Starshine!

you have to love your disabled partner even when you come home exhausted and the bedroom is a mess. You have to love us when there's a pile of dishes in the sink that's sat for three weeks. You have to love us when we have to shake you awake at night to have someone hold us to distract us from the pain. You have to be willing to take us to urgent care and the pharmacy and the hospital and you must be willing to carry our mobility aids or help us up stairs or open jars and cans and doors and be willing to go home early when we can't stand it anymore. You will have to deal with us having flare ups that may fall on birthdays or anniversaries or trips or other major events and not hate us for it (we hate this just as much as you do).

You have to love us when we are burdens. When you are exhausted from work, we will still be disabled and still need our pills and affection. I promise, I'm always doing the most I can. I promise. We are always, always doing the most and best we can. And many times, because we are disabled, sometimes our best is still not enough to get everything done that we need to.

Image description: A screenshot of the symptoms of 'factitious disorder,' from the Mayo Clinic. The symptoms are listed below alongside my discussion of them.

This is the 'condition' that used to be known as Munchausen's.

I am not claiming that nobody ever fakes being sick. But it is vanishingly rare compared to the number of people who ARE sick, but doctors refuse to take it seriously.

Let's take a look at some of these. How can they tell if the medical problems are 'clever and convincing' or just... real, if it's one of the hundreds of conditions that don't show up in a clean cut way on imaging or labs ?

'Deep knowledge of medical terms and diseases' is much more commonly a symptom of being forced to do your own research because doctors refuse to help you figure out what's going on. I have deep knowledge of certain medical terms and diseases. Wish I didn't have to.

'Vague or inconsistent symptoms' - you mean like those that occur in, once again, the many conditions doctors like to ignore and dismiss because clear objective diagnostic measures don't exist yet? Like they did with multiple sclerosis before they invented the MRI?

'Conditions that get worse for no clear reason' - sometimes the reason is pretty clear! Medical neglect! And many conditions worsen for no obvious reason. Do they not understand the concepts of progressive,' 'degenerative', or 'relapsing-remitting'?

'Seeking treatment from many healthcare professionals' - it's almost like if a doctor dismisses your symptoms or refuses treatment you might need to look for another?

'Not wanting healthcare professionals to talk to family or friends' - Many chronically ill people live in abusive situations and/or with people who do not believe they are sick.

'Staying in the hospital a lot' - Because you're sick and no one will provide appropriate treatment outpatient. Because they don't believe you. So it escalates to hospital severity.

'Desire for frequent testing or risky surgeries and procedures' - It's almost like people want to find out what's wrong with them? And get treatment for it even if it has risks?

'Many surgical scars or evidence of many procedures' - Sure yeah let's just demonize people for having had medical care. Alright.

'Having few visitors when in the hospital' - Yeah, definitely if a chronically ill person experiences social isolation or abandonment they must be faking. We definitely don't live in a culture that isolates sick people.

'Arguing with healthcare professionals and staff' - And this is the one that inspired my addition to this post. G-d forbid we know anything about our bodies or advocate for ourselves.

Someone I care about very much was recently 'diagnosed' with this despite massive evidence of life threatening, untreated medical conditions. This diagnosis can kill people.

Image: Mayo Clinic screenshot, overview of 'somatic symptom disorder.'

"Somatic symptom disorder involves focusing too much on physical symptoms such as pain or tiredness. This focus causes major emotional distress and makes it hard to function. You may or may not have another medical condition that causes these symptoms. But how you think, feel and behave because of the symptoms can be extreme."

"You might often think the worst about your symptoms. You may seek medical care often, searching for a reason for the symptoms, even when other serious conditions have been ruled out. You also might spend so much time and energy focusing on your symptoms that it's hard to function, sometimes leading to more challenges in your life."

So... if you find your symptoms of an actual real diagnosed medical disorder 'too' distressing, seek 'too much' medical care, and want to find out why you're sick, they can just diagnose you with 'Never take this person's medical problems seriously again disorder'.

The 'even when other serious conditions have been ruled out' part is especially absurd. Which other serious conditions? Sure, if you hear hoofbeats, think horses, not zebras - rule out the most common possibilities first. But if you're still having symptoms that don't fit your existing diagnoses? Then yeah, you might want to rule out less common causes!

And the idea that it's not the symptoms themselves that cause the problems, just that you spend too much time focusing on them... I've noticed a strange phenomenon in my personal experience where I spend a lot less time and energy focusing on my symptoms when they are treated to the point that they aren't severely debilitating. Idk, maybe that's just me.

And the symptoms list... how do they not hear themselves?

Image: List of symptoms from same Mayo Clinic page.

Symptoms of somatic symptom disorder may include:

Specific symptoms, such as pain or shortness of breath.

General symptoms, such as feeling very tired or weak

Symptoms not related to any medical cause.

Symptoms related to a medical condition but that are more severe than usually expected.

One symptom, many symptoms or symptoms that change over time.

Mild, moderate or severe symptoms.

It's literally... any symptoms? Mild, moderate, severe, general, specific, related or unrelated to a diagnosed medical condition. With the clear implication that if it's not diagnosed yet or if it's unusually severe, it's fake.

Yes, even a trans woman as a trans man. Or non-binary.

And a trans man as a trans woman too. You don't have to read that stuff if you don't want to. I don't. But so long as someone doesn't claim their interpretation to be canon — it's called a HEAD canon for a reason;

It's fucking fine. Who, other than you apparently, cares? Because I don't. If someone wants, they can write about me as a damn trans woman. I'd be flattered. Not that I know why someone would want to write me into anything of theirs, but I'd be flattered nonetheless. I'd be flaunting that shit everywhere. Look, they made me a transfemme! Ha. Am I? No. Idc.

If you wouldn't be, idk what to tell you. You should re-evaluate your life. Be abuse there is literally nothing wrong with seeing oneself within characters, and giving them traits that make this PERSONAL identification even stronger. People do it all the time with all kinds of stuff.