st jude

Maybe walking wasn’t so safe after all.

“It’s alright,” Nora assured her as she stuck her hands in her pockets, “I’m not hurt or anything.  Are you okay?”

Ava’s hands jerked out to the woman she’d plowed into, attempting to steady them both. Even quicker though she pulled herself back, stepping away. God, how long had it been since she’d touched another person. She really needed to get a grip on herself.

“Oh, good, good,” she replied, still flustered. She blinked at the other woman-_are you okay. _“I-” she took a breath, adjusting her shoulder bag and tried again, “Of course, I’m fine. Just startled myself, that’s it. I really am sorry.” Are you okay?

Ava glanced back at the police station, reluctant. It was for the best though. She couldn’t just bury herself in work constantly to avoid her quiet home. It wasn’t a long term solution and, in case, the cats would be happy to see her home.

“Of course, of course. It’s just a little ways a way,” she explained with a wave of her hand. She stepped back fully onto the sidewalk. “Come on. I’m heading that way anyway. Really you’re rescuing me,” Ava said, with a self-deprecating laugh, “I’d just about decided to head back to work for a couple more hours.”

Smiling gently at the other woman, she asked curious, “So are you just visiting or did you just move?”

Just play it cool.

“O-Oh, let’s just ask the people at the counter. I’m sure they’ll clarify things.” Though she almost immediately regretted the offer. Whenever she was around people she was suspicious, she had a difficult time acting ‘normal’.

“This is yours, by the way.” As her latte was passed back, Ruby offered the black coffee. Once she had the coffee in hand, she took a sip. It was nice to have the hot, sweet drink. Bitter coffee hurt her soul. “Me either, I have to grab a drink before going in to the mayor’s office.” She tried to make it come off as casual, but it didn’t quite land.

Ava ignored the slight shift in the other woman’s demeanor, chalking it up to yet another person recognizing her from the Daily Punctilio’s continued slander. So now, to this woman, she was not only a suspected murderer but a coffee thief as well. Great.

It was too early to even summon the proper amount of self-loathing so she just shook her head sheepishly. “No, it’s fine,” she explained, reaching back to pluck the other muffin off the counter. “It was hiding behind someone’s else order.”

Relief coursed through her as the woman handed over her coffee, the warmth of the cup sinking into her hands. “Oh, thank you,” she sighed. She really should think about her dependency issues. She took a quick sip, almost burning her tongue in surprise at the woman’s words.

Ava lowered her cup, trying not to appear overly interested though it was probably too late for that. “You work with Mayor Parrish? That must be...-” she floundered for a word that wasn’t demoralizing, “-interesting. I’m Ava by the way. I work with the police.”

The hustling and bustling of the city felt familiar to her, but she still didn’t feel like she knew where she was or where she belonged. With nowhere to go, it seemed like staying in the City was the best choice despite barely making ends meet. Zeta smiled at the woman who looked somewhat familiar…probably because she saw her picture in the newspaper.

Ava brushed away the other woman’s echoed apology, especially after hearing that the women was apparently new to the city. She couldn’t help the instinctive way her shoulders relaxed with the realization that this woman probably hadn’t been inundated with all the rumors about Ava yet. Someone who wouldn’t stare suspiciously at her, mutter about life insurance, murder, betrayal.

Smiling reassuringly at her, Ava offered, “Of course, it’s no problem at all. I’ve lived here-” she cut herself off, biting down on the inside of her cheek. “I mean I used to live just down the street. I know it’s easy to get yourself turned around when you’re new in town. Where are you trying to get to?”

The recent events had made the thought pop more and more often. Especially when she moved to place to place, and especially at night. As much as she was used to it, given her late hours, lately she simply couldn’t push away the thought that she ought to be twice as attentive, thrice as cautious. The need to switch her route every other day had become an everyday precaution. Her glances behind her, and to every corner around her had become instinctive. Her attention to the frequency, strength and even route of the footsteps around her even more precise. Silly, she told herself every time she got home same. Better silly than foolish, she told herself every time she left.

And did bumping into someone feel particularly foolish! She’d been one of those narrow lenses focusing on the wrong thing. So busy she’d been looking at the next turn that she missed someone walking right in front of her.  She shook her head and gave the poor girl a polite smile. The short and warm kind. The kind that said no worries, while she mentally growled and scowled at herself. This could never happen again.   “That would make two of us. I’m terribly sorry too”

Penny dropped! That face and ‘I’m terribly sorry’. She recognized the woman, but given the terrible reason for which she recognized her, she deemed it better to feign no recognition at all. Instead, she added a touch of kind to her smile.   “I suppose the thought of where we’re going keeps us all a bit too busy to mind the how. Awful habit”

Ava’s hand rose to nervously fidget with the strap of her bag, eyes darting away from the other woman’s. She could feel it, the judgement, the morbid curiosity, the assumptions. Ever since the Daily Punctilio, or rather Ms. Valentine, had begun their campaign against her, strangers’ eyes followed her, people spit at her, the whispered curse murderer followed her. And to think she’d just been thinking of Uptown so nostalgically after the city had betrayed so thoroughly.

This woman, at least, with the gentle smile on her face, seemed willing to make her own decision about Ava. Either that or Ava really was paranoid now and she hadn’t recognized her at all.

Tentative, Ava met her eyes and replied with a small quirk of her mouth, “Well you’re still doing better than me then. I can’t seem to get my mind off where I’ve been.” A euphemism for being stuck in the past if she’d ever heard one.

Might as well not think about it. He had too much to worry about now. For example: the group of Wade Academy kids standing around on a corner across the street, laughing at… something. He knew them all, and he hated them, with the exception of Freddie Hammond, a short, stocky blond boy with a chip on his shoulder but otherwise a decent heart. The bastard stood him up at the coffee shop, though, so Joseph couldn’t take his attempts at friendship seriously. As for the others, they were mean to everyone.

Joseph hadn’t even looked at the group for very long before a woman bumped into him.

“Oh. Yeah. I was too.” He barely spoke above a whisper, and his eyes were still on the group of kids he knew from school. One of the kids looked up at Joseph (for so Joseph assumed), and then tapped Freddie’s shoulder, presumably to alert him to Joseph’s presence. As soon as the boy’s gaze had diverted, Joseph darted behind the woman, careful to keep his face outside of view even as he kept the group within his peripheral vision.

Nodding in response to boy’s words, she was already stepping away, mind sliding back to her work when she caught on the boy’s tense posture and fixed attention on the school kids across the way.

She watched sadly as the boy shuffled just behind her, tucking himself out of their view. It was only too familiar to Ava. She’d been that kid years ago too, insecure, obsessed with her books, different; they made for easy targets in school. Of course, in retrospect what she experienced in school was nothing compared to what people were saying about her now.

“Hey,” she started gently, trying not to startle the kid. “Don’t let-” she stopped, shaking her head in frustration. She couldn’t believe she was about the repeat the same useless words she’d been given as a child. Don’t let them bother you. God, as if that had ever been an option.

Retrying, she offered, “I was just heading back to work. You can hang out in there for a minute if you want.” She waved her hand up at the police department sign, continuing, “I guarantee they won’t follow you in.”

If she concentrated hard enough Ava could see the ghostly mirage of Ava and Sybil, out there too, coming back from dinner. Sybil always wanted to walk back to 667, one hand tangled with Ava’s as she excitedly told a story from her last adventure. They’d pause at a crosswalk and all the lights would shining, putting an unearthly glow onto Sybil’s face and Ava would always think-how is this real, how are you real?

Maybe she should just get a little bit more work done before leaving for the night. It had been such a busy day, she didn’t even have a chance to review that toxicology report on the woman from last week. Turning back towards the police department, she plowed straight into someone.

“Oh god,” she gasped. “I’m so sorry. I was so distracted.”