a True Godness is here

Really nice recipes. Every hour.

DIY Nebula Jars

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DYE DOES NOT KILL YOUR HAIR. I DON’T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I CAN TELL PEOPLE THIS. BLEACH. BLEACH KILLS YOUR HAIR.

with that being said, it’s relatively easy to repair your hair. DO YOU KNOW HOW EASY?! WELL IMMA TELL YOU.

BUY ALMOST ANY GODDAMN CONDITIONER. 3 MINUTE DEEP CONDITIONERS WORK BEST BUT STILL. 3 DOLLAR WALMART STUFF WILL DO YOU A WHOLE FRACKING WORLD OF GOOD. YOU SLATHER YOUR HEAD IN THAT SHIT AND LEAVE IT ON FOR A HALF HOUR. TADA MOTHERFUCKER. TA-FUCKING-DA. YOUR HAIR IS GONNA FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE WORKS? NOT WASHING YOUR GODDAMN HAIR EVERY DAY LIKE A LUNATIC. THAT’S BAD FOR YOUR HAIR. AFTER BLEACHING YOU SHOULD WAIT TO WASH IT FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN STAND. DO YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE THE NATURAL OILS REPAIR HAIR BETTER THAN ANYTHING YOU CAN BUY AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? IT’S FUCKING FREEEEEEEEEEEE.

NOW, THE THIRD WAY TO MAKE YOUR GOD DAMN GLORIOUS HAIR LOOK NICE AFTER BLEACHING IS TO TRIM OFF THE MOTHERFUDGIN’ DEAD ENDS. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CLIP DEAD ENDS ANYWAYS.

THE DYE DOESN’T DAMAGE YOUR HAIR. IN FACT, IT CONDITIONS A LITTLE BIT. ESPECIALLY VEGETABLE BASED DYES LIKE MANIC PANIC AND STUFF. BASICALLY ALL THE FUN COLORS. PLEASE STOP TELLING PEOPLE WITH DYED HAIR THAT IT’S GONNA TURN TO SHIT. WE KNOW. WE ALSO KNOW HOW TO AVOID IT BECAUSE WE’RE NOT AS IGNORANT AS YOU WERE AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS POST. 

NOW YOU MIGHT ALSO BE THINKING “FINE BUT THIS BITCH DON’T KNOW SHIT”

WRONG MOTHERFUCKER. I FINISHED ALL MY APPRENTICE HOURS TO BECOME A HAIRDRESSER BEFORE QUITTING. MY HAIR HAS BEEN EVER COLOR OF THE FUCKING RAINBOW AND THEN SOME. PERSONAL EXPERIENCE MY FRIEND. MY HAIR IS STILL SOFTER THAN A FUCKING KITTEN.

I HAD MY HAIR BRIGHT-FUCKING-RED FOR A WHILE, AND I GOT CONSTANT REMARKS ABOUT HOW THE COLOR WILL MAKE MY HAIR SHITTY. 

STRANGERS NEED TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND EDUCATE THEIR ASSES!

I DON’T EVEN FUCKING USE SHAMPOO - JUST A DOCTORED UP CONDITIONER! LIKE THE BADASS UP THERE SAID, LEAVING CONDITIONER IN YOUR HAIR MAKES IT SO DAMN SOFT ITS RIDICULOUS. 

SHAMPOO ALSO THROWS THE PH OF YOUR HAIR OFF! YOUR SCALP IS SUPPOSED TO BE MILDLY ACIDIC, AND THOSE DETERGENTS STRIP OFF THE REPAIRING OILS *AND* MAKES IT BASIC! 

YOU DON’T WANT BASIC-ASS HAIR! 

SO I TOSS A FEW TABLESPOONS OF LEMON JUICE INTO MY CONDITIONER BOTTLE, SHAKE IT UP, SLATHER SOME ON MY HEAD, WASH THE REST OF MY GORGEOUS BODY WHILE THAT SHIT SOAKS IN, THEN RINSE LIKE A BOSS. 

WORRIED ABOUT NOT BEING ‘CLEAN?’ FORGET IT! CONDITIONER + LEMON JUICE WORKS JUST AS WELL, LIFTING DIRT AND SWEATY SKIN CELLS OUT OF YOUR GLORIOUS MANE. 

NO NEED FOR EXPENSIVE SHAMPOOS OR SALON CONDITIONER - THE 3-DOLLAR ‘SUAVE’ OR WHATEVER GENERIC-ASS CONDITIONER YOU WANT WILL WORK JUST AS WELL! (actually, the cheaper the better - cheap conditioners tend not to have silicones added, which weighs your hair down, and needs strong detergents to strip out, continuing the cycle of expensive products.)

SO YEAH! CANDY COLORED DYE + CHEAP CONDITIONER + LEMON JUICE - SHAMPOO = GLORIOUS, PUPPY-SOFT HAIR AND LESS DANDRUFF FROM AN UNHAPPY SCALP! 

*I also add two drops of mint and rosemary essential oils to my shampoo, along with the lemon juice. Those oils repel ticks/fleas/lice AND smell magical together*