He doesnāt know when the instinct to tell the boy not to cry formed. Worse even, it happened without his notice.
āIām really sorry,ā Occtis whispers.
āItās not your fault,ā Julien says.
As if run through, Occtis cries out and keels over.
ā On the road to the Golden Orchard, after the second-worst week of their lives, Occtis and Julien play stupid games.
Chapter: 3/5
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (AramƔn)
Ship: Julien Davinos/Occtis Tachonis
Word Count: 14,450
Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Forced Proximity, Road Trip, Sharing a Bed, POV Julien Davinos, Character Study, Mutual Pining, Denial of Feelings, Bonding, Question Games, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Substance Abuse, First Time, Sex Experiments, Undernegotiated Kink
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
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WIDOGAST: We were trying as hard as we could to keep the band in one piece. There was a sanctity to our lineup. If something compromised it and forced one member to leave, the dam would break open and the rest of us could step out without having to be the first one to do so. Obviously we all had our own grievances, however small, and the idea of leaving the group had floated by my mind early on. But we had attached ourselves so intrinsically to each other that breaking up seemed as terrifying and painful as death itself.
Chapter: 11/30
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (Exandria)
Ship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, implied Blumenshadow
Word Count: 81,277
Tags: Epistolary, Oral History, Inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six, Rockstar AU, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Political Intrigue, Court Drama, Drug Addiction, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Underage Sexual Abuse, Warning: Trent Ikithon, Mental Illness, Verse Caleb Widogast, Verse Essek Thelyss
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
āYou know what? Nevermind. Itās not worth it.ā Occtis starts folding himself into bed, prompting Julien to sit up, aggravated by the principle of the thing.
āJust ask me the fucking question.ā
āI donāt just want to ask one, I want toāghādo you know how a conversation works?ā
āYou want to get to know me?ā Julien says with horror.
ā On the road to the Golden Orchard, after the second-worst week of their lives, Occtis and Julien play stupid games.
Chapter: 2/5
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (AramƔn)
Ship: Julien Davinos/Occtis Tachonis
Word Count: 10,281
Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Forced Proximity, Road Trip, Sharing a Bed, POV Julien Davinos, Character Study, Mutual Pining, Denial of Feelings, Bonding, Question Games, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Substance Abuse, First Time, Sex Experiments, Undernegotiated Kink
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
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āYou know what? Nevermind. Itās not worth it.ā Occtis starts folding himself into bed, prompting Julien to sit up, aggravated by the principle of the thing.
āJust ask me the fucking question.ā
āI donāt just want to ask one, I want toāghādo you know how a conversation works?ā
āYou want to get to know me?ā Julien says with horror.
ā On the road to the Golden Orchard, after the second-worst week of their lives, Occtis and Julien play stupid games.
Chapter: 1/5
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (AramƔn)
Ship: Julien Davinos/Occtis Tachonis
Word Count: 4,766
Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Forced Proximity, Road Trip, Sharing a Bed, POV Julien Davinos, Character Study, Mutual Pining, Denial of Feelings, Bonding, Question Games, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Substance Abuse, First Time, Sex Experiments, Undernegotiated Kink
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
VETH: It was a few months after Kingsley had relapsed. Everyone was walking on eggshells, relationships were getting crossed and jumbled like clotheslines in a storm, me included. And, listenāI love Caleb with my whole heart, no matter what we are to each other, but back then, I was kind of split between my rock star life and my family, and Caleb was a part of that. Itās nothing that I havenāt said before in other interviews, but basically, I had a thing for him that I really needed to get rid of so I could stop feeling like I was stepping out on Yeza. So I slept with Fjord.
INTERVIEWER: Math checks out.
VETH: Shut up. Yeza was an angel about it, and Fjordās just not a threat in general, so it was fine. Meanwhile, Fjord was in love with Jester but was fucking Kingsley and Caleb about it, and Caleb was trying to fuck Essek, who we were all fucking pissed at, so he was fucking Fjord and Kingsley as emotional surrogates. Both you and Caleb had a thing for Jester but wouldnāt compete with Fjord or each other. Calebās exes were showing up on the charts again, so he was as sad as he was horny. And then you were trying to fuck Yasha and Yasha was trying to fuck you but somehow neither of you got the signal, so you just kinda shuffled around each other like you both were trying to parallel-park a minivan in the same spot. Marion was going crazy trying to keep it all straight.
CADUCEUS: I didnāt want any part of that mess. I just made tea and tried to counsel people.
Chapter: 10/30
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (Exandria)
Ship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, implied Blumenshadow
Word Count: 75,601
Tags: Epistolary, Oral History, Inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six, Rockstar AU, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Political Intrigue, Court Drama, Drug Addiction, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Underage Sexual Abuse, Warning: Trent Ikithon, Mental Illness, Verse Caleb Widogast, Verse Essek Thelyss
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
re my lovely mutual's opsec post there are some great comments and tags and you should go read them but I think the most big, obvious takeaway is that Thjazi was not being a withholding asshole who kept everyone in the dark for the sake of being a withholding asshole who kept everyone in the dark. He was part of a clandestine organization that was using the work of the Sundered Houses and House Tachonis in particular to try to address massive cosmological issues that, crucially, House Tachonis does not want addressed. The letter is in coded language - and crucially, it's not in a cipher (like the one Murray easily cracks) but rather uses oblique references that are difficult to understand if you don't already have the context, which most people only have because they have direct connections to Thjazi or to the things he was working on.
That doesn't mean that, for example, Hal is wrong to be frustrated and angry about this. But the directly stated framing for his anger about the paint in the Hallowed Round is specifically that the grief is really hitting him hard that night, and the barely subtextual implication is that he is grappling with the choices he had made that meant he was kept clear of all of Thjazi's dealings and which meant the last decade of his brother's life was one he was not particularly privy to. That is an incredibly emotionally complex statement that is ultimately about Hal's feelings about himself and his relationship with Thjazi than who Thjazi was. The idea that Thjazi was leaving an elaborate mess behind for everyone else out of carelessness, recklessness, or stupidity is simply untrue, and Mara makes it clear that he was simply captured at a very unfortunate time. [and, to be blunt, on a meta level that is the entire premise of the campaign, that Thjazi was killed for many reasons but one was that Primus Tachonis hoped this would reveal a plan the Cloak had otherwise kept fairly well hidden.]
#right! exactly #characters feel the way they do about Thjazi not telling them #and Hal feels the way he did because he's forced to confront that his choices meant that he was not part of Thjazi's inner circle #through Hal's own choices! that his brother is dead and he suddenly learns and understands he was kept out of that brother's life's work #by NECESSITY because Hal chose not to be in Thjazi's confidence #Thjazi didn't withhold information from those in his personal life out of pride or ego or stupidity or solipsism or lack of forethought #neither are his plans only working now due to dumb unskilled luck nor was he forging forward only on the momentum of impulsive inspiration #Thjazi was a member of a secret organization working a clandestine operation. Everyone's safety depends on staying quiet. #The reason this operation continued for at minimum six years is because its members were discerning. #(Loose lips sink ships and it works the same for bridges.) #the question for especially Hal is: why did he feel I couldn't be trusted that way? why did he feel I needed to be kept at arm's length? #Thjazi and Mara are spies. The Professor is a spy. Teor is right to term Cyd a spy. #And it's right (in the story sense) for many characters to feel frustrated they were left out or not trusted. #That they are frustrated they have to decipher a spy's coded notes and find his hidden network while the timer counts down. #The truth is however this level of secrecy is required to protect not only the plan but also the network and the people outside of it. #And Thjazi didn't leave behind a mess per se. He left a work in progress that only those in his network knew the blueprints for. #And our protagonists are not part of his network. That's the story. The story is they're piecing together a well-hidden plan. #If the plan was easy to understand from Thjazi relaying 15 seconds of final words it would be also that easy for the Tachonis to uncover. #This man was in the business of espionage. There was a plan and intention and steps. Hidden intentionally to protect it. #A tapestry often looks messy from the reverse side. <- @captainofthetidesbreathās tags.
WIDOGAST: The time away from himā¦ He had his reasons, but it still felt as though all of our forgiveness had been dismissed. āThank you for not turning me in to the Augen Trust, that is very kind of you. Here is the evidence of my gratitude: I am not going to pick up your calls or answer your texts for two calendar months.ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā When he did finally reach out, it was cold and perfunctory. On his terms, on his playing field, as if he still could not bring himself to trust us. What were we supposed to think? After everything he did? After all that we were willing to overlook? Who did he think he was?
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā My heart was twisting itself into knots and nothing I did could make it stop. It was painful to even think of him. Avoidance was a balm. I would put myself to bed then awaken in a lake of sweat, having dreamt of him. My emotions were muddled, but one would always eventually surface above the others: sometimes terror, sometimes lust, sometimes a yearning so huge and slow I felt like it would take my soul.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā He thought he was doing a noble thing. I saw only cowardice. We were this close to ruination. I convinced myself that it was better for the both of us to forget each other, but I couldnāt very well do that when his face was on the only brand of chalk worth using.
Chapter: 9/30
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (Exandria)
Ship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, implied Blumenshadow
Word Count: 69,781
Tags: Epistolary, Oral History, Inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six, Rockstar AU, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Political Intrigue, Court Drama, Drug Addiction, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Underage Sexual Abuse, Warning: Trent Ikithon, Mental Illness, Verse Caleb Widogast, Verse Essek Thelyss
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Rules: Share your top 3 fics by either hits or kudos, followed by top 3 fics by personal favorite (and share where they do or donāt line up!)
Popular:
Of Course It Would Work AKA the wizards sleep and talk after T-Dock and Essek learns more about Calebās past
This one's consistently been my most kudosed fic since I posted it! I'm near the end of my c2 relisten and the nostalgia of writing this one in particular has been kicking in.
I Lean In and Kiss Him [Right Here] AKA five times Caleb kisses Essek and one time Essek kisses him back
Caleb POV! While not my first attempt at writing from Caleb's POV for TS, this was my most ambitious at the time: tracking his mindset through several days rather than for a single scene.
Something Old, Something New AKA the wizards play a game, test out a new 8th-level spell, and have a nice chat
My first Big fic in terms of both word count and concept. At the time of writing, it felt like I had opened a door I didn't even know existed and I'm glad to have finished and shared it!
I sorted these by kudos and, unsurprisingly, all my most popular fics are focused on shadowgast xD They're also all on the longer side of my usual works (>5k) and are all multichaps. In terms of content, all three of these include a scene of one wizard comforting the other in a moment of distress (and its immediate aftermath) and they all (mostly) take place in the tower. Thematically, all three revolve around Caleb and Essek having their own wizardly versions of define-the-relationship conversations (an ongoing process for the entirety of TS, really xD).
Faves:
Eyes So Blue and Hair So Grown AKA the Xhorhas kids talk about talking about love
I've been revisiting this one a lot as of late for my Undercommon project. Though they didn't have much direct interaction during the campaign, the moments Yasha and Essek do share live in my heart and I love imagining how their friendship may grow after the campaign. Yasha and Essek can both be so awkward independently and it's so fun to play with how that awkwardness could become earnestness when they're together.
For You, I'd Bleed Myself Dry AKA the wizards spend a moment together on one Nicodranas night and neither quite says goodbye
I am so so incredibly fond of this one :D Between the heavy-handed scene setting and Essek's attempts to lift Caleb's mood at the start to Essek's clumsy sincerity and shift of footing later, this snapshot of Caleb and Essek's early dynamic in TS is always a fun reread :3
The Bluebottle Thrower AKA Essek and Jester hang out at the seaside and play a little game while they're there
I love Jester and TS!Essek loves her too. He hasn't seen her development over the course of the campaign in detail and I find it compelling to imagine the ways he may idealize her on his way to actually understanding her as a person.
My favorites shift around frequently, so these three are the first to come to mind. These ones have some of my absolute favorite lines and I just love writing TS!Essek's tentative tension around touch (say that 5 times fast xD). All of these involve the characters playing in one regard or another as well as featuring TS!Essek realizing a thing or two about himself along the way :3
Fics based on Movies, Books and TV Shows: A Shadowgast Rec List
This week we have fics based on and inspired by different media! Check under the cut for five fics that take inspiration from other media- and don't forget to comment and kudos if you enjoy!
some things time canāt fix by Chrome (25930, Mature)
Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
A daemon au where the dynasty severs the daemons of anyone found guilty of treason. Essek has been tried and found guiltyā¦
Reccer says: So beautifully written and tender! One of my absolute favourites Iāve read it so many times and just love the authors choice of everyoneās daemons and again just so so beautiful.
obedience by dawl_and_dapple (20751, Explicit)
Reccer's Content Notes: None
Inspired by Ella Enchanted but set in campaign canon where Essek is given the curse of obedience
Reccer says: It was a very fun read, even though Essek does spend the majority of it quietly suffering.
Sufficiently Advanced Magic by SaltCore (5880, General)
Reccer's Content Notes: No Content Notes
A necromancer, her cavalier, and two Starfleet officers walk into a wizardās living room. It takes a little bit of work, but cooperation gets them walking out again.
Reccer says: The chaos of this crossover is just perfect, I love how all the characters interact.
run in the shadows by atlasarcana (55802, Explicit)
Reccer's Content Notes: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Drug Addiction, Themes of Mental Illness and Suicide
An epistolary retelling of the Mighty Nein as a rock band with Essek as a rockstar, based on the novel/show Daisy Jones & the Six
Reccer says: The way this fic is structured and written is so sick. Everyone's voices in the interview entries are so accurate, there's so much drama in the Expose style of storytelling, the music industry details and legal stuff adds so much depth to the worldbuilding. Really interesting plot adaptation of the campaign as well
The bird, the egg, the cage by Rnelody (35394, Mature)
Reccer's Content Notes: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Rape/Non-con, Underage, Dubcon/Consensual Non Consent, Pregnancy (specify who is pregnant in 'other'), Domestic Abuse, Essek
Based on the book, and movie, Room. Essek is trapped by Ludinus Daāleth.
Reccer says: Enthralling, with lots of darker moments. Itās ongoing, and Iām on the edge of my seat waiting to see what will happen whenever thereās an update.
This is one of our weekly communally-generated shadowgast rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation.Ā
And hey, anyone includes you!
Next week, we'll be featuring fics about and involving gardening!
Any fics coming to mind? Well, then use this form to submit!
VETH: He left your earshot, but youād heard something. You told Caleb to send over Frumpkin.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā He refused at first, but then you told him that youād heard Essek mention Trentās name.
INTERVIEWER: Iām going to ask you to relay what you heard verbatim. I know you still remember.
WIDOGAST: (He sighs.)
Chapter: 8/30
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (Exandria)
Ship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, implied Blumenshadow
Word Count: 61,522
Tags: Epistolary, Oral History, Inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six, Rockstar AU, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Political Intrigue, Court Drama, Drug Addiction, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Underage Sexual Abuse, Warning: Trent Ikithon, Mental Illness, Verse Caleb Widogast, Verse Essek Thelyss
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
VETH: He left your earshot, but youād heard something. You told Caleb to send over Frumpkin.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā He refused at first, but then you told him that youād heard Essek mention Trentās name.
INTERVIEWER: Iām going to ask you to relay what you heard verbatim. I know you still remember.
WIDOGAST: (He sighs.)
Chapter: 8/30
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (Exandria)
Ship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, implied Blumenshadow
Word Count: 61,522
Tags: Epistolary, Oral History, Inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six, Rockstar AU, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Political Intrigue, Court Drama, Drug Addiction, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Underage Sexual Abuse, Warning: Trent Ikithon, Mental Illness, Verse Caleb Widogast, Verse Essek Thelyss
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
VETH: It was an important song to me. I have a kid. I kept seeing pictures of those ruined houses, the razed fields around Ashguard. Thereās one with a hobby horse left in the middle of the street. Like some kid saw the infantrymen cresting overhill and dropped everything to run screaming. Itāsāitās justāIāve already run for my life before. Iāve done the refugee thing. Itās the worst thing you can ever subject a family to. Itās evil. It poisons you with fear, makes you quiet and frozen. Nobody should ever have to be that afraid. Especially not children. Not kids in their houses, not teenagers who think theyāre signing on for glory. No one. Thatās what I think.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā No one cares what I think, though. No one likes listening to goblins or mothers or screechy little opinionated women, so I said, āOkay,ā and made a choir scream with me over and over again until my voice tore apart.
THELYSS: I only regret that, by intrinsically connecting me with that track, it became loaded with weight and controversy later on.
Chapter: 7/30
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (Exandria)
Ship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, implied Blumenshadow
Word Count: 55,802
Tags: Epistolary, Oral History, Inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six, Rockstar AU, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Political Intrigue, Court Drama, Drug Addiction, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Underage Sexual Abuse, Warning: Trent Ikithon, Mental Illness, Verse Caleb Widogast, Verse Essek Thelyss
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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FJORD: I donāt need to be the one to tell you that Essek wasnāt interested in throwing his life into any more chaos than necessary. Especially not for romance. Those public outings we had were for increasing camaraderie and morale. We in the Nein, we always felt a little isolated from other acts, and Essek probably felt even moreso. I wonāt mince words: our companionship was honest, but it was also strategic. We were already positioned outside of the favor of half of the Empireās media houses; we needed allies.
VETH: Granted, we didnāt know the ally we chose was the guy who invented the deadliest weapon of war since the explosive arrow, but beggars canāt be choosers.
Chapter: 6/30
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (Exandria)
Ship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, implied Blumenshadow
Word Count: 47,326
Tags: Epistolary, Oral History, Inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six, Rockstar AU, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Political Intrigue, Court Drama, Drug Addiction, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Underage Sexual Abuse, Warning: Trent Ikithon, Mental Illness, Verse Caleb Widogast, Verse Essek Thelyss
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
INTERVIEWER: Would you ever return to a career in intelligence?
THELYSS: (He laughs.) In short, no.
INTERVIEWER: In long?
THELYSS: Inā¦ long, intelligence arms like the Lens are businesses. They are bureaucratic entities whose funding increases or decreases on the perception, public or private, of their needing to exist. They are vested in the continuation of security deficits, destabilization, competitive enterprise, what have you, in order to receive the funding necessary to expand and self-justify. Intelligence will be shoved under the rug if itās not what the customer wants to hear. Itās a sham of an industry, and anyone with the knowledge to actually act in it has to answer to the Bright Queen and her cabinet regardless; and when I learned so, I suddenly became very interested in knowing what the fuck I was there for.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Of course, Iāve heard speculation that my very presence in the music industry is a psychological operation backed by the Lens to promoteā¦ I donāt know what, exactly; maybe D-Music in general, or perhaps skin-tight leather pants. To that, I say, good grief. What I would have given to receive a fraction of that funding. Itās too bad Iām not some sniveling mink; I would have made a fortune running back to my masters.
Chapter: 5/30
Rating: E
Fandom: Critical Role (Exandria)
Ship: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, implied Blumenshadow
Word Count: 39,796
Tags: Epistolary, Oral History, Inspired by Daisy Jones & The Six, Rockstar AU, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Political Intrigue, Court Drama, Drug Addiction, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied Underage Sexual Abuse, Warning: Trent Ikithon, Mental Illness, Verse Caleb Widogast, Verse Essek Thelyss
Content warnings for the fic are described in the tags and elaborated in the Authorās Note.
