asubsoul

I saw a post on IG yesterday from a beautiful woman. She was in tights and a set of perfectly symettrical double futos. The rope work was clean. Her shape was sexy. It was geneuinely an all around pleasing photo of her in her own rope work. Then I made it down to the caption. To summarize, the caption stated that she was having trouble finding inspiration to tie lately. That she kept telling herself that her body was beautiful in rope even after being rejected by so many riggers. This gorgeous girl, was plus sized.

Now let me start by saying I don’t actually know this girl. But as I read her post I felt absolutely devastated, shocked and apalled that a rigger would even say that. Like, I’m sorry who the hell made you the bondage police? But, I digress. So then later, during a break from a lab session with some friends, I start telling them about this post and how I wrong I felt it was. Then one of them says to me, “it’s happened to me too.” Shocked for the second time that day I ask very eloquently, “What the fuck? Why?” He proceeded to tell me that he had been rejected by 2 riggers. Both told him, “you’ll never be suspended. Your’re to big.”

My response:

FUCK. THAT.

I am 5 feet 1 and approximately 190 lbs. Most of the people I tie with on a regular basis are over 6ft. Tall and between 250-275lbs. I have been rigging at a suspension level for less than a year. If I can do it, then surely YOU, Mr. Domly McRiggerson can. I guess my point is: FIGURE IT OUT!!

Are there challenges to overcome when tying someone heavier than the 120lb rope models you see plastered all over the internet? Absolutely. Does that make those people any less willing or capable of bottoming in rope? HELL NO! As a rigger, YOU learn new ties that work with your bottoms body. YOU figure out what style of hanger is safest. YOU adapt. Can’t lift past a certain point in a level change? Put yourself underneath them, grab the upline and freaking PULL.

It is hard to lift someone larger than you? YES. Am I a sweaty mess that is just as sore as they are by the end? YES. Do I occassionally require the spotter to help with a little extra muscle? YES. Does it ruin our scene? NO. Does it effect any part of thier experience in a negative way? NO.

So to any rigger out there reading this that has ever told anyone they are “too big” for suspension: SHAME ON YOU!!!

“Come here.” He crooned. “Lie on my shoulder.”

I knew from the soft, measured tone that this was no break. He had something wicked in mind. I laid, him still filling my cunt. And without warning, his palm came down sharply on my ass. I moaned and rocked forward, grinding my clit on his skin and clenching around him.

“Oh I like that reaction.” He praised as he brought his hand down again. The softness of his voice and the force with which he hit me made my head spin. Over and over, he spanked my ass. My skin ablaze, unable to stop the moans and whimpers escape my mouth, rocking back and forth on his cock, clenching and clenching, him gently praising me, crooning his delight against my ear. Mind fucked.

“Three hard ones now. Are you ready?”

I groaned, “ahh oh yes, Sir.”

“Look at me whilst I spank you. Eyes on mine. The whole time.”

“Ahh fuck yes, Sir.” I gasped as I dragged my gaze up to his. Fuck, how his expression made my breathing hitch and tremble. It stormed with arousal and warned of pain.

“Are you sure you’re ready?”

I whimpered and my cunt tightened around him. Helpless reactions to the anticipation he created.

“I can feel you’re ready, but I want to hear it.”

I groaned, “yesyesyes I’m ready, Sir, I’m ready.”

He gave a contented hum and lifted his hand, so high that I could see it in the periphery of my view. I so badly wanted to shift my gaze to it, prepare for its landing, as if watching it could keep it still. His eyes danced; he knew of my struggle. And then his hand was gone and instead a resounding crack, a fiery pain, my moans, and still I held his gaze and drank in the arousal it sang with.

“Two more.”

“Fuckkk yes Sir, yes Sir.” I writhed with anticipation as I saw his hand climb into my vision once again. His eyes twinkled and another shattering crack across my skin, my howl, and yet fresh wetness as I slid his cock deeper inside my wanton cunt.

“One more.”

I was gasping, my breath somersaulting out of rhythm. All my efforts on maintaining his eye contact.

“And afterwards, you will lie on my other shoulder and we’ll do the same on the other side. Keep it nice and even across your ass. But only after you’ve begged for it.”

If you’ve been following my blog for a little while, then you’ve surely seen my posts about Sub-drop and how important it is for both doms and subs to understand how it can negatively impact a sub after a play session.

I’ve had several followers ask me if “Dom Drop” exists - and I want to cover that important topic for you guys. So, let’s take a look at the converse experience of a Dom - and understand the psychology and physiology of how they may similarly experience a “drop” after a session!

*Note: I’ll use the male pronoun for Dom here (out of habit) because this is a DD/LG blog and I’m thinking of my DD - but you can certainly apply any pronoun that fits your situation*

The BDSM experience is intense for all players involved; kinks may involve inherent risk or create purposeful sensations that lead to a rush of adrenaline in both the Dom and sub involved in a scene. It is the surge and rapid decline in a variety of hormones (dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin, etc) that create the emotional high of “sub-space” and the resulting low of a “sub-drop.”

It’s important to understand that Doms experience these hormonal rushes as well, and can, therefore, be left with a residual drop after a session. Further, it’s critical to acknowledge the psychological factors at play for a Dom, which can compound the physiological effect:

-Even a Dom who generally enjoys sadistic play, may experience feelings of guilt after a session where he has caused consensual pain to his sub. This may be worsened if his sub utilized their safeword - indicating that the level of play went beyond their comfort level. No decent Dom aims to cause their sub to use their safeword. Instead, they use their close connection with their sub to bring her as close to her threshold as possible, while monitoring her body’s response. So, if a sub has reached the point of safeword, a compassionate Dom may feel additional emotional anguish - which the dynamic may not allow him to express properly.

-Sexual dominance can be rife with cognitive dissonance - particularly for new dominants. The norms of most BDSM dynamics contradict many cultural norms and can create feelings of unexplained guilt in a Dom after a session. For example, men are taught “never EVER hit a woman,” “be respectful of women you love,” and “don’t ever call a woman a slut/whore/etc” but in BDSM, they find themselves pleasuring their subs with treatment to the contrary! Add in the DD/LG dynamic where your Little/Baby sub is calling you “Daddy” and pair that against society’s judgements…it gets tricky! Even if they mutually enjoy it in the moment, the post-session reflection may affect the Dom on a sub-conscious level. Now, compound that with a hormone dip, and a sub who may be experiencing her own drop, and you’ve got a wicked combo.

-While a sub may enter a hazy, fuck-drunk “sub-space” during a session, as the lead the Dom must remain highly alert throughout play, which can delve into otherwise dangerous scenarios. Once a Dom cums, a significant shift in his body’s hormones begins. So, while it may not be as prolonged as a sub’s hormonal flood - the sudden shift can cause a notable dip at the end of play too.

So, what can you do to manage the drop? Luckily, plenty…aftercare is mutually beneficial!

🎀Stay with your sub as long as you can after a session. Knowing that she’s ok will help alleviate any fears/guilt you may have about how she may be feeling. And skin-to-skin contact is a natural hormone regulator…stay close and naked!

🎀Hydrate and replenish with snacks to make sure your blood sugar rebounds.

🎀Talk to your sub about the session - praise her for the things she did well and ask how she felt about anything new. This will help you understand if you need to modify anything for the next session and does not make you a weak Dom. And if you’re a Daddy, it actually makes you perfect.

🎀If your sub is a Little, just revert to the non-sexual Daddy behaviors during aftercare to foster your bond (snuggling, being silly, playing) even if she is starting to withdraw as sub-drop sets in- this will alleviate some of your cognitive dissonance by showing that things are ok. It’s useful for both of you!

Every Dom/sub pair is different and will find that their response to play varies. Some Doms will be more deeply affected by the hormonal fluctuations of a session, while others experience a drop only occasionally. It’s important to acknowledge that a Dom drop is a reality in BDSM, even if it’s not widely discussed.

Knowledge is power, friends 💋

Happy playing!

~G

Inside my mind

Ok I’m going to try and give you an insight into the mess that can be my mind. Yes I’m intelligent and articulate and I have been blessed with a compassion that I’m proud of. But I’m a Submissive and that brings a whole different curse with it.

My mind can become so murky, it will tell me non truths it will scream at me it will scramble my thinking it will almost attack itself.

As a Submissive I need to feel a connection but it’s a connection that is stronger than any I have encountered in the adult world. Best I can describe it is like when a child recognises who their parents are and no longer wants to be with anyone else or go to anyone else. A child will cry and cling. A Submissive is not that dissimilar.

My mind will make me believe that silence even perfectly explained can mean you’re turning away from me. That I’m not wanted. And God bless @prostatorgasm for his patience with me, because I know this is tough.

At times my mind becomes so scrambled so mixed up that I literally feel giddy and off balance from it. It happens when I have messed up or disappointed or felt like I have failed.

There are times when I can feel almost like water after a drain plug has been pulled, like my thoughts and emotions are swirling and being sucked down into darkness.

I love intelligent girls. Absolutely adore them. And I find those who are passionate about reading and writing share a common thread. They all yearn for an equally intelligent Dominant who can reach deep into their erotic “centers”, rip the pages from their fantasies, and give them a lifetime of living, breathing memories.

An intelligent submissive appreciates the beauty of the dance on the fringe. She is a strong, independent, talented, capable woman in her own right, yet she hungers for a Dominant who can fuck her mind long before he touches her body. She needs a man who can respect her as an intellectual equal but effortlessly assume his role as Dominant – the only man she would ever consider yielding to. For her, this need is utterly palpable. She can feel his hands through his words, his voice, and his instruction.

And herein is my secret insight. Intelligent, gifted submissives are the naughtiest, sluttiest, hungriest girls imaginable. They are capable of giving themselves completely up to the man they trust and respect, and going places they themselves do not yet know they are capable of going. They are insatiable once leashed (note the irony). And they hunger to experience whatever their man challenges them with and sate him with the gift of their bodies and their talents.

For the man who can appreciate my words – I promise you – the dance on the fringe can be a most inspiring journey of sensual delights with a smart, talented girl.

Focus fully on a tiny crease in the skin, a small wonderful curve, a minute perfect blemish and let the vision slowly feed you before you blink or your line of sight surely drifts. Devour the image of her with your eyes, let her know your hunger first without spoken words.

Then beg her to be painfully still for a moment, not to move a hair nor a muscle before you lose the canvas of this vision, this one unique and beautiful image shared with your soul only to be replaced by a million more.

Take a second, hold a breath, let this picture of uniqueness burn an image onto your mind’s eye as if this is the last moment before blindness takes you.

I’ve decided to start writing a little bit about my D/s relationship and some of the actual struggles D/s couples encounter. There are some wonderful couples on here who do the same and I think Tumblr needs a bit of the real thing. So much of the content out there paints the Dom as master of his universe. All knowing. Always knows just what his sub needs. Is never wrong. Never questions himself. The truth…Well the truth can’t be farther away. Being a Dom is work. Hard work. Rewarding, yes. But it’s a journey. There is no “perfect” Dom. I have come to see dominance as a practice. Much like medicine or law…Something you never truly master, only continue to learn and improve.

While some of my posts may be rather sexy and erotic…not all will be. Because it’s not all fun and games. This is one of those posts. I’m not interested in hearing from the “uber Doms” or whatever you want to call the thirsty crowd out there who has no clue what a real D/s relationship is about. I’m sure they won’t understand this post anyway.  

A little about my relationships. I have a primary sub @sassysubmissiveone (Kitten) who I have been with for a year now. I love her very much. We have been through a lot. And it has only made us stronger. We are a real life, D/s couple. We don’t live together. We live in different cities a few hours apart, so we see each other often.   About four months ago we added a mutual friend as our third @masochisticprincessbelle. In the hierarchy she is sub to both of us.    

Back to my post on dominance as a practice. Recently Kitten and I have been bringing more discipline into the dynamic. It was time. We have been lacking in that department and she honestly was becoming less happy and more anxious. I never would back it up because being distance by the time we were together I just wanted to have fun and so I avoided punishment. And what we found was that D/s without discipline was rather hollow. It leaves the sub with the impression that she’s not really owned or controlled. And leaves her feeling like she’s blowing in the wind. More on that later.

Last week I went to see Kitten for playtime. Starting the night before she had been bratty and borderline insubordinate. That behavior continued throughout the day. I had to wait all day for her to get off work so I spent most of the day texting with her. She kept pushing. Avoiding answering questions. Borderline rude at times. Borderline insubordinate. But nothing crossed the line to absolute insubordination or rudeness. I was finally fed up.  I told her that night she was going to get disciplined. 10 strokes on each cheek with the paddle (which she hates).

She continued to brat and her behavior didn’t change. That evening when it was time she fought it hard. Fussed and whined. Our punishment ritual is this: She is to strip and stand at attention for inspection. While she is being inspected I will recite her infractions and tell her why she is being punished. The punishment is given. She then has corner time to reflect. After that she thanks me for the punishment, tells me what lesson she learned, and then comes aftercare and cuddling.

But something happened. She fussed and fought harder than usual getting undressed. Kept fussing she didn’t want it. I went to tell her why she was being punished…and I couldn’t articulate why. I thought she deserved it, she had dry humped my very last nerve that day with her attitude. But I couldn’t say what specific infraction got her a punishment. I began to feel unease over what I was about to do. Was I being fair? Was I just punishing in anger because she had an off day? I steeled myself and took her by the hair and led her to the bed. Bent her over and picked up the paddle. Her voice became desperate. She begin to fight and plead. I begin her spanking. And after five strokes I suddenly couldn’t do anymore.

I was shaken. Was I being unfair? Was this just? Was I being abusive? Why was I punishing her? I couldn’t articulate it….And she never fought one so hard. So I stopped.

And she looked up and asked “are you done? You said 20. Why did you stop at five?” I told her I decided that was enough. Then laughed and said “so I got away with it?” AS it turned out she really needed to feel like someone was in control. She had pushed all day to get a punishment. And then was thrown by the fact I stopped. I felt like I was the worst Dom in the world. I couldn’t even figure out why I stopped at that moment. Just that I second guessed myself so much. And she got so bratty needing to have control taken at that point she started trying to handcuff me and tell me she was taking over. I of course put the rebellion down with a very hard spanking and rough scene and ended up restoring the dynamic. But I was shaken. Very shaken. I had no Idea why.

Days later talking about it we figured it out. We had no defined rule on behavior. Nothing to codify the feeling I had that she needed to be taken in hand and corrected. And the way she fought back I questioned myself because of it. We spent the morning that day discussing how to amend the rules for her behavior and what warrants correction. It’s hard when it’s a gray area to figure that out but we found what works for us. Kitten admitted that she needs to have that discipline. That the structure is vital. And I admitted I needed the rules to back me up. While I’m perfectly willing to punish when it’s needed, I can’t be unfair. And I need to know I’m being just.

—

{It was worth repeating} (via maybe-lisa)

Stated simply and beautifully.