggle to revive the broken things in me, though it knows what's dead remains dead, breaks through a dream with another dream fades away and travels deep in my mind touching walls they painted inside in no time or just in the time that takes me to pull another cigarette out of the pack, it remains inside, but they're fools if they think they can hide, they know how i can think and feel and they know the path i made and they know our minds are dying and i know how i look in their eyes and your eyes and i'm not ashamed to speak but no one will understand how the pure me was made, how i speak with my mind and let you know that i exist under you skull, how i can still touch you from miles away, and how i can still breathe your toxic presence easier than oxygen, well it isn't about what my body wants, it isn't about what you want, it is like a sunflower and the sun, it rises when the sun shines breaths light like cocaine, i am not a sunflower, i am more like a tree, my roots are deep in your heart and my branches will softly play with your hair and fucks up your mind, and i grow there and i feed my self with my own power that i gather from your existence and our flaws, it will make sense, it won't take long to get to your head, it won't hit you hard like the sinking anchor you feel inside you when you feel like a broken chair made for a reason and got broken for a reason and left for the poor, neither​ will go easily cause it's not really a love season or passing train, it's like the blood stream in your veins, and i will witness the end and crawl back to my remains when our minds gets old and tired and careless, when it's only a matter of​ time and only the moon worths to see, when the only place to be is by the sea, in a ship drinking​ coffee while it's sinking..