Awfullyprettystorm

I mean this in the best way possible.

In most recent years, sometimes when I fall asleep I catch myself screaming out in my sleep.

to the point where you show me the notebooks full of complete sentences that you could make out of my ramblin’ through clenched teeth.

I laugh but it’s not really that funny. I want to rest. I want to fall asleep tonight and actually goto sleep.

One night. Without the memory playing out in new ways over and over again. Sad, soulcrushing Memories of my loved ones who have gone on and no longer in this world.

Don’t get me wrong I am greatful that you come to me in my slee every time I close my eyes. I am lucky.

I just hate feeling so sad when I am still half way asleep and I catch myself asking you in my dream,

“Where is my dad?” I say quickly as soon as I wake. (in a dream) no time wasted to think. In the tiny few seconds before you realize who you are and what’s really happened to you.

“Oh…” I say slowly; sadly with a huge lump in my throat. All I remember is crying in my sleep so fucking hard.

Don’t let me take my family for granted again.

Even though they have all went on to Heaven.