𝐁. 𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑 *

dove cameron, she/her + cis woman, 23 | well of course you’ve heard of brigid astor, right? they are a third year student living in linacre taking creative writing and literature at rye university, and as per the blinds, they are like worn down leather bound journals, dried eucalyptus hung in steaming showers, and santal 33. ©

Astoria’s smile rose when Brigid signaled for another round, they had been shooting back Patron. It was a better tequila than that which came from the well, one that didn’t require lime for those that were good at shooting tequila. Despite Astoria’s constant state of inebriation, she still required the lime to follow. “No.” Her voice goes soft, she can empathize in ways she isn’t entirely comfortable with. She wants to give comfort without exposing herself too much, she prefers to be thought of as a heartless girl who just enjoyed hookups. “It can be annoying – sex is fucking fantastic, especially when you’re not attached. If you tend to sleep with someone repeatedly, it can develop into an odd way of being attached. Like there’s a reason why you go back to them but on the other hand, a reason why you don’t really want to be with them. It can feel like you’re falling short of being enough and not where you’re suppose to be which can lead to frustration.” Swallowing back tequila, it was a must if they were going to have this conversation. “Why couldn’t you date him? I thought you didn’t want too.”

.

the blonde typically didn’t care for the spirits that came from the well, often opting for top shelf liquor in its place — and the multiple rounds of tequila were no different, brigid opting for patrón. while it didn’t require a lime, as it went down a bit easier than most, she would never scoff at the coupling of tequila, lime, and salt. it wasn’t like brigid to feel this way, to be openly insecure about a hookup. that’s what avery was — a hookup. casual sex. just someone to pass the time with... right ? in truth, the line continued to blur — or maybe the blonde was developing a crush, or some weird conglomeration of the two. “he’s just...” she started, pausing and pursing her lips as her mind wandered, seeking the right words to express what she wanted to say. infuriating? a modern menace to society? “... avery, i guess. i shouldn’t expect him to be any different than he shows himself to be. if it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck — right ?” she reasoned, thanking the bartender that brought the next round of shots and taking the glass into her hands with ease before downing it, the warmth that flowed down her throat a welcome companion to her sorrows. “i don’t make a habit of dating people who can’t keep their dicks in their pants,” she admitted with a quiet chuckle, index finger drawing circles on the sticky bar, “and it’s not like i can really date anyone right now anyway.”

        he had kicked off his own shoes once avery had taken care of the girl first, making sure she was set up and ready for bed. the entire evening was a rollercoaster of emotion, of conversation, all of which he did his best not to take to heart given the fact alcohol was running through the girl’s veins like a race car. ‘it’s just sex’. words hung in the air as avery decided to cut the conversation off at that — no use of running in circles, broken record of repeating words. just as he was heading over towards the couch which the hotel neatly placed underneath the large windows, walking paused to look over at her. “i.. don’t think that’s a good idea, brig. you’ve been pretty pissed off at me all night,” he chuckled out, leaning against the end of the bed.

.

brigid was not being reasonable. even her drunken brain was aware of that. the alcohol she had ingested had hit both her head as well as her heart, the sting left in its wake more potent emotionally than it had been going down her throat. there was something about the man that made her vulnerable — bringing out a side of her that the blonde had long forgotten. with avery, she felt.. a fear. a genuine fear rooted in desire. her pink lips curled down at the corners as she reached out for him, a quiet grumble bubbling past her lungs and up her throat in contempt. “i’ve been sad all night, not pissed off at you. they’re different.” in her mind, they were — though a sober astor may disagree. “pleaaaaase?”

“Hell yeah.” Carmen passed her the blunt and leaned back.

“This place is so fucking great. I deadass don’t wanna go home. Just leave me here.” She said with a smile.

Carmen put her phone on vibrate, though after that phone conversation she wanted to throw it into the ocean.

“So, got any killer parties you’re going to tonight?” She asked.

“By the way puff puff pass that shit.” She added as she held her fingers out expectedly.

time in the sun was restorative — particularly due to the fact that new york often ended up being overcast during the late winter and early spring season. you know what they say — april showers bring may flowers, or something of the sort. the warmth, the bright blue water, and the lack of responsibilities all coupled up into what was a truly needed cure-all for the mid-semester slump. the blonde took the joint between her index finger and thumb, drawing in a deep breath and letting the contents rest in her lungs before letting a breath out. as seasoned as she was, brigid still let out a quiet cough before passing the joint back to carmen. “not sure about parties yet — i’ve got a few invites from locals but i think i’m planning on hitting up one of the clubs. how about you, c ? ”

Since the plane had descended on the shores of Ibiza, she has been governed by island time which translates to her as a must to be sun soaked and tequila soaked. constantly taking shots in her bikini waterside and now the day has faded into dusk and the plan has been made to dance the night away, at one of many Ibiza’s nightclubs. “I just don’t think you’re the only one.” a shot of tequila on the tongue, she wasn’t anyones either – she knew those she took to bed would never be her boyfriend in the light of day. “You’ve never going to be his girlfriend – he’s just not that into you. Sometimes just sex is great.”

.

it was good to catch up with astoria, even if she didn’t tell brigid what she wanted to hear. in a life where everyone bent to your beck and call, a bit of honesty was greatly appreciated. the blonde let out a quiet chuckle at the suggestion, flagging down the bartender to order another round — and requesting it get added to the tab — before turning to face astoria. “i know i’m not the only one,” she reminded astoria with a small pout threatening to tug at the corners of her lips. “is it dumb that this whole situation makes me feel stupid ?” what a silly question — they both knew the answer was yes. “why do i even care what he thinks of me or wants from me? it’s not like i could date him anyway,” she grumbled out. it was true — she couldn’t, for a myriad of reasons. besides, avery faulkner was not the relationship type. he never had been, and he likely never would be.

        avery stood in front of the girl and began to wipe her cheeks first with the makeup remover, making sure to hit the more pigmented areas — eyes, lips — after to reduce the chance of smudging. had he done this before? yeah, so it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary too much for the man. “i don’t sleep with people over and over if they aren’t good in bed, b.” now was not the time for joking but of course a certain faulkner child didn’t know the difference between good and bad moments. the woman wore the same pout on her lips practically the entire time since he had picked her up from the bar in the town car. “who said you weren’t?” avery stepped back to throw away the makeup wipe, tempting to drop the conversation all together and allow her to lay back to sleep, giving the chance to forget any of this ever happened in the morning. god forbid the man talk about feelings let alone when he was already conflicted about where he stood on the basis of brigid astor. “you should get some sleep. i, uh.. i’ll stay on the couch for a bit just to make sure you don’t get sick or anything.”

.

the blonde leaned into his touch, allowing him to pad the makeup wipe across her fair skin in order to remove at least some of the makeup she donned. it was a kind gesture — one brigid appreciated, though her insecurities did not allow her to voice this appreciation. her frown deepened as she looked up at him through her dark lashes. “i...” who hadn’t suggested she wasn’t? okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration — but her drunken self had made up its mind. he did not want her for anything aside from her body, and perhaps her conversation with astoria had swayed her mind in this. “it’s just sex,” she mumbled with a sigh, shrugging and fiddling with the hem on her nightie. she nodded slowly, padding towards the bed and tugging the comforter out of its tucked state so she could crawl in. “would it be asking too much if i wanted you to lay next to me ?” god, sober brigid would be ashamed of this behavior. berating him for not liking her for more than her body, then pressing him to lay with her.

        avery selflessly and innocently changes the girl’s clothes into the silk nightgown — a favorite of her’s that he knew of. all he wanted at this point was to make sure she was safe in her room and free from any type of hangover mess that may come up to pursue her in the middle of the night. he didn’t take criticism to heart, he couldn’t given the way he acted with his don’t-give-two-shits attitude but it was just something about their conversation in the car that had him all stirred up. once she was dressed though, avery figured he’d finish it off by removing the makeup from her face — saving her from future breakouts and him from getting his ass chewed for keeping it on her. “brigid..” looking in her bag, it didn’t take long for him to find the sensitive-skin makeup wipes. “i have never said you were bad in bed.” avery turned to her, standing in front of her while that signature pout tattooed on her face once again. not once had anyone ever seen brigid astor so vulnerable, so organic in emotion as she was sitting in a feeling of cloudy blue. “are you upset ive slept with other people?”

.

her insatiable upset about this situation was driving her mad. no, she was not being reasonable — not in the slightest. in fact, brigid was green with envy and it was not her best look. she leaned into his touch as he wiped the makeup from her face, shutting her eyes and becoming malleable in his hands, though the pout never left her visage. she was upset. and, to no one’s surprise, she wasn’t happy about it either. “but it would make sense as to why you wouldn’t like me if you thought i was bad in bed,” she reasoned with him, green gaze landing on the scotsman in front of her. no, it wouldn’t — but her drunken mind was committed to getting to the bottom of this. you could call her a modern day nancy drew, sponsored by ginger ale and patrón. “i..” she began, pondering the question he had asked her. was she upset he was sleeping with other people? maybe. but sex was just sex — and she knew that. brigid astor, of all people, would know that — yet this felt different. “i just don’t like being one of many on your speed dial. and i especially —” she emphasized, “— don’t like it when i’m not even number one.”

        his eyes turned to look at hers as she spoke, feeling his stomach drop. was that what this was about? avery didn’t bother trying to keep the conversation going since she had already began to rummage through her bag to find her key. if she didn’t have it, he would offer her his bed for the night until all of this certainly blew over with some sleep and water in the morning. something about their conversation in the car got to him, which lead a quiet avery to lead the girl  up to her room via the resort elevator once it was noted that the astor key was in possession. she was only on the third floor, wasn’t too bad, and by the time he had safely gotten her into her room brigid was already attempting to take off her shoes. “stop, i’ll help..”

        you’re here to help, his mind told him. the whole car ride, the words, all a confusion to him but the least he could do is help in the way she called him to do. avery carefully, and with permission, undressed the girl to get her into some pajamas that had been folded onto the end of the bed – most likely from the night before.

.

why would she be upset about him seeing other people if she didn’t have feelings for him? god, men could be so dull. they staggered their way through the hotel lobby, though brigid handled herself shockingly well. while her emotions were certainly heightened from the alcohol she had consumed, she was doing a good job of faking sobriety in the face of the public. thankfully, she was located on the third floor — so they weren’t left maneuvering the layout of the hotel for long. once avery had opened the door for her, she was already kicking her shoes off and trying to peel herself out of the dress she donned. a quiet grumble bubbled past her lips as he offered help, though she didn’t really mind the help. she just felt bad. she saw him, felt admiration, and then felt stupid. it didn’t take long before she was out of the little white sundress she had been wearing and engulfed in the silk nightgown that had been laid at the end of the bed, a pout splayed on her lips as turned around and looked up at avery through dark, thick lashes. “am i bad in bed? is that it?”

        avery watched the girl look away and that lead him to roll his eyes, her words weren’t like any other he hadn’t heard before: from people catching feelings with him in the past when all he wanted was a quick fuck, those were what he would refer to as fuck buddies. but he didn’t put brigid in that category. why wouldn’t he? well, avery faulkner didn’t express feelings out loud; he learned to suppress emotion from a young age which evidentially still applied today, and though he had ideas as to why he wouldn’t dare to spit those out into the open air so easily. “and do you? you have yet to answer this question for me, because this all can’t be coming from no where, brigid.” with a roll of his eyes – again – avery let out a sigh, noting there was no point in arguing: she was drunk, he was not, and the topic was more vulnerable than he’d like to get. “… do you have your room key? i’ll take you up.”

.

she felt sick to her stomach, the butterflies that came when she looked at his cheeky grin turning rancid. “why would i care if you’re fucking everyone else in school if i didn–” she began to retort, but her words were quickly cut off as the town car came to a halt and the resort had come into view. she turned to face him when she knew she wouldn’t weep, lips pursed as she thought about his question heavily. did she have her room key? brigid picked up her blush dior saddlebag from the floor of the car, the calfskin smooth against the skin of her legs as she opened the purse and began to rummage through her things. surely she could find her own room key, even if her eyesight was a bit blurry. it took a bit of poking around in her bag before anything came to fruition, the blonde releasing the contents of her purse onto the seat of the car before having any success. “got it,” she mumbled, handing him the key card and taking stock of the mess she had created — then promptly shoving all the contents back into the bag.

        he couldn’t help her if she didn’t tell him what she wanted. even then, could he help her? taking into account that she was intoxicated enough so that she probably wasn’t in control of her words avery attempted to take her words with a grain of salt at this point, but that didn’t stop him from trying to salvage himself from the dirt in this conversation. blue met her green from across the middle seat – the only thing that separated them but at this point it felt like there was acres of land that came between them. “you’re not some… name on a list, some tally mark i keep in my notes app.” god, the driver was probably loving this given they knew the english language. “we hang out, hell you had me baking with you a few weeks ago.” avery shook his head, looking away for only a moment. “you think i just see you as another fuck? you’re not.”

.

she heard his words, and yet she still couldn’t find comfort in them. “okay, so then i’m just a fuck buddy rather than someone you just fuck. just a friend with benefits, benefits including access to my kitchen and my bedroom,” she mumbled quietly, cheeks flushed pink as her green eyes stung — limpid tears threatening to spill out of her eyes as she shook her head and looked out the window. she would not let him watch her cry. her emotions were heightened, understandably, by the liquor pulsing through her bloodstream, but even a sober brigid would feel embarrassed. “my point still stands. you don’t want anything serious out of this.” a strange declaration from brigid, but it was clear that her mind had been made up. she had no reason to believe he’d want anything further. he continued to sleep around, doting on any that showed him affection. “and that’s fine, i guess. it just makes me feel stupid.”

        you couldn’t have paid the man enough money to understand where any of this was coming from, but to alleviate anymore confusion for the both of them he didn’t ask any further questions about what made her bring all of this up. it was odd given that he had learned brigid hadn’t given two thoughts into avery being anything more to her but the concerns he was hearing in the car were quite the contradicting matter. blue eyes looked over in her direction, watching her weight shift off of him and over onto the door closest to her. “brig..” voice was low, showing no hint of anger or confusion but more so of sympathy. “talk to me, what.. what is it you want? you know i care about you, you’re not just someone i sleep with.”

.

the question sent her fuzzy mind spinning. what did she want? and, more importantly — could she even have what she wanted? the blonde pursed her lips, pondering the thought momentarily before looking back at him with green eyes darkened. suddenly, she wanted out of this car — feeling much too vulnerable in front of the man who had seen her naked quite a few times. an admission of feelings felt far scarier than than baring her skin, she came to realize. “aren’t i, though?” she asked, raising an eyebrow up at him as disappointment flooded her face. “what makes this any different than the other hookups you have? i’m just...” just what, brigid? she had already used the notch in the bed post motif, so her foggy brain searched for another reference. “another conquest.” good enough.

        avery asked the driver of the car to return them back to the hotel where they had just came from prior, while looking out the window at all the other tourists and some of the students from rye having fun on their night out. why doesn’t he out, you might ask? for once, faulkner decided two days of drinking wasn’t worth not remembering his time in ibiza. he listened to her, confused, and looked down at her as her pout seemed to only get larger — if that was even possible. “brigid, where is all of this coming from?” he said softly. “do you.. want me to like you?” honesty the whole composition, the idea of the girl craving his attention to only be for her was nothing they had ever discussed or came close to discussing but her actions were speaking louder than any words she was saying. again, she was drunk; drunk thoughts were just drunk thoughts… right?

.

this behavior was not like brigid at all. even when drunk, the blonde knew how to maintain her composure — but between the words astoria spoke at the bar and the conversation exchanged with one otto buch at rye library, the blonde found herself embedded in a world of doubt. she pursed her lips, her drunken brain trying to decide how much of itself she wanted to spill — though her inhibitions were low due to the amount of alcohol she had ingested this evening. “i don’t just want to be someone you like sleeping with,” she admitted sheepishly, sitting upright and her head growing dizzy before she leaned into the opposite side of the town car, head rested on the door of the vehicle so she didn’t have to lean into avery any further. “i don’t want to be just like everyone else you sleep with.”

        after getting the both of them settled into the car for the time being, avery made sure to buckle the girl into her seat, as he knew it was about a ten minute drive from where they were back to their hotel given it was were he had come from to get her. “what the hell are you going on about?” eyes looked down at the girl with furrowed brows. he was taking her words with a grain of salt as she leaned into him, he lingering smell of cocktails wafting into the air around them with the knowledge that brigid was probably just tired as the night went on around her. it wasn’t all too uncommon to see the blonde intoxicated as much as it was to see him sober at the same time. “don’t get too soft on me, astor. i’m too sober for that.”

.

she settled into the seat, letting avery buckle her in and the pout on her lips deepening. why was she feeling like this? it wasn’t like brigid to be insecure — at least, not outwardly. she had always been self-critical, born into the reminder that she would never be enough. however, the coupling of a little too much alcohol and the news that avery had all but decreed he and brigid would never be more than fuck buddies brought out the worst in her. “you don’t like me. like, you wouldn’t want to date me or do nice things with me,” she whined out, green eyes somber as she looked up at him through the shade of her thick, dark lashes. “i’m just... like, another person you sleep with. just a notch in your bed post,” she grumbled out, shaking her head and letting out an exasperated sigh.

Sage swirled her glass in her grip, and the muddled bits of greenery moved with the motion— dizzying her for a moment before she tipped it back once again. “I don’t say anything that should be taken as the truth or seriously before noon, especially when it comes to poor decisions.” The brunette set the glass down, opting instead to card dark hair away from her face. A smile touched her features, “You’d just roll me up there like a sad lump of potatoes. That’s so depressing, maybe we should get some crackers or something before I start getting reckless and embarrass us both.” She stretched, studying the colour gained on bare skin before tucking back under the umbrella. “You know, I don’t think we do this enough. I barely know what you’re up to these days.” Her head canted, and the hair she had pulled back now fell to one side of her neck. “How are you?”

.

the blonde watched the mint leaves waft through her own drink, before witnessing sage swirl the muddled greens in her own — following the brunette’s lead and tipping her glass back, the musky taste of bourbon mixed with mint and hitting her throat. nothing quite like it in the warm climate, she thought to herself. her smile continued to grow at the mere suggestion, the thought of the duo running rampant in the resort’s halls with a luggage cart bringing laughter to the back of her throat. at the suggestion of food, brigid waved down the bartender — offering a sly grin as means of flirtation ( and bribery ). “can we get an order of...” she paused, looking over the menu and chuckling. “whatever you suggest, honestly. pick two appetizers and have them put on the tab. but keep them a surprise,” she requested, the bartender flashing her a cheeky grin before flitting off to press a few buttons on the point of sale system to oblige the blonde. “we really don’t,” she quietly sighed out, turning back to sage with a small smile. “things have been..” crazy? weird? “hectic. but i’ve been alright. how about you?”

        was it uncommon to get a call from brigid? not in the slightest, but was it uncommon for a drunken brigid to call a sober avery for assistance back to their ibiza hotel? just a little, though not an ounce of hesitation ran through his veins when he called a small town car to follow him along on the adventure. “you’re the one who called me, astor. and by the looks of it you’ve had enough fun for the both of us tonight.” avery wasn’t complaining in the slightest, just making an observation as he helped the girl into the back of the car before scooting in next to her on the opposite side. she was in the car, safe, buckled — maybe he was a good sober friend, he snickered in his mind. “brigid what the hell are you talking about?” he took no mind to the words as she was high-pitched and leaning on him at the same time. “if i didn’t like you i wouldn’t be here dragging you to the hotel, now would i?”

.

most of her late night calls to a certain avery faulkner were of a different nature, wanting to entangle their bodies ‘til neither one could fully grasp where they ended and the other began. however, he was also on her favorites list — which had become the modern speed dial for individuals who had long ago retired their motorola razrs and blackberry pearls for the sleek designs of the smartphone. this meant that his name was one of the first she’d seen when she drunkenly grappled her phone to contact someone to get her back home. if they were back in the states, she’d strap up her walking boots and get home herself.. but brigid had no clue how to get around ibiza. she nodded, the pout displayed on her lips deepening as she leaned into his frame in the back seat of the town car. “but you don’t like me like me.”

for: @astorfm​

location: by the hotel pool

“I really think that we should stop after this one,” Sage voiced, leaning into Brigid’s side. The two of them were set up by the pool, under an umbrella in a sunny shade of fried-egg yellow, close enough to the open bar that their afternoon plans were very blatant. A ball cap shaded the already pink bridge of the brunette’s nose and a sweating mojito in her grip was the accessory to punctuate her thoughts, paired with dark eyes cutting over to verdant ones. She took a noisy sip from her drink, laughing as she leaned back. Sage had skipped whatever lunch they had been offered in favour of getting a good spot by the pool— which meant that the drinks, strong as they were, hit like a brick wall. “Or maybe I should stop.” Full lips pursed, “How strong are you Brig? Can you carry me back up to my room if I keep going?”

.

to many that made up the student population of rye university, a life of affluence was expected. it was not often that any of their students heard the word “ no, ” and the bartenders in ibiza seemed to be happy to oblige given the wads of cash they were handed as recompense. the mint julep she had been sipping on had begun to sweat, condensation pooling at the bottom of the glass ( though the blonde who had been soaked in sunlight didn’t mind ). “you said that after the third one,” she cooed, green eyes wide as she leaned back in the chaise, adjusting the sunglasses that laid on the bridge of her nose. brigid pondered sage’s question for a few moments, clearly lost in thought with pursed lips and her index finger pressed against her plump lips. “i could certainly try,” she admitted sheepishly, a chuckle bubbling past her lips, “but begging a concierge to let us roll a luggage cart back to your room might be the better plan of action.”

Open starter!

“Uh-huh. Yup. Okay yeah sure… bye.”

Carmen had effortlessly hung up on her father in the middle of one of his ridiculous rants. He wasn’t going to ruin her damn vacation. The nerve of him… telling her to not come back home after spring break if she got pregnant or something over vacation. Whatever.

She was lounging by the ocean and sipping her cocktail, her bikini making her look like a beach goddess.

Carmen pushed her sunglasses up and smiled.

“Lucky I’m gonna get so fucking wasted and high so I won’t even remember the dumb shit he just said to me. Fuck, I’m like a cat I love sunbathing in the sun.” She said with a sigh.

“Want some weed?” She asked the person next to her as she lit up a blunt.

vacation was good. much needed, not that the semester had been particularly tumultuous. the blonde was splayed out like a cat, sunbathing and adorned in a sage green bikini that complimented her eyes. a quiet yawn bubbled past her lips as she flipped the page in the novel she was reading, where the crawdads sing, brigid’s versace sunglasses sliding down the bridge of her nose as she skimmed the words on the page. this was what she was supposed to do on vacation, right? relax?

she paid little mind to carmen as she took the call, though she did listen in from time to time. less eavesdropping and more so general curiosity, though that was truly up for debate. the brunette’s suggestion left a smirk on the blonde’s face as she nodded, peering up from her novel to engage in the conversation. “fuck, yeah i do.”