- Italo Calvino, ‘If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler’ trans. William Weaver

How many times do our words become cells? How do we remove those splinters of memory and remain ourselves?”

- Richard Jackson, ‘Belief’ Out of Place

- Jonas Mekas, ‘As I Was Moving Ahead Occasionally I Saw Brief Glimpses of Beauty’ (2000)

I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we are all defined by something we can’t change.

- Simon Van Booy, The Illusion of Separateness

Once we were happy, we had no memories.

I remember writing an oath to become extraordinary and wonderful. I must become something great i always thought without noticing. I must do something, I must change the world. and here I am I found out becoming ordinary is greater than being great. I spend my days trying to find out what would be my salvation. What could make me live? A love, a destiny? Should I become a hero? If i am interesting enough i could live.

Then i noticed, i am already alive. I am right here. What was it that I thought I was dead? I learned Murakami wrote in English before he published anything. I noticed I must speak. Not just writing, living me. Living me, being me. I noticed THAT is the great deal. Just to live. Simply. And i try to live simply.

I like to see people without shame. I like to watch them as they pour their soul without a filter. One doesn’t need to check if they fit or not. They don’t need to see if they are amiable. They don’t measure the reactions they would get. I like to see people being just themselves. I watch people who are free from themselves as i long their freedom, want it, need it.

I keep a record of what does an ordinary person do. an ordinary person has a job. An ordinary person would email somewhere if necessary. An ordinary person would go to sleep quickly. An ordinary person eats a breakfast.

So I got a job. At a second-hand clothing shop. I didn’t know what they have sold beforehand. I went there in a hurry since I heard about it the day before. Someone from my college (who had gratuated) was looking for a worker. It was such a lovely shop,  interesting clothes with a colorful interior design. They had cute decorations everywhere and lots of bags and ties and shoes. At my first day, since it is spring and summer is ahead we tried to get rid of all cosy clothing. We kept folding and folding and folding the three of us. My manager, the girl from my college and me. When i returned home and closed my eyes to sleep I kept seeing us folding and folding still.