my moon;

bodies always feel cold on me but you are a flare burning against my skin, turning red before my eyes, leaving everything else in a shadow, i am here, i am a signal, i am a beacon for you, here to bring you home safely before you move on to your next destination,  you are a wanderer, and i am grounded, down on earth, always unworthy, but you paint me with gentle strokes, it feels comforting, i feel immortal, then you leave, you have stars to walk on, worlds to build, i have nothing, so i thank you for your stay, we were never an adventure, i was your only resource.

i can still taste the iron in my mouth from our last kiss, flowers are growing out of where you lay, our bed, still warm, the room is ice cold, the poison from your footsteps leading to the door your touch stings, it's the contrast, how a tornado is formed your scent lingers, that distinct perfume that everyone wears, the one that fills up a room as soon as you walk in, the one that you can't get out long after they're gone, the one you rename after them, changing history with one glance, the one you're clung too, her shirt against your nose, put me to rest, relocate me.

MY S U N,  M O O N   &  S T A R S

yours is not the only name i know but it is the one i repeat every so often, always stressing the last syllable like your mother poured more letters into you than her love, and the way the back of your head fits into my palm makes me believe we were made to be like this, as i cup you in my hand i feel lost in time, and want us to stay untouched by history, never want to stop this; and touching you and feeling so right and so rescued when i look in your eyes, your expression tells me all the words i’ve been longing to hear, makes them feel like a memory, i am yours

all this talk of stars and compasses, following names of dead people, that would kill us, things i never bothered to conquer, because i always knew, if i found you, i wouldn’t need these things, not shelter, not water, not safety, you were all those things, standing on the horizon, flickering as i got closer,

things are always silent between us, quiet words, empty letters, brief encounters, yet i’m always screaming in my head, your picture is always flashing like a warning sign, i don’t even remember the last thing i said to you, but i remember the last time you held my hand, i remember how it felt, our hands are the same, i was always a little bigger, a little stronger, but when i feel my skin, i think of you, i remember your voice when you had a cold. the raspy tone that echoed when you laughed, how you sounded like the honey tea i’d make, i remember our bridges, and phone calls, and letters, and yet we’re lost, why are you so clear to me, why are you standing right in front of me, but i cant remember who we are;

if you are to crash into me like a wave, i would be thankful, you haven't touched me in so long and i am longing to drown.

to you, i am lost in the mist, to me, things have never been more clear

the weather forecast said your name, clear skies, cold shame, i watch you to learn how the clouds behave i draw diagrams of you, mapping your path of destruction heavy rain on my window, lull me to sleep remember when we stood in the middle of a storm trying to avoid the lighting but i was struck, i could never avoid you, our clothes were soaked, we were laughing sitting in the grass, the sun burning you glowed, when were you ever dim on my eyes, i was a storm chaser till the unpredictably left with you

maybe i just want a conversation where you don't want something from me, anything that lasts more than 4 minutes, but you make me believe in things like neck kisses and your fingers in my hair, yours,  i'm not sure what i want from anyone, at all, or what i want from you, but wanting you is enough, you're a scientist, you've always had your methods and wise words, so test me, i thought you weren't afraid, or am i too much, i was always too much, i just want to feel those things i read in poetry, the things that make me cringe, the things i laugh at because they're unattainable, the feelings i thought i wouldn't need to ever write about.

all i am are the footprints i left in the snow, and even then i had to fall from the heavens to leave my mark.

you loved me yesterday, but remembering that now, doesn't change the way you say my name with that curve in your lips, and your eyes, they're darker, it's as if you've forgotten everything we were, you're always changing your mind, and i'm still following because the alternative is nothing, and for my everything, you're pretty much a piece of shit, you'll never be in the history books, i hope no one ever romanticises you, why can't you just i. love me always ii. love me never iii. leave me i don't deal with the changing weather that well, you switch, change like i'm an outfit on the floor, again, i'm the one sitting by myself questioning how i acted wrong, one briefing paper, after the other, next time i'll do better.