Ayat

Not out of sympathy, but because I couldn’t live it, with its details.

While you’re fighting to feel secure, to love who you’ve become, even though you never really accepted who you were, comes this tiny human. All that they know is you and loving you. They don’t know how to eat, sleep, talk, walk… but they know how to love you, with it’s purest mere meaning.

اشتقتلك.

It is devastating that it is only 20 minutes maximum, but it leaves me physically and psychologically damaged for 24 hours. I don't know why it happens, i can not predict it. I don't know how to stop it. It just happens. Every single time. It kills a little hope inside of me. It makes me weaker, i have to give up fighting. Heart racing, teeth cracking, arms and feet so numb and shacking, eyes flashing, mind blowing. Death is so near. Thinking; STOP Seeking Attention, get yourself together, Fight girl, FIGHT. Get away from people. Can i get away from myself? Is Anxiety myself now? Am I Anxiety or am i anxious? The 20 minutes are over, fix your headscarf. Your lipstick. Oh, your hands are still shacking? It's okay, draw some perfect eyeliner.. Better now huh? Drink some water, breathe deep, put on your headphones on. Play Bach, suit N°1. Perfect again. Congratulations, you survived. Again.