from atop the hill of broken glass

I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea

FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES! 

and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section. 

This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious. 

that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for 

oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!

they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism

wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds? 

THE WRENCH! 

now that is a fucking slogan

one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES. 

sex toy or vulcan starship? 

OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN! 

this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.

In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing

I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design

sometimes all I can say is “what”

is this vaporwave?

I don’t think that’s how that works

your strawberries will never be safe

finally, the first robot that can eat a flan! 

(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)

finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards! 

"We used to be a paid service without ads, but now we're putting ads in it! If you want the ad-free version you have to pay more for preeeeemium": Fuck you fuck you fuck you

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gentrification is when trash goes in trash cans