can i be invisible

I don’t want to be tethered to capitalism and social interaction to survive, I don’t want a job, but it’s no kind of life to be a neet wasting my family’s time and money. I just dread existing in my 20s and onward, it seems so futile and difficult. I see it come into place so easily with my friends and peers because of their personalities and positive mindsets, and it does motivate me to try my best, but I’m so afraid of just. continuing to come up short again and again. even though I’m still alive, I still feel like a failure every day

i hate that i can rarely do anything that requires mental effort even if it’s something i really, really want to do. i’m always too tired or i can’t concentrate or i’m too busy being emotional about some shit or i’m too afraid of failure to even try. i’m not super good at anything in particular bc i can’t properly do the things i want to get better at. never enough to make progress

does anyone else feel incapable of pursuing a romantic relationship because they think of themselves as something entirely worthless and disgusting and extremely unworthy of affection and love? like, just the thought of some poor soul having to be around me like that makes me cry. nobody deserves that.

do you ever sit with a group of people and not say anything for  the entire time so theres no reason for you to be there youre just awkwardly listening to people converse while doing your own thing and wondering how its so easy for them to just talk or why its so hard for you to say anything

*remembers my friends have other friends, past relationships, full lives, hobbies etc* yikes!!! :)

Shout out to all people with AVPD who enjoy dance, theater, band, singing, etc who are unable to perform due to their disorder. Your love for the performing arts is still valid, and so are you! I know that you probably constantly hear stories about people who seemingly lost all of their anxiety after stepping foot on stage, and it’s okay that that didn’t happen to you. There’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not alone. (This is okay for anybody to reblog!)

im so happy ive met other avoidants bc it really puts it all into perspective… if this many people all think were the worst person… were obviously like, not that bad,

relatable avoidant feel: u can Never Ever tell anyone ur feelings Ever