Atrius

Luna rested back against him, stretching her legs out a little on the couch. All the time standing and pacing made sitting down a dream come true, allowing her to relax her joints as much as she possibly could. A regular guy would care if it was his or not, while Atrius couldn’t care less. He would raise the kid regardless, be blissfully happy with it even. Which made him an amazing person, the kind of person that she could never fully deserve, but would always strive to regardless. It was stupid though, but since they’d decided to be this weird, undefinable couple, Luna had found herself unable to sleep with many others, and more sensitive when it seemed like he might think she was. In many ways she didn’t want him to think she wanted or needed many others. 

“Don’t really want anyone else.” she said, still a bit court but rolling her eyes a little, most of the annoyance going into that one eye roll, den dissipating. “Yes because I am the ray of sunshine they’d just die to get in bed with.” Sarcasm plain and clear, shaking her head a little but with a smile luring its way from the corner of her lips. It was hard to stay agitated when he looked like he’d won the lottery. “Someone yeah.. god forbid its a girl.. I know nothing about normal girls. Lets hope they get your temper and not mine, otherwise we’ll have a rainstorm on our hands every five minutes.” As her eyes glided around the room, she was silently saying goodbye to this place. The second home she’d ever had, the only place in this town which had felt safe and neutral. “Where do we go?” 

Atreus was never happier than like this, cuddled up with her on the couch. He could only imagine how much happier they could be without both of them always be mangled from gang violence and wondering what would be next. He cuddled closer as she said that she didn’t want anyone else, a small sound of protest forming in his throat as he leaned down to kiss her temple. 

“Aw. I hope it’s a girl.” He admitted in complete contrast to her fear. “You really think our kid is gonna be normal anything?” He asked jokingly, his fingertips teasing the sliver of skin he’d discovered at the edge of her shirt. “Where do you want to go?” He asked quietly, his knuckles nudging the fabric of her shirt higher as he traced the lines of her stomach. “We can go anywhere we want. Just the two of us. We won’t have to answer to anybody.” He murmured happily.

Blinking one too many times released a couple of those traiterous tears, though his response made her laugh, leaning forward to steal a kiss. “Just as crazy as you.” A warm murmur against his lips, a curling smile in the corner of hers. “We’ll get there.” she agreed with a small nod, believing every word he was saying. Her body was finally releasing some of that tension though, allowing her to relax, her mind to start settle more on what was actually happening, slowly letting go of some of the panic from before. Could she believe they were going to be parents? Have a family? No. It still seemed surreal. And early. Whenever she pictured herself stepping into the role as a mother, she was older, less prone to idiocy, to mistakes and recklessness. Yet here they were. “I didn’t think we’d get one so fast.. I mean I always knew I wanted this with you I just never saw us getting there anytime soon.” she confessed, compliantly walking over to the couch. 

It had been a long time since they’d been hanging out like this. All the damn friction lately with her injury and the latest fits of jealousy. Maybe this was what they needed to put things in perspective. To make better choices and do better in general. Course there would be a lot happening along the way, Luna knew neither of them were perfect and that imperfection was part of what she loved. But they’d have each other. 

Leaning against him she was resting her temple agsint his forehead, one hundred percent relaxed and warm, beginning to feel almost drowsy now that the worst of the fear was giving her a break, the tension momentarily ebbing. The question however had her sitting more upright, cocking an eyebrow. Did she think it was his? A flash of annoyance came and went, mainly because she pushed it down, forcing herself to take a deep, long breath. “Of course its yours you moron… Jack and I use condoms, every damn time, and besides I’ve slept with him like once last month. Early last month. There is no way its anyone but yours.” Her words final and a little steely, as she pressed her lips together, still counting to ten, but this time, failing. “Just how many guys do you think I’m sleeping with??!” 

Atrius leaned back as she did but he kept his arms around her, staring as he waited for her response. He couldn’t tell what she was thinking, assuming she knew him well enough to know that he didn’t care if it was his or not. He braced himself as he saw her agitation, knowing her well enough to realize that she was trying not to lose her cool with him. 

“I dunno. However many you want.” He shrugged. “I can’t imagine any guy saying no to you, so...” He couldn’t help the stupid grin on his face, kind of thrilled by the idea of it being his. He sat up straighter suddenly, his arms tightening around her. “That is so cool. Making something with you, I mean. Someone. I hope they get your smarts.” He admitted, struggling to contain his excitement. It was almost too much to process. The idea of getting out of London and away from the gangs. The idea of getting to start over again with her. All of it.

Having a deep sigh she was more than grateful for being held right then, pretty sure she would have needed a damned chair otherwise, once more battling tears. It tore at her heart, hearing and watching him trying to make this choice into a compromise, into something temporary instead of a clean break. It wasn’t possible though. If anything Luna suspected that it would be worse once the baby actually came. There was no way she could ever leave it or him behind. She might be a notorious adrenaline addict. She might not know how to live a sane, normal, non-criminal life, but she would learn. She had to. Raising her gaze to stare into thise all to pretty blue eyes of his, she shook her head, softly, a very small movement. “If you think I’m leaving you and our baby then you are crazy. I won’t do that. And there’s no compromising on this, its one or the other. But I never said that I won’t or can’t be happy elsewhere. You know what I am certain of? I’d be miserable without you. You won’t let me down, you never have.” She held on tight to him, needing the support, aware that she was demanding too much, she always managed to somehow. “I know we don’t normally do this, ask each other to give up stuff.. mainly because it sucks, and its going to hurt for a while, but.. Atrius I love you more than anyone or anything else. As long as we’re together, I’ll be happy.” Her tone sure and calmer than before. She would miss this life, she would miss her friends and adopted family, but she would get past that.

Atrius’ felt something crumble within him as she looked up at him, the tears standing in her eyes pulling at his heartstrings. “You are crazy, babe.” He teased, a small smile pulling at his lips. “You’re right, though. I’m not going to let you down. I won’t stop until I find a way that you and our baby can be happy and safe. Both of you.” He promised her, holding onto her as tightly as she was clinging to him. “I love you too. We’re gonna... We’ll be a family, Lu. Can you imagine that? I would give up just about anything to have that with you.” He murmured, letting go of her only to pull her towards the couch with him.

 He sat down and gently pulled her into his lap, needing time to process everything that was happening. His mind was racing with the prospect of what it might be like. With her assurance that they would make it work the reality of it all was starting to settle in, his pulse racing at the thought of an actual future away from all of this. It was something that he had always wanted but often feared would never actually come to pass. He cuddled her in his lap, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. Reality would probably shift towards panic at some point but for now he was ecstatically happy at the idea of getting to start over with her again. 

A thought occurred to him as his mind buzzed with thoughts, his eyes widening a little as he leaned away to look at her. “Do you- Do you think it’s mine? Or...Jack’s? Or somebody else’s?” He honestly had no idea if she was sleeping with dudes other than him and Jack, wondering if she had even thought about who the biological father was. It wasn’t that Atrius would care so much as he would feel wrong about  it being someone else’s child without them being aware of it. He was confident that any baby of Luna’s would win his heart, regardless of who the father was.

It didn’t take a genius to see that this was a different sort of battle for him. While it might be a familiar one, convincing her to do something she didn’t agree with or necessarily want to do. It was really unfair and immature to put him in that position yet she had. Standing very still the only part of her moving was her teeth gnawing against her bottom lip, cutting trough skin, tasting blood. Truthfully all she wanted to do was to put both hands over her ears, to not hear it because of course he was right. Raising a kid here would be selfish and irresponsible and unkind. Risking their lives or the kids life every day. Hearing it all that quiet desperation was still there, wanting to poke holes in his argument, come up with rebuttals, disagree until she was blue in the face. But he was asking her to put their kid first. To put them first, before anything else. And she couldn’t say no. “Fine… we’ll pack and go.” she said, her tone low and defeated. At the moment refusing to look at him, scared the look in her own eyes would hurt him, making him feel as if he was forcing her when in reality he was just being the damned voice of reason. As for her dreams, it had nothing to do with not trusting him and everything to do with making new ones. Given a career path, not necessarily the rest. “Doesn’t have shit to do with trusting you. I do, you should know I do.” She shook her head a little. “Its.. lets just table that for now.” She was not going to buy into the ‘its all gonna work itself out’. She was far too much of a realist for that. But one issue at a time. If they were to get out of here, they better get a car, with a decent flatbed for her bike.

Atrius could sense the defeat in her, his own resolve faltering because he knew that deep down this wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to stay. She wanted to make things work here rather than risk trying to move on. Some part of him wanted to suggest compromise or postpone, desperate to put her mind at ease. He couldn’t bring himself to do it though, too afraid of what a compromise might mean for them. If this didn’t push them to get free he feared that they never would, his chest tightening with fear at the thought. 

“Hey,” He let his hands drop to gather her in his arms around, pulling her body flush against his own as he cradled her back. “Just give me the pregnancy, okay? Tell your people that you need maternity leave. You wouldn’t be able to work anyway.” He insisted, clinging to the hope of striking a deal for a trial period. “If we haven’t figured it out by the time that the baby is here, we’ll... we can figure out what works best for us then. Worst case scenario, I can stay with the baby if you need to come back to this. I’m not- I can’t ask you to give up what makes you happy. Just give me a chance to prove to you that we can find happiness without all of this danger.” He persisted, nuzzling his face against hers before pulling back to look at. “It’s just a few months, huh? Not even a year. Just consider it an extended vacation. Give me a chance to show you and if I let you down you can just come back.” 

Had Luna not been overwhelmed with her own emotions, she would have wondered why Atrius was suppressing his. In small bursts her mind would take her there, remind her that this experience and everything that came with it was his just as much as it was hers. But it was hard to turn the tables, to be the one to give support and comfort when he was not showing or giving her an indication that he needed that from her in this very moment in time. 

She did catch the meaning of his eyes, always so expressive. Telling her that she was crazy to believe they could raise a kid here, that London could ever be safe. He didn’t see what she saw, and they were built differently, had taken different roles with their gangs. She was a fighter, a soldier, fiercely loyal and committed. In many ways Atrius was smarter than her. He was less tied to his gang. Where she had formed an emotional connection, his was all about survival and some might say, profit. Where Luna saw her gang as a extended family, a group of people who had helped and supported her for nearly three years, Atrius saw the danger and violence the gangs brought, how they’d both been injured, how they might be pitted against each other, how the gangs were disastrous and brought only blood and pain. Desperately clinging to her own truth Luna tore free, needing distance as a way of denying that he was right. Even though he might be.. “Then just.. leave the Royals. My gang will protect us, my friends will support us and help out.” she said, her brain coming to the conclusion that this might be solved differently. But also panicking because she was realizing that staying wasn’t an option for him, and as stubborn as she was, as loyal as she was, there was no way she would stay behind without him. Back to pacing again she fisted her hands, fighting off the urge to cry, but also the urge to rage and scream. “I don’t think you get it Atrius..” she finally said, looking at him, not hiding how torn and scared she was feeling. “You have a business you can move. Work that doesn’t require schooling because its an art form. The only reason I even have a job is because Devlin owns the garage. I never finished high school, I don’t have a degree in mechanics. If we pack up and leave, I won’t have a job. Not to mention I won’t have a career. I’d be giving all that up.” For our baby. That was the hard truth. Sacrifice.. putting this growing life inside of her ahead of all her own dreams and future plans. 

Who was she if not a mechanic? What would she be if she weren’t to be an assassin? It dawned on her just how much her identity relied on what she did for a living. And it was terrifying, to imagine yourself without those parts. To try to instead imagine who you’d be without them. At the moment Luna saw no other paths, no line of work that made sense. As much as she hated it, she felt a small flash of sympathy for her mother. Who’s to say she hadn’t held her own dreams and wishes before becoming pregnant. The difference was that her mother had left her behind, abandoned her in order to find her own happiness. That was a degree of selfishness that Luna wouldn’t live up to. 

Atrius shook his head as she told him to leave the Royals and let her people look after them both. But both gangs were dying to rip each out other’s throats out and the last thing he wanted was to add to that. He had people that he cared about on both sides, helpless and frustrated by his inability to protect any of them. It was all too big. Too big for him and too big even for Luna. He just wished that he could make her take a hard look at the cold truth, his helplessness swelling as she tried to explain her resistance to leaving with him. 

He turned away to try and rally his thoughts, reaching up to scrub his hands over his face. He breathed a sigh, letting his hands drop before turning back to her. He stepped forward to take her hands in his, pulling her closer. “Luna. I love you. And I promise that we will figure it out. But this world- this world is never going to be safe for us. We will always be looking over our shoulders. We’ll always be running between hospitals and trying to keep each other alive. I don’t... want our to kid to grow up like that. I lost my mom, and you lost your dad. We both know what it’s like to lose a parent to violence. Please don’t put our child through that. Please don’t put us through that. I can’t lose you, Lu. I want to build a life with you. A family. A home.” He let go of her hands to take her face between his hands, his voice quiet but desperate. “If you will just fucking trust me... I won’t let you down. I’m not going to let you flounder out there. You don’t need a gang to have a future. You’re so much more than that. You can make it where ever you go. I know you can. And I’m going to help you. I’m not going to let you give up on your dreams either.”

Luna hid her face against his neck for a moment, feeling a small stab of embarrassment at her reaction, at helplessly crying, not even sure what it was she was crying about right now. Everything. The challenge this would be, the relief at his confirmation, feeling scared and inadequate and lost all at the same time. Becoming a parent would mean sacrifice. Putting their kid before anything else. It would mean a change in dynamic, in their future, in personalities and habits even. While she was by no means ready to be a mom at twenty-four, she figured that the length of the pregnancy might help. At least they had the time to adapt, to consider and get used to the idea. Maybe that time was all they needed. 

She could feel the desperation as much as hear it, her eyes widening with some concern, then clouding over with a mix of confusion and reluctance. “You mean leave?” Luna asked, her mind forced to take another one eighty, a massive turn as she tried to wrap her mind around whatever this was. A suggestion? A demand? A desire? He was telling her he wanted to run. Pack their shit up and skip town, leave the gangs and everything this town held behind. Her lips opening and closing multiple times as she wanted to argue. Her friends were here. Her extended family was here. She was needed here. Turning her back on everyone else felt like such cowardice that she hadn’t considered it, not for a moment. “But.. we can do this here.” She finally managed, hating that even as she said so her words carried some uncertainty, reminded her what positions they were both in with the gangs. 

Atrius hugged her close, rubbing her back in an attempt to comfort her. It was easier to focus on what she must be thinking- what she must be feeling at that moment. His own thoughts and feelings would have to wait. He couldn’t process all of it at once and he just wanted to worry about making sure that she was okay for now. He didn’t feel right even acknowledging his own fears when he considered how scared she must be. 

He stared back at her as she leaned away, his gaze holding hers as she responded. He should have known that Luna would think they could do this without uprooting themselves. His heart sank all over again, wondering how she could even consider that it would be okay with the way that things were now. They had both been hospitalized over the past year for things caused by their affiliations with the gangs, his heart nearly stopping at the idea of anything happening to the tiny little person they’d be bringing into the world. “Luna, please... We can’t do this here. What if- It’s not safe. We’ll never be safe here. You know that. Deep down, you have to know that. Gang wars don’t get better. They get worse. And you and I aren’t caught on a side of that- we’re caught in the middle.” His voice faltered even as he spoke, fully expecting a fight that he didn’t know how to win. He couldn’t understand how she could possibly think that it would be okay- unable to argue something that he struggled to even process from her.

Usually news like these were good. Met with ‘congratulations’ and celebrations. Bringing joy, not paralyzing fear and panic. Not mountains of insecurities you had yet to learn how to conquer. She wasn’t the type to break easily, or to give into fear, or allow herself to cry, but for once Luna knew she was outmatched. Hearing those words out loud broke the final straw of restraint, the outer wall, last piece of control, tears streaming down her face. Folding her arms around his waist she held on, needing that lifeline so badly in this moment, trying to see what he saw, find that same conviction and belief in them that he had. Lately that had been missing for her. It was so painfully clear how much of a mess they were in, being on different sides, both having been hurt as a cause of the violence, neither agreeing on how to best handle it. Taking deep, forced and shallow breaths, attempting to calm down, watching his face intently, listening to every single thing that he was saying, she couldn’t find much to argue with. They’d both had one decent parent each. And they had gotten this far by pure determination. Truthfully, that was all she had needed to hear. That he did want this with her, that he believed it was possible. “We’ll have a family then.” she murmured, all thoughts of flight and abortions falling away, wiped out of her mind as she spoke. He wanted this. She wanted this. It might be early and unplanned and not at all well timed, but she did. “The three of us.” She added, a very small smile on her lips, which she pressed gently to his for a moment. “I love you.” 

Atrius murmured in protest as he saw the tears fill her eyes and roll down her cheeks, his chest aching as he felt tears of his own burning in his eyes. They weren’t ready for any of this. They were just a couple of lost kids that had gotten mixed up in things that they never should have been a part of. He had been taking things to dull the intensifying desire to escape, afraid that Luna would never listen to him if he broached the topic of them turning tail on both their affiliated gangs. This changed things, though. They couldn’t raise a child like this. Their situation was always very uncertain, danger lurking at every corner for them. Things had only become worse lately, it getting to the point where Atrius was beginning to think that they were dealing with as much threat from their own respective gangs as they were each other’s. 

He nodded as she spoke, wanting to cling to her words for the hope that they could get out of this. That they could start over again. He wanted to be free. Free from all the entanglements that threatened their lives constantly. That could threaten the life of their child... 

“I love you too.” He murmured desperately, pressing his nose against hers and kissing her in return. “I want to start over. With you.” He was terrified for her answer, afraid that she would tell him what he feared the most. That she wouldn’t leave. That she never had any intention of turning her back on the Strix.

Yeah she was a dick. But the calmer he seemed the more panicked she got. This was no damn joke, nothing to be shrugged off or fixed with a smoke or some sleep or a really good blow job. Actually, that last one was probably why they were in this situation in the first place. How could she have been so stupid? How the fuck did they manage this!? Luna knew she was irresponsible and reckless with a lot. In fact she had the bad habit of throwing herself into shit without really thinking them trough, never really stopping to consider what she was doing and what the consequences might be. She liked to live life on the edge. She needed that rush of adrenaline, the feel of power with a knife of a gun in her hand, the confidence knowing she could beat anyone who opposed her. She’d happily fight anything or anyone. But this wasn’t something she could fight.. 

Deep down she knew that somewhere on that big obscure board named future, she had wanted a kid. When she was no longer a trainee. When life could be more manageable and stable. Not that life as a criminal was ever stable, she knew far too well from her own experiences. And of course, out of anyone she had, and probably always would want Atrius to be that person she could share that with but any time thoughts like that popped up she just shut them down. Because they had decided to try to be a couple not that long ago, and he had made it very clear that he might not be capable of exclusivity. So what was the point of even contemplating a future when it all seemed to be up in the damn air.. “The fuck if I know! What do you want? Do you want to have a baby with me?” She bluntly asked, hanging onto the question because it seemed to matter more than the others. Why the hell was he so damn calm!? “I don’t.. I don’t know what I want! How the hell is this going to be okay? How are we gonna do this? I never had a mom. I don’t know how to be one.” She bit her lip hard, tears pressing at the corners of her eyes, threatening to spill over. “And why are you so damn calm!? How do you know that we’ll be okay?” Halting as he reached for her, she didn’t pull away this time. Instead her eyes desperately searched his for some answers. 

Atrius’ pulse was hammering in his ears, desperately trying to focus on her panic rather than his own. He was grateful for the fact that he wasn’t entirely sober for this- but at the same time he was ashamed that he had drugs dulling the edge of all this for him. 

He was relieved when she didn’t pull away from him this time, Atrius moving to gather her up in his arms and pull her against him. “I do. I want to have a baby with you.” He murmured earnestly, intently ignoring the screaming voices in his head that were yelling his inadequacies at him. The accusations regarding who he was. An addict. A fucking junkie. He pressed his forehead against Luna’s, his eyes squeezing shut before he leaned back to look at her again finally. “You had a dad, though. And I didn’t have a dad but I did have a mom. We’ll- we’ll make sure that it’s okay. I promise, Lu. I’ll- I’m gonna take care of you. I’ll take care of both of you. We could have a family.” Something in his chest crumbled as the words left his lips, his voice faltering even as he said the word. It was everything that he wanted but had never had the nerve to acknowledge out loud- not even to himself. He knew that he should be panicking. He knew that he should probably be upset. But while the timing of this might have been absurdly bad, the fact still remained that this was something he had wanted for a long time.

She was being selfish. It was a hard habit to break, when you had lived life so long with yourself in mind only, no one else. It was just recently that she had truly begun to question her actions based on what Atrius would feel and think. Not that she had lacked consideration where he was concerned before, but neither of them had asked the other to compromise their independence for each other. Neither had expected the other to. While now.. this she couldn’t do alone. This wasn’t a choice she could make all by herself. While she was tempted to take the easy way out, and didn’t believe he would ask her not to, his opinion mattered. What he might want mattered. Inwardly she cursed the friggin fate for all of this. The timing could not have been worse. Both gangs were waging wars, they were in the middle, she was still mending, he seemed ot be constantly worried. As if they needed another damn thing on their plate. 

Somehow she’d expected more of a ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’ or ‘what the hell’ reaction. As opposed to the borderline sweet and touching concern witch just made her want to shake him. Or yell. Or both because how the hell was he not freaking out!? “Okay? The fuck I’m not! Did you not hear me? We’re pregnant!” she could not help how her voice grew in strength and volume. It was irrational, and it was unfair of her to go off on him like this, but she couldn’t find it in her to swallow or box up any of these feelings. “I should be out there defending my friends but NO, you had to chase me down and make both our damn gangs question either one of us! Not to mention that its fucking impossible not to acknowledge how you’re siding with the lunatics who almost blew me and half of my gang up! And apparently thats not enough because on top of that we’re having a fucking baby! Do you want a baby? Are you ready for a baby? Because I sure as hell am not.” With a grona she stepped away, pacing back and fourth, ignoring the uncomfortable sensation in her hip as she did so. It was sore. Who the fuck cared.. She wanted to punch something, lash out. Release all this anger and fear all at once. Words weren’t enough, didn’t cover everything. 

Atrius flinched when she reacted to his question, his heart skipping a beat. She was right. He should be panicking, his initial impulse returning. His stomach twisted with fear, though some part of him clung to the way that she worded it. We’re pregnant. The moment was short lived as she started yelling at him for chasing her down the other day, his panic turning to confusion and vague indignation as she accused him of siding with the people who had tried to blow her up. As if he had ever intended for that to happen. He hadn’t had the slightest inkling that anything was going down. 

He watched her as she stepped away, with heart pounding too hard. Did he want a baby? He knew the answer to her other question. There was no way that he was ready. She was hopelessly loyal to a gang and he had a drug problem- there was no way they were going to be winning any parents of the year awards. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, feeling solely responsible in that moment. She was so upset. It was hard not to feel that he’d done this to her. “What are we- What do you want to do?” He asked hesitantly, watching her as she paced the small room. “It’s not- Whatever you want. We’re in this together. Luna.” He tried to step in her way, reaching for her shoulders to stop her in her tracks. “I’m not ready. But... we’ll figure this out. I promise. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay.” He insisted.

The bathroom door was locked, the sound of the rooms ventilation coming in like small puffs of air. Or maybe she was making the sound? At this point Luna couldn’t tell. Staring down at the fourth test she had taken, all smuggled in, all used in the past hour, she chucked the damned stick across the room, biting back the scream of panic that was itching to creep its way out of her mouth. Part of her felt numb. It was like watching yourself from above, as if you were in some silly tv show, doing just what those pathetic girls in those shows always did. Hook up, with no thoughts to the consequences, without taking a damn pill or using condoms or taking the morning after one. For a second, she wondered if this was how her mother had felt like when she realized she was pregnant. When she realized she was going to have a baby in nine months time. The difference was that her mother had never really seemed to love her father. And her mother had left. She would never do that to her kid. Never do that to Atrius. No matter how angry or frustrated she got. Sinking down on the toilet seat, now closed, she breathed heavily, hands running trough her loose raven black hair, the strands having almost covered her face. Not surprisingly, her mind was already looking for a way out. An escape. We’re not ready for this. We’re too young, the timings all fucked, we can’t do this.. we’re not meant to do this.. I can just get rid of it. He doesn’t need to know, this will just hurt him.. but won’t that hurt him more? A rap on the door made her jump, breaking her out of her reverie. “I’ll be right out!” she half shouted, ignoring whatever it was that he was saying. Probably asking. Worrying.. Eyes locked on the sticks on the floor. Her hand shaking as she picked them up, one by one. 

Gripping the pregnancy tests Luna unlocked the bathroom door, robotically steering her body into the kitchen, not fully able to meet those searching blue eyes. Instead she dumped the tests on the kitchen counter. “I’m pregnant..” 

He stepped away as she said that she would be right out, willing himself to trust her for fear of upsetting her otherwise. He walked to the kitchen, filling a glass of water at the sink and glancing towards the bathroom door every few moments, wondering if it was too soon to go check on her again.

He tried to act casual as she emerged, knowing that she got frustrated with him for worrying so much sometimes. He didn’t begrudge her independence, knowing that it was something they both valued. It was just hard since the bombing, Atrius feeling as though the only things keeping him together were the prescriptions he was still taking despite being long past the point that any respectable doctor would be prescribing him these doses. “Are you-” He was going to ask he if she was okay but her words caught him off guard, the glass in his hand suddenly feeling much heavier than it should have. His gaze fell to the tests that she dropped on the counter, the sound of them clattering against the countertop ringing in his ears. “Are you... Shit, Lu.” He couldn’t seem to form thoughts, his head feeling light and airy as he looked up at her again. His concern returned in spades, his hand reaching to set the glass aside as he stepped closer towards her. “Are you okay?” He asked worriedly, able to focus on that rather than anything else. He touched her arm, his other hand reaching to touch the side of her face lightly. 

He arrived on the scene, hugging the walls and nearly leaping out of his skin every time he heard a gunshot. He was terrified, motivated only by the fact that he cared more about her than he did his own safety. “Luna!” He yelped as she appeared around the corner, knife held threateningly towards him. “Stop. Why are you here?” He asked desperately, his hands shaking as he held them in front of him.

Hearing the worry in his voice, she knew she was wrong to smile, but could not help it. “Hey. I’m good. Would you come up to the roof?” she asked instead of stating that was where she was. He would probably come racing up here imagining all sorts of scenarios lest she added something. “Its kind of a special day you know.” She therefore added with warmth in her voice, still smiling though he could not see it yet. A part of her was nervous. There was a sense of doing something new, something untested today. Maybe because on every other birthday they had just been best friends celebrating. Now that there was this newfound seriousness to their relationship, the knowledge that everything tended to carry heavier weight than before, she desperately wanted to get things right.

Atrius didn’t believe her right away, knowing that his own and Luna’s idea of what could be considered “fine” didn’t always match up. He relaxed a little as she asked him to come up to the roof though, grabbing a pack of cigarettes off the table and heading for the door. “I’m on my way.” He told her as he started up the stairs, pausing as she spoke again. He wasn’t sure how to reply at first. Normally he was the type to insist on everyone making a huge deal out of his birthday, unwilling to let anyone shirk showering him with attention on the anniversary of his birth. This year was different though. He wasn’t in a great headspace, still somewhat hungover from the fear of losing the people closest to him in the explosion. And he was resolutely ignoring the fact that he was still dosing himself without a real prescription or the supervision of a doctor, warping Adrian’s words of advice in his own mind. 

He struggled to force any sound past the tightness that had formed in his throat, clearing his throat as he reached for the door handle that led to the roof. The clouds in his mind cleared the moment that he saw her there on the roof, surrounded by the things that she’d put together for his birthday. His own face mirrored her smile as he lowered the phone from his ear. He pocketed the phone and crossed the roof to where she was, carefully wrapping his arms around her and leaning down to kiss her. He only broke away to press his forehead against hers, his chest tight with emotions. “You’re supposed to be taking it easy.” He reminded her, a total lack of sincerity in his gentle scolding.